During a picnic, my 4-year old nephew tried to "test" me by putting dirt in a vegetable platter in front of me after I asked him not to. I firmly said, "No, listen to me. Do NOT do that". He immediately put his head down and became withdrawn. No biggie. Then my sister walks over to soothe him and explains that he is sensitive when "other people" scold him. Then, to really rub it in, her husband walks over and rubs my nephew's neck. You'd think that I had kicked the kid in the crotch or something!! I'm pregnant with my 1st child, and I'd be totally cool with my sis yelling, even spanking, my kid if s/he ever acted up. I don't get it. He's my nephew. Are they overprotective, or did I really cross the line?? I feel insulted.
2007-10-07 15:31:02 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You didn't cross any lines. If my daughter did something like that, I would have no problem with a family member verbally scolding her. If it was a random person, then I would be upset. It's not like you hit her child. They probably just are overprotective. Is the 4 year old in school or daycare? What are they going to do when the preschool teacher scolds him?
2007-10-07 15:37:13 · answer #1 · answered by Alyssa and Chloe's Mommy 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You did NOT cross the line. Not long ago, this was normal, and children had respect for adults. Times have clearly changed, but you were not wrong, not in my book. If my kid is throwing dirt on food at a family picnic, and I don't see it, somebody better see it and put her behind in place, you know? That's what family is for.
I would suggest talking to your sis about it, though, especially since you are expecting and will want a clear understanding of how you will each participate in the parenting of nieces and nephews.
2007-10-08 00:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A 4 year old kid was going to put dirt in food that other people were going to eat???? If my 4 year old tried that I would sure hope someone would tell him not to do it.
Come on, should the kid be allowed to do whatever he wants as long as his parents can't see him?
Actually it is good that he is sensitive to criticism from other adults and his future school teachers will be pleased that they'll only have to speak to him once and then he'll behave.
As for his parents---soothing him like that seemed over the top and unless they are careful they will have a kid that will do stuff, get in trouble with a neighbor or someone else and go running to mommy and daddy for comfort. i should know---I live next door to a kid like this and saw him grow up from age 1 to 8. Now the kid is banned from playing with most of the kids on the block because no parent wants him in their yard.
You were right---but they aren't going to get it so just keep your head up and let it slide.
Best wishes on your pregnancy.
2007-10-07 22:43:18 · answer #3 · answered by bookmom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
nope you didn't cross the line. They need to keep a better eye on their child. You are not the parent, and shouldn't have to say something to him. It's their job. Don't feel bad. He needs to learn that he needs to respect other adults besides his parents. What is going to happen next year when he is in kindergarden??? Are they going to tell the teacher that she cant say anything to him because he gets sad. Life doesn't work that way. Watch over the next few years how he changes toward youand them. You will get more respect from him because you don't allow the bad behavior that they do. My nephew is 8 now and has a really bad habit of hitting his sister and his mom(my sister) I yelled at him the first time he did it when I was around. He got all sad too, but has never done it around me since. At home... that is another story... DON'T FEEL BAD!!!
2007-10-07 22:40:55 · answer #4 · answered by jabentk8 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it. I would have done the same thing, and I EXPECT my family and friends to keep a tight lease on my son, who just turned 15 years old today. I am famous for my look.
If I'm too harsh w/ someone else's child. Sorry. I have family like that, always on my son, who also has autism, about his behavior. Yeah, I do what works for him, and 'society', and how he needs to behave. I'm strict. My family members let their kids do everything, their kids are the 'prince and princess'. And yeah, it's biting them in the ***. Not my problem.
Another thing you can do, is what someone said here about putting on the 'theatrical voice' and yell what they are doing. Then I would not even be around them.
YOU have your ideas on how you want to raise your child.
Your sister, if she and the husband don't get a grip, well, they will be paying for it later, trust me on that one.
I and my friends had 4 y/o kids. Some of us have had more than one child, trust me, this will bite your sister right in the ***. Oh well, you warned her.
And good luck to you on your 1st child. In my opinion the best thing you will ever do in your life. Raising a 'good' child.
LUCK!!
2007-10-11 21:48:08 · answer #5 · answered by Vetty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't cross the line...he was putting dirt in the food.
I don't want anyone and everyone disciplining my children just because they think they can (like a stranger at a store), but if my kid's doing something silly like that and I'm not right there to put a stop to it...my sister would do the same as you did.
2007-10-07 22:38:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you crossed the line. You gave the child a request and told him No. There is nothing wrong with a child learning to respect and listen to other adults.
Sounds like this kids parents need to grow a backbone! I have always supported my brother and sister-in-law when they dicipline my son when I am not around.
2007-10-07 23:31:42 · answer #7 · answered by Aundrea 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you describe it, I think your actions sound perfectly reasonable. And toddlers are drama queens, so I wouldn't be troubled by a little pouting.
But if your sis is taking the my-child-can-do-no-wrong approach to parenting - it's very popular these days - there's not much you can do.
If I'm on the playground and a kid is acting up and his/her parent is MIA, I usually say in a loud, theatrical voice, "I'm sure your mother/father wouldn't want you to bash my kid over the head with a stick now, don't you think?" That usually gets the parents attention and, when coupled with a kids-what-can-you-do shrug usually gets me off the hook.
It works with strangers - you can try it with your sis. Good luck!
2007-10-07 22:39:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Some parents can be over-protective and not want other people to disipling there children. I tell off and smack my sisters son and daughter and I wont mind her doing the same to my kid-when I have them but I wouldnt want my partners parents to displine my child because as a child- I never had that much disipline but I know my parter had alot and his parents are pretty hard on his nephew and niece.
Each to there own I guess but if you guys are sisters- the kid needs to know you have some authority which he wont know if he is comforted when you punish him.
2007-10-07 22:46:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Overprotective!! I have a child that is really sensitive & shy but I let family get after her if she was doing wrong, What will happen to your nephew when he starts school. Mom & Dad are not always going to be there to scold him so that no one else does or there to save him
2007-10-07 22:38:28 · answer #10 · answered by Jeri E 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋