Meeting my dad...?

Question

I am 22 years old. I never knew who my dad was, and I was totally comfortable never knowing.
Well, my mom decided to introduce me to my grandma and uncle on my dad's side. I really like them, which is a suprise, because I didn't think I would. I have yet to meet my dad though. Actually, he still doesn't even know I exist.
Well, my new Grandma and uncle have this plan to introduce us at a family christmas party. I'm not too sure how that's gonna go over...
I'm pretty confused right now, I mean I didn't ask for all of this new family, and I'm not even sure I really want to meet my dad. I do plan on keeping a relationship with my grandma and uncle though, because I really like them.
I am just so confused right now, I really don't know what to do. Any suggestions/advice appreciated

To answer some of your questions, the reason I was kept from him was because when my mom found out she was pregnant, they had already broken up. He had a new girlfriend, and didn't want anything to do with my mom.
I really don't know why it took so long for my mom to change her mind.
Furthermore, he was 14, and my mom 15 when she got pregnant... I think that is a big part of what is scaring me. Telling a 36 year old man who just started his own family that he is already a grandpa...
As for dna, that will come in time, but I am 100% sure that this is my family. Not just because of physical resemblance, but other things as well.

Answer 1

I f you dont want to meet him that way speak up.Ask his parents if you can meet earlier and in private.

Answer 2

You have very little to loose but a lot to gain. If he does not know you even exist you should offer him the chance. You already met some of the family and it should give you good insight into the man that is your father. Meet him on your terms the way you envision it. If you are not feeling it at a party suggest something you are more comfortable with.

Answer 3

Ask yourself what do I lose by this meeting? So you meet your father and what do you lose. I must say I don't like the thought of the Chirstmas party at all. Why so formal. I wish i knew more to the circumstances in why you do not know your father. Was this a one night love affair for your mom. Did he know you exsisted> I need to know more about the situation. . The formal meeting is fake and you probably do not need fake in your life right now. The meeting among a happy occasion will be so superficial. If you want to meet your dad ask to meet him before the event. If you meet at the Christmas party there will be no answer meant to your expectation's because I know you must have them if he knew of you. GOOD LUCK>>>Send more info!!!

Answer 4

I meet my father only a few years ago when I was 20. I didnt think I ever wanted to cause I knew he knew about me and never tried to find me. Well out of the blue one day he found me. It turned out he didnt want to find me cause he thought that I thought I had a different father and he didnt want to put me through the confusion. Luckily, I have a wonderful boyfriend who I am still with who took me to meet my father. I was soo nervous. But so was he. and now it is like we never were apart. People make mistakes in life and time is to short to not move beyond the mistake. Take this opprotunitly and meet your dad. you will feel like a big piece of your life puzzle was just found. I wouldnt suggest it happen at Christmas.Thats alot of people at one time and maybe overwhelming for both of you. I think your grandmother should tell him about you first and then you should try talking on the phone until christmas and then meet at the party.Good luck to you and I hope that everything works out.

Answer 5

just go with it. it is going to be hard but i know that it will be worth it and u will probly get along with him and i am sure that he will love u and care for u like a son. i know this becuase i have gone though this and i did not meet my father untill i was 18. now that i know my father i wish that i had known him all my life. he is the greatest dad ever. if u do not meet him u will miss out. trust me even if u don't get along at least u and him know who each other are. i wish u the bet of luck man!

Answer 6

I think you should tell them that you do not want to be part of this "surprise introduction"- I think it has disaster written all over it. Your mom should get in touch with your dad, tell him that you exist (like she should have 22+ years ago) and then take it from there. Think how you would feel if someone sprung that kind of news on you! It's not going to go well.

Answer 7

Give it time honey. If your not ready your not ready. Tell them you are not ready to meet him and that you may not be ready come Christmas. Let them know how you feel. Your in shock right now and it's hard to take it all in so as I said give your self some time things will work out. Good luck

Answer 8

I think it would be nice for you to meet your dad and you never know it just might be what you need at this present time. Doesn't mean that everything has to change but give it a chance he has never been in your life and maybe he would like to meet you and its going to be different for him too. Think optimistic

Answer 9

I would not want to meet at a party. Something more low keyed would be better. But you are an adult now and you need to speak up and tell them how you want to handle this situation. It's harder on you than it is on anyone else so it should be your decision.

Answer 10

Appears to me you should be happy and excited about that. You two should have a lot to talk about. What you've been up to, what's he been up to. Hows life now for the two of you. What does he do for fun, what you do for fun. What and why were you kept appart. Many things.