How can I build a social life and stop being a loser?

Question

Hello my name is James, I'm a 19 year old college student. I am very lonely and shy. I'm a virgin and never had a girlfriend. I've never even been on a date. I been told that I'm an atrractive guy alot, but I told scared to make any moves. I don't have any friends. I don't know how to make friends cause I'm so shy. My life is only in school and work. I don't ever go out during to weekends. I always sad and depressed due to my loneliness.How can I change my life before I go insane.

Answer 1

We all get scared from time to time when it comes to putting ourselves out there, but you're 19 now james and that means you're not a kid anymore. Its time to man up and start talking to people.Its really not that difficult and It gets easier the more you practice. Join some clubs in college, chill out, be friendly and positive and before long you'll have friends, maybe even a girlfriend. Good luck and remember you only live once (unless you're a buddhist)

Answer 2

Hi, Joho. I'll be turning 50 this year (AGGH!) and I've been through many of the same problems you describe. I, too, try to avoid large crowds of people because I become very nervous. Until I sought professional help for my depression, I, too, would remain at home and hardly ever go to a place where I knew there would be a lot of people. I was bullied all through elementary and junior high schools because I was fat (I've lost 50 lbs. since then, mostly from anxiety. When I meet someone who hasn't seen me for years, they often ask, "Wow, Ive been trying to lose weight for years. How did you do it!" I just tell them, "You wouldn't want to try it." I had had only one close friend all through school and, when my family moved from New Jersey to Virginia 13 years ago, I was afraid I'd lose touch with him. However, we keep in touch via telephone and the Internet. The thing that really surprised me, though, was that I actually made some new friends here in Virginia. Two of them, a woman and her daughter, have become very close friends. The woman is divorced and going through tough times financially. While I can't help her with money, I try to allay her anxieties just by being there when she wants to talk to someone. Her daughter, whom her mother and I just found out had been sexually abused by her father, is a caring, beautiful girl. The three of us often get together just to talk. If one of us has a problem, the other two will try to comfort him/her and we all feel better afterwards. Now, this might sound like a commercial, but one thing I found to help control my fear of being around a lot of people and actually talking to them was taking the Dale Carnegie course in public speaking. There, there is a totally non-threatening environment where the instructors encourage students to support each other. At first, I didn't think I'd last through two or three classes, but I finished the course and ended up becoming a graduate-assistant (a person who has completed the course and assists new students in the next series of classes). Please let me know if any of this helps, and good luck! Mark

Answer 3

Well now... I would say you have a lot to work on.

1. Maybe see a counselor. It will give you someone to talk to and might help with over coming your shyness b/c you'll be opening up to another individual.

2. Make some friends. Then they'll introduce you to their friends which might even bring you more friends. The good thing is you're a working student. The two best and easiest places to meet people are SCHOOL and WORK. Try asking your favorite co-worker if they'd like to hang out sometime.

3. I know it might sound silly... but since you're shy maybe you should try the myspace routine. You'll be able to communicate without someone and hopefully open up/get to know them on a somewhat personal level better before having to actually talk to them IN PERSON which is much tougher, believe me.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

In elementry, I was a BIG time loser (I mean the worst type) and EVERYONE was in a clique, except me. When 6th grade came, I knew I had to do something. Here are my tips:

*It's tempting, but don't start with the popular college students, but don't start with the other losers either.

*Getting into conversations, even you don't care about what the heck the person's talking about.

* Watch what you say, nothing offensive towards other students. It'll come back to bite you!

*Laugh a lot. I know it's hard, but the more you laugh, the more natural it gets

*Wear clothing brands that the more popular people wear, but don't be a copycat.

*About the girlfriend, go places with her and a group of her friends. Smile at her often, laugh at her jokes, and sympathize at her pain. When you, her, & a group of people go places, sit next to her. Eventually, you'll go places with just the two of you.

Answer 5

you need to build up your confidence in yourself. If you ask a girl to stop for ice cream, a soda, or whatever, after school, it is not a date but a way of making a friend and that would be a start and perhaps easier than asking her out on a date.
you might take up something like bowling that you can do alone but as you get better at that, it should build up your confidence.
Perhaps even join a health club if you can afford it.
go to a health food store and get some DMAE which helps concentration and memory - natural with no side effects - and as your schooling gets easier that may help your confidence as well and you may find a girl who needs help with homework who wants your help.
find a church in your area and usually everyone there will welcome new faces so you can start that way to make friends.
You might be able to make friends online first and then that may lead to it being easier to make friends in real life as well, as it did for one person I talk to online.
You can try to think of other things, based upon your knowledge of yourself but basically set yourself goals of some type, starting with little ones at first, and feel pride when you complete those goals. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 6

Your answer is in other guys. You need to make friends with some nice fellows, then they will take you to parties and things to do. Go to whatever games are out there, join a theater group -- something, anything. You're getting old enough to stop thinking everybody is paying attention to you the way we did when we're 13-14, think outside yourself.

Answer 7

You're not a loser, a lot of guys are like this.

I reckon, you should get up and try new things, take risks. Don't worry if you make the wrong moves, just move on.

Before we can walk, we have to stumble and fall sometime right?

Good luck!

Answer 8

oh man, good thing its not too late to date. i know your a smart person who cares about school and education, and its important through life. But, friendship and relationship should be 1st goal on everyone's mind. without companionship its really hard to live a life with no friends. try to take some time to go out and see the outside world. try to have good education and at the sametime have friends. the reason why you dont have a girlfriend is because you dont get out of your house. so please do that! its time is ticking. . .
--Brian

Answer 9

You need to build up your self confidence. Get some tapes from ur library or every am look at yourself in the bathroom mirror and say "I am beautiful" or "I like myself"

Answer 10

Confident! Yeah! Also being friend and start flirting around but do stop when you fall in love with someone.