How do I stop this anxiety/depression cycle?

Question

Couselling or talking to someone for support just doesn't work for me. I just rehash the same thing over and over. I don't feel relief. Instead, I need to constantly hear kind words from people like I re-read my messages from others of kind words of support a dozen times. I'm already on meds for anxiety/depression but none haved worked bc I cry everyday. I can't make myself functional. I am in jeopardy of failing my courses bc of this and the only advice from the only dr that I trust, advises to take a medical leave. We both agree that I am not getting better despite the meds we tried and I have difficulty trusting people. Once somebody is rude to me/or terrorizes me like the police for accuses me of being suicidal, I can't forget it. I'm scared to get a part-time job bc I got fired the last two times due to my anxiety/depression and lack of confidence. I always need to hear reassuring kind words from people but that doesn't make me functional where I can study.

I know my study habits have deteriorated to the point that I can't study anymore or care about my assignments. I use to be able to at least hand in assignments but now I can't seem to get my mind to stop being distracted.
Being institutionalized is not an option for me bc I don't believe I can get better. My older sis has been institution practically most of her life before ending it.
I don't have a thyroid problem. I already did those tests.
I make up with nightmares of if I quit school. I cry about the outcome. I feel nobody can really help me. As much as my retiring dr has offered kind words of support. I have had rude drs that hurt me and I feel trauma was not worth it bc I forever dwell about it.

I can't stop thinking about the young lady dr that was extremely rude/angry at me when I was forced to see her instead of my retiring dr who has limited hours. I almost feel like I want to send her message telling her she was a ***** to treat me like crap just bc she couldn't help me and she was impatient and she didn't know me.
I want to be like Comedian Christopher Titus who came out functional despite his dysfunctional family and lost his mother due to suicide. However, I can't find humour in situation. Even if I do, will I able to study? I'll never be a comedian like Titus.
I see my sister's illness and suicide as evidence that there's no hope for me.

I don't have schizophrenia. I have already tried a variety of meds and the one made me really ill that I went to see the young lady dr (bc my retiring dr was not there) who was rude to me and basically told me to get lost bc she doesn't know me. (What a way to treat somebody you don't know, huh?) Her treatment of me depressed me further that I cannot trust another dr. My retiring dr never get angry at me but maybe bc he's mature. However, he is also head of health of counselling and is retiring at the end of the semester. He is had no dr to refer me to. Despite his patience and kindness, he knows how difficult I am and once I get treated bad by some dr or police, I can't get over it. I am like a wounded animal who can't heal. There's also a shortage of specialists in my area. I don't trust counsellors bc the last counsellor gave me really bad advice and caused me grief bc she was ignorant that my Prof would be understanding if I just talked to him but instead he was a jerk.

I appreciate advice from people who are either an expert in the field of mental illness or simply those who have had the same severe complex illness as me but recovered. Tell me how you made it for yourself. I am crying for help but I don't want the police involved. Under the advice of an ignorant consellor, I confided in my prof of my troubles thinking he would be compassionate. Instead the prof called the police on believing I was suicidal. They showed up at my door and wanted me to admit to be suicidal so that they could handcuff me and throw them in the back of the vehicle and escort me to the hospital. It was extremely traumatizing and I haven't stopped crying. It scared my parents but they are ill themselves and cannot offer support to me. It just distresses/depresses them to have that even occurred. As hard as I try, I can't get over that trauma bc it only heighten my already anxiety/depression. My study habits deteriorated since and I have no energy or motivation.

My family don't support me or don't want to hear my troubles bc they can't cope and my brother frowns upon it and has already showed his disgust for me that he has distanced from me. I tried joining an online anxiety/depression support group but they kicked me out for using certain words but I didn't know they weren't permitted or I couldn't help expressing how I felt. The rejection hurt so much that I am afraid of joining another one any time soon. I'm too sensitive. There's no local support group in my area and there's a shortage of drs and specialists who are willing to take on new patients.

I really hopeless and scared of the police. Years ago, they traumatized me bc a walk-in clinic dr didn't know what to do with me and knew I hurt myself and the police treated me like a criminal and were tough and mean. I was never violent and aggressive to them. But that didn't stop them from making smart ask jokes and being rude and making me feel interrogated by asking personal Qs and accusing me of criminal activity. They didn't care that I was crying and begging for mercy. I always been quiet and I never hurt anyone and yet they were so rude. They tightened my handcuffs and dropped my belonging on the floor and refused to pick it up and said not until I answer one of their personal Qs like where did I work? Being treated like that, why would I want to tell them where I worked? I was terrified that they would call up my boss. They said they wouldn't. It was just for the record but they were stupid to think I want to trust them after they treat me like crap?

That ordeal with the police makes me never ever want to have anything to do with them. Instead of getting help, I was treated like a common criminal. I pleaded them to be easy on me but they just laughed. I told them I never been handcuffed or been in a police car before but the officer just said "Ha, Ha, you can't say that now." I will never trust another police officer again. I never insulted them but when they kept asking me "Where do you work?", I asked him "How old are you?". He refused to tell me that. They had no empathy. I was treated like a common criminal. I never regained confidence over that ordeal. That was like 3 yrs ago and now it was like I was being traumatized all over again with the police, even though the officers were not the same officers. I refused to be handcuffed or asked personal Qs. I told them I have my rights. Now, I think I'd rather die to be in the same room with an officer.

The recent event of the Prof calling the cops who showed up at more door brought bad memories. They finally agreed I wasn't suicidal but I told them I didn't trust them. They tried to ask me a personal Q and I told them I have my rights why should I tell you? They left. I tried my best to study that night which was just a few hours since they came. The next day, the cops had the nerve to call me to check up on me. I told them I felt harassed and I wonder why those cops last night didn't tell me didnt' warn me they were going to call me the next day to remind of this anxiety filled ordeal that scared my parents and me. I couldn't study or concentrate well enough that I failed my the test the next day.

Answer 1

Keep trying different therapists. Each therapist has a different therapy style. Therapy style is important, but the most important thing is that you trust your therapist. I know that it is hard to trust people, because of your family life, but you have to find someone you can trust. I would suggest you find someone that uses Carl Rogers's approach to therapy. Most therapists include his theory in their own approaches. If they say they are practicing positive psychology, they are probably ok. It would really help if your family was more supportive. I'm not an expert, but I haven't heard of a person getting better who hasn't had support from family. Much of this problem is based on relationships. That is why the kind of therapist you have is important. My family and my therapist were more important in my recovery than drugs. Sometimes drugs can't make depression go away. You need to continue therapy perhaps even after you get better. It helps if you get enough sleep. Xanax never did anything for me but put me to sleep. I don't think Prozac worked either. I think Lexapro did. You just have to keep trying things. Joining a support group might help, if you can get to one. When you finally conquer depression, you feel better than you ever have felt in your life.

Answer 2

How long have you been taking medication? Have you tried other combinations? Not all meds work for everyone which is why there are several different types of medications. Depression is not something that descends upon us overnight, nor is it something that can be "fixed" overnight. For some people, dealing with depression is a lifelong struggle. What sets those people apart is their drive to overcome the disorder. While treatment should be a multifaceted approach, you cannot right all the wrongs in your life all at once. One day at a time is all that you can do.

Answer 3

I'm not going to tell you that what I do when I get really depressed will work (or at least help) you, but this is what I do when I feel like there is no hope:

I make a list of every thing that bothers me (no matter how big or small)

then I make another list of things that makes me happy or makes me feel good.

I also keep a log of every day events, like what bothered me today, the weather, something that made me smile, ate a favorite food, etc.....

every day, look at your lists and try to avoid things,places or people that make your depression worse. if it's your family or friends that upset you, they will have to try to understand what's happening to you and you need your space right now. do and see the things that will at least put a smile on your face. sometimes doing some volunteer makes gives you a feeling of satisfaction & self worth.

like I said, it may not help you as it did me, but it's another avenue to try. I hope it will help in some way.

Answer 4

Over the last five years I had begun to have increasingly withdraw into a downward spiral of depression..

But now with the method I can fully focus my energy and thoughts into a decisive line on how to make my life better constantly. And it works like magic! I'm beginning to attract people to me once again and things have just been looking up since then.

Helping you eliminate depression?

Answer 5

See depression, anxiety, self confidence, and study tips, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on pages 2, 6, 38, and 13. Practise daily, one of the relaxation techniques on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, and use the daily affirmations: consider volunteering, even from home, at first, to help boost your self confidence.

Answer 6

I suspect you may have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

If you do have PTSD, you need to find a therapist who is skilled in treating that condition.

Meds can help, but often therapy can help people maintain. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the most effective therapy in my clinical opinion.

Of course, I could be wrong, be I specialize in treating PTSD, so I would encourage you to get evaluated for it.

Good luck!!!

Answer 7

I have read some litterature about panic attacks. But they allways seem to have a more scientific approach and that is nothing I need in my struggle to survive those horrible panic attacks. This is a "hand on" and very practical book. I felt it was written to me. I am sure that you are going to feel the same.

Joe Barry writes exactly how I think. The examples are perfectly described. And the method is genius. I recommend this book and thanks Joe Barry for writing it. It changes your life

Answer 8

Find a support group. It's one thing to get counseling, but when you're surrounded by people who are either going through the same thing or have recovered from it, it reinforces what you learned in counseling, and helps you live the changes you need.
I wish you the best. I've experienced the same thing, and what got me through it was counseling and a support group with my family.
Find a support group--either with family, or local support orginizations.

Answer 9

1. Try EMDR
2. St. John's Wort (over the counter vitamin)
3. "How to Live Longer and Feel Better" by Pauling. In this book Pauling discusses the treatment of schizophrenia with large doses of Niacinamide (a vitamin).
4. Try L-Taurine

Answer 10

What type of counseling have you tried? You may need cognitive-behavioral therapy to help you break those thought patterns.