parent of teens, what would you do?

Question

there is this kid who is 16, boy. he is not going to school, refuses to go,even when you manage to get him into the vehicle to transport him to school. he hangs out lord knows where. he doesnt come home. he doesnt want to work. he smokes pot. he is a bully to siblings. and disrepectful to parents. he refuses to continue treatment like counseling. so you let the other parent deal with him because you tryed to do what you can and the other parent and the child say they think it bests for him to live there. OK.......he continues to behave in such manner, expect his anger esculates.........
POINT OR QUESTION......what would you do? how would you reach this kid? what else is out there? I know there is boot camp, but limited money....and most programs are volunteer status and he aint gunna volunteer, i already tried. any advice? i am worried about him and dont know what to do.

to the parent who is the friend to his child, are you a male and is your child a male?

Answer 1

I don't know where you live, but many of the larger cities have a "scared straight" program where they take kids like the one you describe and take them to prisons where they spend some time listening to inmates talk about how they wound up in prison. For some young kids this is very effective as they see where they are going to find themselves if they continue in their behavioural pattern.

If he refuses to go to school, most towns have a program where they will enforce school on him even if it means putting him is some controlled institution. This will not cost you anything as each town is legally responsible to make sure the kid is in school.

You don't say if this kid has always been this way, so it could be a phase he will grow out of. If not, he will eventually wind up dead, in prison or sleeping under a bridge at night. Try to make him understand that his life course will lead to one of those unpleasant results.

PS- some of those boot camps are not voluntary. You have legal authority over a 16 year old and you can throw him in there whether he likes it or not. However some of them are really bad news. Such a choice requires a lot of research.

Answer 2

I was 15 when I had my baby, Age does play a factor since there is a big maturity level from being 15 or 17 compared to being 27. I feel if you were brought up right then there are no questions about the love you have for a child when it is born no matter what your age is. If I could turn back time yes I would have waited but abortion was never an option but I was blessed in the fact that I was able to support myself financially since I came into allot of money $300,000.00 when I was 15 from an auto accident prior to conceiving so that helped tremendously and took allot of worries off my shoulders and my parents. I had an amazing support system and loving family which is very important having a child young. I don't think at any age you are prepared for the responsibilities a child needs and you learn as you go.. You can make it and be fine and the child can grow up and not be effected by being so young when you had her believe me, my daughter is 10, straight A student, I went to college, live on my own and have been since i was 19, I do it on my own with the support of my family and husband.. Best of luck to you and your baby and don't let some of these posts get to you, they dont know you or your up bringing..

Answer 3

I know that feeling well. My son acted up terribly when he was young. I had him in therapy, mental hospitals, special education classes, and a type of school where they locked up the children from 6am until 6pm and made them work.

Fortunately, my son was not doing drugs, but he had a bad temper. I could tell you hundreds of stories about what I went through. Finally, he threatened me, and I had him locked up in juvenile jail. He decided he was not such a hard as# after all. He finally straightened up at age 17.

I just kept reminding him that no matter what I had to do, I was going to love him enough to save him from himself. According to him now, telling him constantly that no matter how mad I got, or what I had to do, that I would still love him, made all of the difference to him. I just kept saying that he was my son, I loved him, and it was my job to make sure that he grew up to be a respected member of society. I told him that if it killed me, I was going to do my job, and I did!

Of course, everyone that knows my son and me, says that I have a place in heaven reserved for what I went through. It is way too long to explain, but NEVER give up on your child. Believe it or not, it is worth the effort in the end.

He is 20 now and a good, although very stubborn, young man. He loves me so much, and he thanks me every so often for the patience I had with him when he was younger.

Answer 4

16 year olds think they own the world, and see themselves as adults.. so i believe the best strategy is to be a friend to him... i have a 16 yr old son, and although he doesnt do pots, and not a problem really, we have encountered some difficulties in his school before because of his behavior. i noticed that when a teacher is nice to him, he treats him well, but if the teacher is mean, the more he gives him problems.. and so in seeing this, i changed my strategy - instead of condoning his behavior, i befriended him... i showed him that im on his side, and that i understood the "phases" he's into...and in doing so, i noticed that he slowly begun opening up to me, even telling me his personal and private stories.. and he learned to clean up his act in school, not so much for himself, but more so to give a good impression on me, because i showed him that i care and that i trust him. oh, and by the way, i befriended his friends too!!! now his friends have so much respect for me they are the first ones to tell me if something isnt right...and because they feel welcome in my house, my place became their sort of "meeting place". in so doing, i am able to see more or less how they interact with one another, i also get to hear some of their personal problems...and im glad that i am able to help even in my own little way.. hope i'm able to help you too!!

Answer 5

Have you tried sitting him down and telling him that if he doesn't straighten out that you will give him to the county as uncontrollable.

He needs a reason to straighten up and some won't or can't and it's sad.

Answer 6

we have a similar issue in my family. my brother was like that (is still like that) growing up. he's been in and out of group homes, been in counseling for a brief time with meds. now he's in and out of jail. no job, no school.

one of our neighbors who seemed to have a great family began to have similar problems and now their kid is a ward of the state. they haven't seen him in like a year. it's so sad. i'm not sure what you should do.