Strange phone call from Father in law?

Question

My husband adopted my daughter 2 years ago. His own parents are divorced and his Dad was super supportive of the adoption, while his mother protested it-saying he shouldn't tie up the rest of his life on someone else's kid.

Two years have gone by and how his mother has grown to love my daughter and apologized for everything she ever said. She and I are getting along much better.

Then, out of the blue, I get a phone call from his dad (who was supportive) asking me if I divorced my husband, does the adoption mean he'd be liable for child support.

I'm hurt, because stuff like that shouldn't matter. I mentioned it to my husband who talked to his dad and told him he would expect to pay child support if we ever split up (Big if) because he's her Daddy now.

I'm so hurt that his family goes back and forth on their feelings about my daughter. Short of cutting off all contact, what can I do for her and myself?

A little more info- his parents don't approve of me being a stay at home mom, either. They feel he shouldn't work to support myself and the children because one of the children isn't his. They think she should be my sole responsibility to pay for- even though he's told them multiple times that he doesn't feel that way.

His parents have nothing. They aren't wealthy people. There will be no inheritance when they are gone.

Answer 1

As you point out, she is his child now; that's what adoption means.

Why they feel they have any business telling their adult son how to live his life is beyond me.

No, don't break off all contact, that seems extreme. But in the future, refuse to discuss any of this with anyone.

It seems the mother has come around; why the father is suddenly being a nut is impossible to say.

Try to ignore it.

Don't let your daughter know about any of their silliness.

Answer 2

First things first of the in-laws are going to but it wether you like it or not. So I think the only thing you can do is try to ignore them. Second, you husband is not a little boy and he is old enough to put a stop to his parents, there is nothing that you can do , they will listen to your husband. Third of whenever ya'll decided to get married knew and accpted that you had a daughter and still wanted to make a new life with you. And when he said "i do", he was accepting to become the dad for your daughter. I think you should just not mind what they say and brush it off, you have loving husband and father for your children. So dont make your life miserable worrying about your inlaws.
Best of Luck

Answer 3

My father died when I was 2, my mother remarried very shortly after when I was slightly less than 4. My father is the man who adopted me(and my brother) and who raised me. Never in my life did I feel like I was less than any of his other 4 kids and while my mother played favorites(the boys)my father didn't. I love him like a father, while we are not close(my mothers issues not mine or his), he is my dad and my only dad.

However, even though his mother(his dad died right after my parents married)called me her granddaughter, and I thought we had a close relationship, when she died she left my brother and myself out of her will because we were not "blood". Her money was split between my parents children, and although they did give my brother and I some of the money, it was a smaller amount. Money not being the point, this woman broke my heart, I really did think I was her grandchild, and I thought she loved me. Imagine finding out at the age of 53 that none of that was true and this woman habored resentment for over 50years of your life.

Talk to your husband, and tell him that his daughter(he is her only father, both legally and emotionally)needs to be protected if his parents have some sort of agenda. Its none of his parents business what you two decide is best for your family(being an at home mom) or support issues for the child he adopted. If you were to die unexpectedly, he would remain her father and be responsible for her. Your inlaws are playing a hateful game and you need to remove and protect your children(all of your children) from it. As a couple, talk with them and tell them they are being inappropriate and you will not answer those kinds of questions again and if they cannot treat your daughter as their own, then that's on them, you won't subject her to cruelty. Good luck, and stand firm.

Answer 4

It is none of their business to judge you whether you are a stay at home mum.
I would suggest that this may be to do with wills and executors. If he were liable to child support then in theory your daughter would be entitled to a subsequent share of your husband's inheritance at his death, which is likely to have been made up partly from the inheritance they left after their own deaths - so they could be trying to figure out if your daughter is eventually entitled to what they leave behind.
I think they are fair to consider this - I wouldn't want to leave any of my inheritance to someone who was not of my own flash and blood.
I also think they were fair to voice their concerns regarding the adoption - in their mind it could be denying them another grandchild and adding a burden to their son (a burden they have no emotional attachment to) - and parents/grandparents are selfish like that! They are selfish about what They want for their offspring and can lose the plot sometimes!!!!
It does sound like they are behaving a bit oddly - reasonable at times, and unreasonable others. That must be hard for you to handle and I sympathise.

Answer 5

1st stop explaining your self and trying to justify what you and your hubby do. Father in law asks about the child support, My answer would be didn't know I was getting a divorce do you know something I don't? (He will get the hint). Also stop discussing finances with them. Let him take these issues they have to there son not you. I am sure your husband will tell them a sperm donor dose not = father. Your husband is a father. I would be in the company of your in laws when you have to and ignore as much as possible.

Answer 6

First, sit down with your husband and make sure he knows how you feel about all this. Don't make judgments about his parents, stick to how their comments make you feel.

Second, if your husband understands where you are coming from, ask him to talk to his parents (specifically his dad at this point) and tell him that the way you all choose to conduct your life is none of his business. Neither is it his business what would happen somewhere down the road.

Hopefully, you and your husband communicate to each other very well and can understand each others point of views.

I hope this helps.

Answer 7

There are numerous methods to spoof / customize caller ID signals. Caller ID uses a series of secondary modem tones that are uniformly recognized by most nations as if they all spoke the same language and there are various methods to manipulate those modem signals. It is likely someone is fooling with you and caller ID is no longer a reliable form of IDentification. Example / some cell phone providers allow you to access your voice mail box if you call from the actual cell phone but it was possible to spoof the source call impersonating the cell phone number to gain carte blanche entry to the voice mail. This is how Paris Hilton's voice mail was opened up years ago by papparazi who obtained her cell number and how Fox News accessed various voice mail boxes of disaster / kidnapping - murder victims.

Answer 8

Tell them to either except this child (that he decided to adopt) as just that his daughter or cut off all tied with the in laws, the are his parents not yours!

Answer 9

I do not understand why you let yourself discuss these things with them. Why do you even answer that question about child support. It is none of their business. I would refer any questions to your husband and do not honor them with a response. They will ruin your marriage if this continues. By feeding it with answers you are keeping it going. And, by the way, what is wrong with 'cutting off all contact?'

Answer 10

It is not your parents-in-law that should consern themselves with you and your husbands lives. Yes they should be in contact but they shouldnt have anything to do with your desisions. it is good that your husband adopted your daughter and it is good that you are a stay at home mom. Moms are supposed to be at home because children need to have their mom. Your husband has his own views and it is good that he loves your daughter enough to adopt her. Dont be discouraged about your mother and father-in law. they dont know what goes on inside you and your husbands heads.