Am I a *****?

Question

Recently, (6 months ago) I started dating my best friend of 12 years. I guess he has had a crush all these years. Our relationship is perfect as in, we are very compatible and respectful and very much in love and he says he is "very very happy." Last night I found out he is getting me a computer for christmas and possibly a new couch. I almost cried. Not because I was thrilled, but because it seemed so impersonal. I don't have much in life, I chose a degree in human services, so big material items don't matter to me. Am I a ***** for not being aprpeciative for what he plans to get me? Or am I crazy for wanting a small bracelet or necklace because it is more romantic? I am open to all answers-even if they are rude because I always liek to be more self aware.

Answer 1

not all guys are the romantic types who don jewelry for every occasion.
Most men are practical and see useful gifts as the best ones. A gesture that (while it isn't gold) truly is from the bottom of their heart.
The couch only means he wants you to be comfortable after a long day at work.
The computer he probably thinks you'll most value as it's a tool that can be used for work, personal, and communication uses.
He's setting you up, to be comfortable and up to date. Too him loving you is taking care of you and making sure your taken care of.

Enjoy that. A lot of women think 'all i want is for my man to build me a god damn coffee table - and he buys me a necklace instead!? Guests cant put their drinks on my god damn necklace can they?!!!'

either way you two sound nice. Maybe inbetween holidays you'll mention to him what would really melt your heart. but dont do it on the day itself!

Answer 2

Many years ago my husband bought me a beautiful oak table and a matching hutch for a Christmas present. My mother-in-law jumped his case saying that the table and chairs were used by all and that in no way construed a gift for me. I loved the table and hutch and they are still in my kitchen some 14 years later. The necklace he bought me as a personal gift the very next day disappeared when we had people in our house during a remodeling project. Of all the things that my husband has bought me over the last 26 years I think that I still love the table/hutch most of all. All the bracelets, necklaces, earrings, watches, whatever sit in a plastic box and have to be cleaned from time to time. I can't count all the happy memories that have been made at this table watching our children grow up and now that we have grandchildren there are still so many more to come.

Answer 3

I'm not going to go so far as to call you names, but I do think you are underestimating the significance, & therefore the romantic overtones, of the gifts in question. Apparently, this guy believes you need a new computer & a new couch. When a man really LOVES a woman, he tries to get things for her she needs to provide her with a better life. Do you get my point? This guy is in love with you! Even if he hasn't mentioned it, he has probably already thought about spending the rest of his life with you! My parents are a perfect example of this. They have been married for almost 45 years, & very often, they have bought each other things they needed. At some points, they have even decided to pool their Christmas & birthday gifts together to do things like replace the washer & dryer, pay off the car or house, or build a new garage. Any man can pick you up some jewelry to guarantee he gets some for a while, but it takes a man who loves you dearly to try to get you things that will make your life better. Stick with this guy & never mention this or you will crush his heart. I wouldn't be surprised if he proposes to you one day.

Answer 4

you're ok, don't worry about it. You think it's impersonal, he's probably thinking that a new computer and a couch would be an awesome gift(how much does that cost?) While i agree that a token of affection, like jewelery would be romantic, guys(in general) usually don't think like that.
We look at jewelry as kind of useless.
With a computer, you can do so many things. With a bracelet you can wear it, not wear it, or lose it.
It's all a matter of perspective.
If you want something romantic, start hinting about it. Don't expect him to read your mind, because more than likely you will be disappointed.

Answer 5

We all have received some gift we didn't really want or love but it is rude not to take them he wants to do something nice 4 u so whats the big deal just take it and be happy he is being help full instead of romantic you can always cuddle up in ur new couch and watch a romantic movie if u need that romance in ur life and u will be much comfortable in that new couch enjoy!!!!

Answer 6

No, you're not a "whatever you typed which didn't appear in print" you're just a person with different sensibilities than your boyfriend, probably for reasons you stated in your question. I wouldn't interpret his gift as "impersonal" though because in this day and age a laptop as a gift is thoughtful, practical, and stylish and in keeping with the realities of connected living. You are best advised to accept this gift graciously (that is, cognizant of the spirit in which it was intended), then in the future communicate (subtly) your preferences for more romantic items. You're a relatively young couple (even though you've been friends for a good while) so you're still learning about each other as romantic beings....this is a normal part of that learning curve. (It really IS a great gift, and graciousness in December can lead to your being totally blown away in February (by Valentine's Day)!) Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Well, give him a chance. 6 months are not enough to know you back to front.
Any other woman would have been very happy with that.
Maybe he's a practical guy and wanted to join practical and love.
Why don't you talk to him.
Tell him how you feel. Men are not the sharpest tools in the box when it comes to women sensitivity.
They sometimes don't have a clue.
He couldn't realize that rather than the big and shiny you'd prefer the small and meaningful.
You'll have to educate him and not expect that he's a mind reader and should know how you feel and what you want just because he loves you.
Don't create problems where there aren't.
You'll have plenty to deal with in time, don't you worry!

Answer 8

He sounds like an awesome guy. Maybe a computer and couch aren't really that impersonal if you think about it. Maybe he is getting these things so that you guys can communciate over the internet, sit on the couch together, etc. If he is getting these things for you he is spending quite a bit of money on you. Just try to appreciate what he is getting you...and when you get closer to Valentine's Day drop hints. Valentine's Day is the romantic holiday and I bet he'll really surprise you then!!! Congratulations on your wonderful relationship!!! :)

Answer 9

No your not a ***** at all...
I completely understand wanting something more personal.
He just wants to make you happy, maybe you need a new computer or couch?
If so, then that's all he was thinking, just trying to help out, ya know?
Try to talk to him about it, don't tall him what you want but explain to him, nicely, that those gifts aren't very personal.
I mean you've known the man 12 years, it should be easy to talk to him, that must b a huge plus!!

Good luck :)

Answer 10

wanting a bracelet or necklace is not wrong. crying because he spent his hard earned money on you for something he obviously thought you needed or could use is a bit extreme. you should be more appreciative because the whole time I was with my HUSBAND he never bought me a thing for the holidays. (mind you that was 6 Christmases) be grateful and not place your values on WHAT he gives you. good luck