atleast not yet thats what he says. i cant see myself spending alot of time with someone with no prospects of getting married. also we have sex and i feel sad after every time. my family does not believe in premarital sex, what do i do? he says he cant see himself beng a husband just yet.
2007-10-07 16:50:11 · 18 answers · asked by asking 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't force someone to marry you just because you want to have sex with him and not feel guilty about it. You also didn't say how long you've been dating and what your age is. That matters a lot here.
2007-10-07 16:53:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
AH....this is a toughie. Well, I think that a big factor in this is how long the two of you have been a couple for. I figure the longer you've been together the better your chances of convincing him. You know though, probably a big part of why he is reluctant and hesitant to get married is because he loves you so much and doesn't want to see things go down between the two of you as they have with so many other people in his life. I know how you feel, I've been with my guy for three years any am getting antsy for a proposal which I've been told not to expect for at least another three years. While a wedding and marraige are very desirable things, at the same time his feelings on the matter must also be respected. I think you just really need to talk to him about this some more so that he truly understands how strongly you feel about it. You might mention to him that after 7 years of being together the government is gonna consider you married anyways ;) Good luck sweetheart, I hope all goes well.
2016-05-18 21:32:13 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's being honest with you. I know it's hard, because you probably care for him a lot, and the prospect of losing him isn't a very bright one. Would you really want him to marry you if it wasn't something he wanted 100%? He could end up resenting you.
You say your family doesn't believe in premarital sex, but what do you believe? Do you feel the same way? There isn't anything wrong with safe sex if you feel comfortable and ready. You need to be 100% ready for marriage as well. You want it to be something happy and beautiful, not something guilt driven.
He's told you he's not ready, and you've told him you are. Frankly, your not going to change his mind, and it's time to walk away.
It might be one of the hardest things you do. Sometimes there is a difference between what we really need and what the heart wants.
2007-10-07 16:56:13 · answer #3 · answered by Kristen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in total agreement with Toby Partly. He is right when he said we don't know your ages and how long you have been together, so we can't really say if the bf is justified or not in saying he is not ready to marry you. But personally I think if you guys are really young and possibly only been together say like a few months (2 or 3), then naturally he has the right to say he doesn't want to get married. Because it just wouldn't make any sense as you two barely know each other than in a physical way.
That brings up another thing, is it trully your belief that premarital sex is bad or is it just your family's? Because if its not a big deal to you, you really need to get over feeling so guilty about it. Because you know what you believe in and your actions are clearly showing that. You can't let what others say or think interfere with that. As you have to live your life for you. Family only guides you so far but then you have to pick up the slack from there.
And this also brings me back to your present issue here of wanting to marry the guy and not want to waste your time with anyone that doesn't have any hopes of getting married. For one I will repeat again you CAN NOT FORCE ANYONE TO MARRY YOU, and for two, I have had a friend that dropped a guy for the same thing. Just because he wasn't into marrying her the instant he popped her cherry she dropped him and said he had no ambitions(translation: towards marrying her). I really don't think you want to be that girl. So I say the best thing you should do is be woman enough to accept that your guy does not want marriage right now. I mean it takes a real woman to hear honesty like that and live with it and then decide for herself rather she wants to be with the guy or not after the fact. So I say be a woman and accept his answer and determine where YOU want to go from there. Because really force does not get you anywhere but even more upset and alone.
P.S. Good luck and learn to seperate your reality from that of others. i.e. family values and your own and what you want for your future and what your partner wants for his.
2007-10-07 17:34:09 · answer #4 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from. My family is very big on not having sex until you are married and I believe in that also, and I also never wanted to go around dating random people that had no potential, I felt it was a waste. so I can see where you would feel bad alittle bit. I would for sure sit down with him and talk to him and explain how you feel and let him know that you dont have to get married next week but you want a commitment, especially if you guys have been together for a few years. tell him that you just dont want to just date someone to date them, you want it to go somewhere and to have the potential for marriage, if he does not want to give you any kind of commitment or a promise ring or at least get engaged in a few months, then it may be hard but I would leave him. You dont want to waste your time with someone that has no intention of getting married, years will go by and then you will look at all the time wasted for nothing. Some people dont mind dating alot and just having fun, but it seems like you are not like that and believe me you will feel bad in the long run and regret it, so talk to him and give him alittle time to think about what he wants and see what he does and like I said if he cant give you any kind of commitment in the next couple of months or so then just leave him.
good luck
2007-10-07 17:02:59 · answer #5 · answered by weezy07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, you left off the most important part... how old are you? And how old is He? I am going to guess that you are both under 25. You said it yourself, you cannot see yourself spending a lot of time with someone that does not want to get married. You answered you own question. In the future, I would stop having sex with people that have no intention of getting married. Notice I did not say 'no sex'... I just think that sorta thing is best done with somebody that you could spend the rest of your life with.
2007-10-07 16:54:42 · answer #6 · answered by dynastronii 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that as a couple, you are expected to compromise on issues that divide you. Tell him that you don't believe in premarital sex but you have elected to have it because it is something he wants and you love him enough to try and please him.Tell him that while you want to be married, it does not have to happen right away . you just want to know that at some future point in time,you both are going to be married.You can and set a date for any time in the future that is acceptable to the both of you,----he can pick the time. Remind him that it is a natural progression of a relationship---you meet,start to date, decide to go steady, get engaged and finally get married.If he still refuses to budge or to meet you half way on the matter,then you might start thinking if he is the right guy for you.
2007-10-07 17:15:12 · answer #7 · answered by abbeycoolit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation.... I was with my now ex for 4 years almost 5. I decided that it wasnt worth it to waste that much time on someone who NEVER wanted to get married or have kids... I'm in no hurry but who knows the man im supposed to marry could have met me when i was with him. and i lost out. so do what feels right to you. If he doesnt want to marry u ever then just break up there is no reason u cant be friends. and the sex part. if its not enjoyable especially afterwards then do not do it..... sex should be enjoyed between two ppl that love eachother!
2007-10-07 16:56:09 · answer #8 · answered by Janis A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, having said that, how do YOU feel about premarital sex? I'm against it myself, but you have to decide what you want to do and stand up for what you believe in. If you want to get married, and he doesn't, then you're not doing yourself any favors by hanging on to this relationship. Get with someone who is on the same page as you as far as marriage and sex goes, and things will be much simpler.
2007-10-07 16:55:27 · answer #9 · answered by god_chic 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to move on, you deserve someone with the same ideals and goals as you. And you can't feel too sad if you sleep with him. Have some respect and put a closed sign on the goodies shop and you might find a man that wants to marry you. After all, why would he marry you, he got what he wanted.
2007-10-07 16:53:48 · answer #10 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋