Tell me your best joke. Easy 10 points?

Question

The deal is i need a moderatly clean funny joke to tell ma mates at school, so the one that makes me laugh the most gets a easy 10 points. GOOD LUCK

The blond jokes in the lead

The single blond still leads because that other one was copy and paste and took up way to much room

The gay joke and the single blond are tied

Answer 1

Here is a.joke a little old ,.. before reading the punchline can you guess it?
Jack and Jill were working for this company. The company had run
into some bad times and the guy that owned the company was going
to have to lay either Jack or Jill off. He really couldn't decide
which one to lay off because they were both really good workers.

One day, he decided which ever one of them came back from lunch
first, he was going to lay off. Sure enough, here came Jill up
the front stairs. As she entered the front door, he walked up
to her and said, "Listen Jill, I'm really sorry but I'm going to
have to either lay you or Jack off."


Jill replied,

"Well you're going to have to jack off cause I got a
headache........"

Answer 2

Some sequels which should never have been made:
Jaws 2, Grace and Favour, George W. Bush


God looks down on the Earth and the mess man has made of it and decides enough is enough. He calls up Tony Blair, Vladamir Putin and George dubyah Bush. When they arrive he tells them 'You are the most important men in the world. I have decided to destroy it tomorrow and start afresh. Go down and tell your people.'
When Tony gets back to Britain he tells everyone 'I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there is a god. The bad new news is He's going to destroy the world tomorrow.'
Putin arrives in Russia and says 'I've got some bad news and some even worse news. The bad news is there is a god - we've been wrong for years. The even worse news is He's going to destroy the world tomorrow.'
George rushes back to his office, grabs his megaphone, rushes outside and yells 'I got some good news and some great news. The good news is there is a god. The great news is He thinks I'm one of the most important men in the world!'


Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Bear were never good friends. One day, they are walking along and they find a magic lamp. When they rub it, a genie pops out and says that since there are two of them; they get 3 wishes a piece. Mr. Bear pushes Mr. Rabbit out of the way and says he is going first.
‘I wish that there were no male bears in the forest and all the female bears were mine.’
The rabbit thinks for a while and says ‘I want a crash helmet.’
Instantly, there are no more male bears in the forest and Mr. Rabbit has a crash helmet.
‘I wish there were no more male bears in America!’ says Mr. Bear.
Mr. Rabbit ponders a bit more and then says ‘I wish for a super fast motorcycle.’
Once again, there are no more male bears in America and Mr. Rabbit has a super fast motorcycle.
‘Okay, you have one more wish each, so choose carefully.’ the genie warns them.
Mr. Bear says ‘I wish there were no more male bears in the WORLD!!!’
So, the genie waves his wand and there are no more male bears in the world.
Mr. Rabbit puts on his crash helmet, hops on his motorcycle, revs it up and as he is just about to ride off into the distance he yells ‘I WISH MR. BEAR WAS GAY!’


I'm afraid this one isn't 100% realistic -

George Bush is visiting the Queen. He asks her
'Your Majesty, howdo you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?'
'Well,' says the Queen, 'the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.'
George frowns. 'But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?'
The Queen takes a sip of tea. 'Oh that's easy. You just ask them an intelligence riddle.'
She pushes a button on her intercom. 'Please send the Prime Minister in here, would you?'
Tony walks into the room. 'Your Majesty...'
The Queen smiles. 'Answer me this please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?'
Without pausing for a moment, Tony answers 'That would be me!'
'Yes, very good.' says the Queen.
Back at the White House George calls in vic president, Dick.
'Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?'
'I'm not sure, let me get back to you on that one.'
Dick goes to his advisers and asks everyone, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognises Colin's shoes in the next stall. He shouts
'Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?'
Colin yells back 'That's easy, it's me!'
Dick smiles. 'Thanks!'
He goes back to the Oval Office to speak with George.
Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell.'
George gets up, stomps over to Dick and yells in his face,
'No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!'

Answer 3

Shortly after Mozart died, the local police got a convincing anonymous tip that he had not died of natural causes, but there had in fact been a murder.

The cops get a court order to exhume the remains, and start digging.

When they open the coffin, they see Mozart sitting up, tearing sheets of music into little pieces, and setting fire to them.

"What are you doing?" asked the police.

Mozart answered, "I"m decomposing."

Answer 4

There were 2 blondes who were fighting over some "footprints" one said there bear tracks the other said there deer tracks the next day in the newspaper it said "Two girls found dead on railroad tracks!" Ha ha they both thought wrong!!!! I sure hope thats funny!

Answer 5

Not nasty, but a little dirty........A little boy is at the zoo with his Dad looking at the elephants. He asks, "What's the thing hanging down there?" The father answers, "That's the elephant's trunk." The little boy says, "No, in the back. What's the thing hanging down there?" The father answers, "That's the elephant's tail." The little boy says, "No, Dad. You know what I mean. What's the thing hanging down there?" The Dad says, "OK, son. That's the elephant's penis." The little boy says, "How come when I was here last week with Mommy, she said it was nothing?" The Dad says, "Son, your mother's spoiled!"

Answer 6

3 Tough mice sitting in a mouse hole talking about how tough they were to each other..... The 1st mouse says, I'm that tough that I can take the cheese off a mouse trap, without getting my tail caught...
The 2nd mouse said, that's tough but, I'm that tough, I can eat 2 packets of rat poison & still not die........
The 3rd mouse gets up & says, that's bloody tough, gets up & walks off.....the other two mice look at him & say, where are you going ????
The 3rd mouse turns around & say, I'll be back in a minute....
I've just got to go **** the cat !!!!!!

Answer 7

A blonde is talking to her friends, when one of them asks her why she has a tampon behind her ear?
The blonde says, 'chit! The where did I put my cigarette?

Answer 8

ok this is a version of "a man walks into a bar" jokes (if i didnt explain that it might not make sense...)

a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.


yeah thats it, lol thats all i could think of...

Answer 9

whats the difference between circus midgets and the girls track team.






one is a bunch of cunning runts.

Answer 10

why does a group bald people is funny to look in a jakusi at the same time?

A:because they will look like a fish balls thats is fried in a pan.. lol