Getting married and have problems with my fiance's bestfriend.?

Question

Hi all,

I am getting married in 2009. We have alot to plan. I need a little help with a problem I am going through. My fiance has a best friend that he has been friends with since he was 4 years old. He is loud and I think a complete problem when he is drunk. Well, there has been two incidents that have occured since the 2 years I have been with my fiance. The first being, one time his friend was drunk at a party we were at and he put his knee on my butt as if he was playing around. But he did it hard in front of his wife. He later apologized for that. I accepted his apology but still a little weary. Another incident, was at a wedding we were all at. We were all sitting at the same table at the wedding reception. I have to admit, I am a very shy and quiet person when I don't know someone, especially infront of strangers. I don't drink and I was tired at the end of the reception.His friend yelled at me and said you don't drink and don't talk..what do you do! I just cried

P.S. My fiance and his friends know that I don't drink and I get very tired at the late hours. The last incident took place at 12 midnight. My fiance stuck up for me on both occasions but I still feel hurt and angry that I left crying out of the wedding reception.

Answer 1

OMG he's a jerk. Talk to your fiancee and tell him how you feel about his best friend. He shouldn't disrespect you like that. It doesn't matter that he is his bestfriend. He shouldn't put his hands on you or yell at you. Where was your boyfriend when this happened??? So my advice is tell your boyfriend that you don't like his friend's attitude and the way he acts when he is drunk.

Answer 2

wow, that kinda of sucks for you, i'm sorry. ahh no the place (on your question's element) did i examine which you point out something approximately speaking on your fiance, hi you're getting married that's what marriage is approximately (or so i've got heard) in any case seek advice from him, and notice what he says, yet out of your area i might say to purely comprehend this is he's your fiance's superb pal, so only appreciate him for that, you do not could contain him in plenty area of your lives mutually (after the marriage) so verify you proceed with the marriage and don't enable him get the better of you. and there is not something incorrect with not ingesting. i my self do not drink, do not smoke, nor dance. and unquestionably i'm comfortable with that, what's even cooler is that my fiance isn't purely cool with that besides, yet she's the comparable way, we nonetheless have numerous relaxing doing each and every form of issues, yet we do exactly not take excitement in the whole ingesting, smoking nor dancing.

Answer 3

I understand he is a bit of an annoyance, but like you said it was only TWO incidents in TWO years. AND your fiance defended you on both occasions.

What exactly is the question?

Does your fiance want him to be the best man? Or a groomsman? Are you inquiring about alcohol at the reception?

Answer 4

Okay, first this is NOT your problem, this is HIS problem. He is a loud annoying obnoxious jerk who is jealous of you because you have now become the most important person in his best friends life. That is just TOUGH.
People like this are very possessive. They want things back the way they were. That is just not possible. His friend has grown up and gotten married.
This is a tough problem, but it is not impossible to deal with so just relax.
You are going to have to invite him to dinner and let him know that you will make time for him. That just because you are getting married to his best friend doesn't mean that there will not be a time and a place for their friendship.
The 'playing around' that he was doing with you is a message.... he is sending a message that says.... "he was MY best friend before he was your boyfriend, and as his best friend, i will not tolerate your interferance". It is a macho power play.
He probably doesn't even know he is doing this, so confronting him about it will do no good.
He is acting out of a nervous restless energy that is playing out with bad behavior. He needs reassurance from both you and his best friend.
If you don't get him under control before time for the wedding, I would not invite him. If you do invite him before he is 'reassured' and more comforatable, he may do something as a cry for attention at the wedding such as drinking excessively, targeting you as the bad guy by acting out in some way toward you, or just make an embarrassing scene to ruin the wedding/reception. He will make himself be heard.
The way to get him 'under control' ... is too try your best to become important in his life too. Really try to get to know him. Find something to like about him. But, be very clear about where your boundaries are. Don't let him think it is okay for him to touch you. Say something like, "Hands off the merchandise, I belong to (your boyfriends name)." You dont have to get upset and cry, just stand your ground. You are totally allowed to do that. You are going to have to concrete a place for yourself in that 'circle'. Don't allow yourself to be pushed out.
Just realize that this problem is between you and the best friend. Your boyfriend should not be put in the middle of this because it will tear him apart and destroy him. You dont want to be responcible for that.
Perhaps buy the best friend a small gift. Let your boyfriend know that you are doing this. Give him the gift and offer it as a peace offering. Give him a hug and tell him thanks for being your boyfriends best friend and that you hope that you two can grow to have a friendship as well.

Answer 5

I would say good for your fiance for sticking up for you. BUt maybe he needs to lessen the time he spends with this friend. At this point you should be the number 1 person in his life. There should be no excuses for someone hurting you. You should be able to not drink and be tired and just be okay with that. This so called friend needs to take a back seat. It is especially important that your fiance sticks up for you. You should be able to feel safe and protected with your fiance. It would be awkward for you to stand up to this guy, not only because of your personality, but also because of the relationship between him and your soon to be husband. It is his job to put his foot down and stop any harrassment. If he doesnt, then I think I would start looking someplace else for a fiance. If you are alone with this guy YOU will need to make it clear that he is HANDS OFF. You should NEVER be alone with him!

Answer 6

As hard as it may be to take, your fiance' needs to be told exactly what you just said here. Tell him that you realise that the guy is his best friend, but you will not allow him to insult or humiliate you at your own wedding. If your fiance' is any sort of man he will understand. If he is insistant that this friend be there I would set up STRICT guidelines about his behavior and stick to them. Tell him if he acts inappropratly he will be asked to leave, and dont' back down.
Maybe not serving Alchol at the reception will be helpful. Don't let anyone ruin your day. Make the best of it.

Answer 7

I don't mean to be unkind here, but it seems as if this is a two-sided problem. Your fiance's friend is a bit boorish when he drinks. However, you seem to be considerably more sensitive than most people. I'm not saying that's wrong, but it also doesn't sound like this friend's behavior s way over the top, either. Life (and especially marriage) is a series of adjustments. You and your fiance's friend need to adjust a bit to each other. He needs to become more sensitive, you need to be less so.

Answer 8

Well to be honest with u , u have to first of all take into consideration that the best way to keep a happy relationship is for ur spouse to understand that ur more important than his friends, u shouldnt have to worry about what u need to do, he should be mature enough to see it and stop it. If he cant take up for u then hes wrong for u. Try talkin to your fiance put you foot down but in the same sense dont forget that his best friend was there before u!!! All the memories they have and the times they went though can never be replaced and if you make him let him go then he'll hold alittle grudge. Time changes everything and people grow apart. im sure that ur fiance will realize in time that he is unhealthy IF HE IS... and then he himself will drift from him!!! My dad always told me that friends are only seasonal and in the end youll be suprised of where the wind drifts them and its true. Dont worry your man should always put you first if he loves u and he's really yours. LEt him know how you feel and let him know that u respect his friendship but you respect yourself more. Dont make him chose cuz he'll hate you for it, just know he'll eventually drift. And if you feel comfortable talkin to his friend yourself then do so. Let him know you respect him and expect the best in return....cuz in the end you will be the wife!!!! Im sure he'll see the light..lol

Answer 9

I'm not entirely sure what problems he's causing during this stage of your wedding planning. It sounds as though he's just a pain in the rear in general. What are you asking for exactly? If anything, talk to your fiancee about how you feel. If there is anyone to set him straight it should be your fiancee to tell him to behave.

Answer 10

Well why don't you just have a small wedding that does not include the friend.
or
There is no law that says you have to serve alcohol at the reception. If he can't get drunk he shouldn't be a problem.

Answer 11

Hey,

I am sure you don't want to hear this but I think you need to stand up for yourself and for the people you love.

This in return will gain you some more respect. A good joke will normally do the trick already, and will gain a good laugh when you are with many people.

be aware, that they will come with a good joke back!!! But just laugh about that in return... it will make the whole evening more pleasant.

They advance for you is:
- You gain more respect
- People will start seeing you more as part the group
- People will respect you more.

.... drink a beer or 2 in a evening... you will have loads of fun..

Ries