My fiance and I have been together for 5 years, and he just propsed. He and my family have never gotten along (they result of very stubborn people, all parties are to blame in some way), but he is a good man whom I love very much. He has been nothing but wonderful to me. One of my sisters has specifically said that she will not attend my wedding or have anything to do with any children we have, because he told her that her opinion of him does not matter. Another sister of mine will do whatever the first one says. I haven't even gotten up the courage to tell them we are getting married, but I wanted to tell my friends and family by asking them to be involved. Should I bother telling these two sisters that I will have dresses for them, and if they decide at the last minute that my happiness is more important than their feud, I want them to come and participate?
2007-10-07 16:29:41 · 15 answers · asked by miss understood 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You wrote: Should I bother telling these two sisters that I will have dresses for them, and if they decide at the last minute that my happiness is more important than their feud, I want them to come and participate?
Yes, I think that is a lovely idea. Very conciliatory. Very wise of you to leave the door open for an improved relationship with them in the future.
It shows your kindness and your love for them. One can never go wrong with kindness.
2007-10-07 23:43:33 · answer #1 · answered by Suz123 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well it seems that your sisters love you but don't love the man your marrying. But that is their problem not yours.So I would just ask them only ONE time, and IF they say NO.... Then you tell them that your marrying this man regardless of how they feel. Plan your special day without them by your side.
I was involved with a man who's family didn't like me much especially his younger siblings,(his mom and dad liked me). We didn't get as far as getting engaged. I finally had had it with their snide remarks and let them have it. It wasan't until I lost my temper and raised my voice that I actually got any respect. He moved to another state because of work, and wanted me to go with him. I declined, and we decided to remain really good friends. I cared very deeply for this man. However, I knew he was not "the one". Two years later he married a VERY nice southern lady. I had the privilege to be apart of their special day (bridesmaid).There were 3 bridesmaids at this wedding. Suffice it to say that I was shocked as you know what. She sent me the style of the dress (which suprisingly looked nice on my odd body). I spent 3 lovely days with this lady. I could see that he was much happier with her then he was with me. She brings out the best in him. She is from the south and was all ways a lady. Well when his siblings made some remarks, I all most said something. However she held me back, and said this to them, " A lady is all ways a lady, and a horses behind is all ways a horses behind. Which one are you?" She had the whole room rolling! Never raised her voice, never used foul language.
I think your being quite the lady like she was, about the whole situation. But your trying to bend different ways to please everyone. It's your lovely day, and like she said, "A lady is a lady and a horses behind is a horses behind. Which one are you?"
Have a beautiful day!
2007-10-08 01:05:46 · answer #2 · answered by navywife_2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know - the people who support you the most are the ones who should be standing up for you. It's not all about family necessarily - but it is about love. A person who loves you will not be playing these kinds of games. It's awful that they can't trust your selection of a spouse. The point really is to have people to keep you accountable to staying together when times get tough. It's not about making a big show and looking really cute and making your family look good when they are not even being nice about your relationship. It doesn't matter if they are family, friends or people you know from work. But the people who are standing up for you should be the ones who support your relationship the most and believe in you both. Ask them to be involved in a way where you don't have to feel bad if they say no and there's no bad feelings. Why ask someone to be a bridesmaid - who might not even attend??? Ask them to do something like have one of their girls be a flower girl or a guest book helper or using one of their gifts or talents to help out instead. Yeah - it's like my best friends' husband committed suicide the night before our wedding so she couldn't be there - and everyone wanted my husband's sister to stand in her place. But I was like forget it - she was never supportive of our relationship and I didn't trust her because telling her a secret - is like telling everybody she knows about it - she doesn't keep confidences and she to this day - can't say a positive word to me even about our children. So, I had close friends stand up in my wedding and that was a GREAT decision. A wedding isn't about getting pictures for a great family scrapbook - when the family's behavior and attitudes are pathetic and don't match up to the photos.
2007-10-07 16:50:22 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not tell the one who has already stated she won't attend. I would tell the other one but not make any plans for either of them to be in the wedding. One sister has already said she won't attend and is not accepting of any children that will come into your life. If she is that petty, you are better off not having her show up. You never know what kind of an a.s.s people can be. The last thing you want is for her to start trouble at your wedding. If you need to...have the ushers make sure she does not enter the wedding at all.
Oh...Congratulations!!!
2007-10-07 16:45:17 · answer #4 · answered by Leather and Lace 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to them both separately. Tell them that you love the guy and they will understand only when they are in the same situation. Ask them to just stop and think as if it was her in your situation how would they feel. If they don't want to listen then write a letter and or give them an invitation. If they dont answer you back then dont worry. Try your best and enjoy your wedding day because it only comes once, you might as well enjoy it. They are the once who will regret and come back for an apology.
2007-10-07 17:27:43 · answer #5 · answered by Melanie!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your sisters that you are getting married to the person you love and that you would love for them to be involved and would love to have them as bridesmaids, hopefully they can put aside whatever problems they may have for that one day and just do it for you because they love you. Give them the option and leave it up to them, and if they decide then great and if they come to you and say no, then just tell them that you love them anyways and let it go and if they come to the wedding fine, if not there is nothing you can do, be the better person and dont let it get to you and ruin your day or the planning leading up to the wedding day
good luck and hopefully everything turns out as you would want it to
2007-10-07 16:47:52 · answer #6 · answered by weezy07 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your family sounds like they will try to ruin the wedding. Pick some good friends and people who you know actually care about your friends. Hell I'd chose my boss at work over 2 sisters who don't respect your choice of man-- as long as he's as great as you say. Time to start making a new family I say with your fiance and put the old to pasture.
2007-10-07 16:39:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well tell them that they need to be mature and respect your decision tell them how you feel and that you are very happy and that this is a very special day and that you really want them to participate and be on good behavor... if they have a problem with this and still act the same way ... screw them... i know it sounds meen but you know what... they are your family... and even if they dont like your decisions.. they are your decisions... and no matter what you are going to get married and there is nothing that they can do about it... sooooo..... they can eaither be a part of one of your most important days of your life... or be a stick in the mud and do nothing and be part of nothing.. and miss out on everything...
sorry to be so rude.. but you know what i hate ppl like this the day is about you and being happy and being in love.. and ppl should have the upmost respect for that!!!!!!
2007-10-07 16:40:02 · answer #8 · answered by nessie86 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's really a shame that your sister's are acting like this!
You need to tell them that you are sisters and it doesn't matter what choices each one makes, you will always love one another and BE SISTERS!
You need them for this day regardless of there feelings, you are still sisters!
If they still do not attend then, They are missing out on a VERY special event!
I would get on with your life with your new husband and pray and ask God to open there eyes and if it's in his will, make it possible for them to cooperate.
Any way you look at it, You love both parties and it will be hardest on you!
God Bless and congrats!
2007-10-07 16:58:37 · answer #9 · answered by Numb 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why don't you have both you and your fiancee ask, I mean at least that way it is up to them to make the decision and they can't say "oh well you didn't ask, he must not have wanted us there" maybe it will help mend some of the problems that have been created. Just know if they do say yes you putting your wedding at risk, but a crappy wedding is no indication of the happiness in a marriage
2007-10-07 16:39:31 · answer #10 · answered by Tom L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋