My son is 16 but acts alot younger. Diag, in 3rd grade with ADHD. Has been in therapy numerous times due to sexual abuse (that happened when he was 5.)
He spent a year (in 14 out at 15) at a christian youth academy for his defiant and rude behavior, and low self esteem issues...we have never been able to trust him on the computer EVER so we took it.
My husband and I keep our computers locked because of this.... but the times he has managed to get on the internet he ALWAYS looks at gay porn.
We have talked to him about this and he said that he wishes he looked like some of these guys and that is all it is. I do understand that every teen male goes through different things as they are becoming an adult, but I am beginning to worry. He does great in school, in honor classes and yet when he gets home he trys to act like the parent.
I am in the process of trying to get him help with another resident program, because as a parent I don't know what else to do... how did I fail him.
2007-10-07 18:12:48 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes he was abused by young male.
2007-10-07 18:24:10 · update #1
Yes he was abused by a young male. And he manipulates the therapist....until they tell me hes fine.
I love my son and we have grown apart...but not just because of the porn, being disrespectful to me and his step father...his real father has really never been in the picture.
2007-10-07 18:30:51 · update #2
Yes it is a military type residential program. The disrespect is a problem, he feels like he has to be in control of everything, even our dogs.
2007-10-07 18:37:02 · update #3
Don't be so hard on yourself. There's a lot wrong with sexual abuse but there is nothing wrong with being gay. The connection between the two is hard to understand, as is the whole gamut of human weirdness. As long as he is not doing anything illegal I wouldn't worry about it. The best thing you can do for him right now is to show your love for him and accept him for who he is.
2007-10-07 18:18:45 · answer #1 · answered by megalomaniac 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-16 14:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the best answers, search on this site https://shorturl.im/aw13X
Eh- he is 9- I wouldn't dig to deep into this. I am sure it is more curiosity than anything and if people are labeling him as gay- he probably had even more curiosity to determine whether he may be or not. Now again- I do not think that him looking at this means he is gay or he isn't. He is what he is and only time will tell. I don't know any gays that KNEW they were gay at age 9 so just be open with him and calm down. He needs to know he can talk to you about everything and the more you worry about something like this- the more it will push him away. Whether you realize it or not. Always try and think back to how you would have hoped your parents would react- and try and be there for him throughout the awkward phases. Good luck!
2016-04-11 00:16:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not pawn your child off on another one of those programs. All they do is take children with behavior problems and make them worse. I am not fully understanding what the problem is with your son. He is 16, has ADHD, and looks at pornography. He also does well in school. I'm not sure of what you mean by acting like a parent. Is he disrespectful? Your child has fewer problems than many, and at the moment, the abuse and ADHD seem to be the worst, but you said he is doing well in school, so I'm not sure how else it is manifesting itself. I understand that you are morally opposed to the material he's viewing, and he should not be viewing it at his age. However, you have to sit down and talk to him and explain why it's wrong, illegal and damaging rather than just locking it away. As a teenager, he is going to experience an incredible hormone rush that will give him urges. He has to understand those urges and find a healthy way to channel them. I certainly hope he has had some sort of sex/health education as to wait until now would be pretty fruitless. If you feel he's addicted to pornography, try to get him a counselor (which he should have seen as soon as the abuse occurred), not a residential program. You have to work out your issues (which are quite normal for many families) together, not hide them away for someone else to handle. Good luck.
2007-10-07 18:22:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You must try to understand your child even if he tries to look at porn. Nowadays, homosexuality is taken more as a lifestyle, but not a choice. He actually doesn't want it, but, he comes to see it because he is affected by the sexual incident he had experienced when he was young.
It seems that he had been comppletely traumatized by the incident that his choices in life turns differently. Fortunately, if you watch his every step along the way, he may outgrow it and let go of his past.
Try to be more close to him and do not labael him as a deviant would. It could cause a serious impact in his development.
Thank you for sharing. This is a hard thing to open up but you gave it a shot.
2007-10-07 18:23:59 · answer #5 · answered by Iggie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My guess is he was sexually abused by a male? I don't want to assume, but I think he may be looking at the porn because he might be trying to understand what happened to him. It doesn't mean he's gay. He's very young, and what happened to him is traumatic. He obviously has some repressed feelings he's dying to get out. Find him a counselor he can trust and open up to. He needs it.
2007-10-07 18:20:33 · answer #6 · answered by munkees81 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
Teen son caught looking at gay porn....again!!!!!!!?
My son is 16 but acts alot younger. Diag, in 3rd grade with ADHD. Has been in therapy numerous times due to sexual abuse (that happened when he was 5.)
He spent a year (in 14 out at 15) at a christian youth academy for his defiant and rude behavior, and low self esteem issues...we have never been...
2015-08-07 02:30:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You haven't failed him that I can see from the little you have written here, but you will fail him if you don't show him that you love him NO MATTER WHAT. If he is gay, he can't anymore help that than a person helping what color eyes they have. Don't be so prideful about what you wished for your son that you end up making him feel unloved and horrible about himself. That being said, I don't believe that gay people should act out their desires with other people. This isn't about your image, or your spouse's image. This is about your son, who I pray you love with every fiber of your being.
2007-10-07 18:24:04 · answer #8 · answered by lillybreeze 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Failed him, what do you mean.
Because he's gay?
Because he's curious?
I don't see anything wrong with him in fact he sounds like a normal teen who's gay and curious and a bit sassy.
Make him work as a cart chaser at the local store to give him something to do. Start teaching him about savings accounts and saving money.
That might keep him busy.
2007-10-07 18:29:52 · answer #9 · answered by NoGood 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You didn't fail him.
So don't think that.
Maybe he's just going threw a stage where he juss really wishes to be like the guys in that porn he's watching. it might be it or try to get him help. and if that doesn't work then you know what that means. (not trying to sound mean)
2007-10-07 18:18:46 · answer #10 · answered by `_LAYLUUH 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋