I'm a very polite guy, and I expect all the people I meet to be the same.
But we all know that's far from the true. I'd say out of every 10 people I meet, at least 3 of them are rude.
I always end up resenting those people and wouldn't want to be anywhere near them.
Do you think I'm way too judgmental and that I should lighten up and realize the bare fact that not everyone shares the same values as I?
2007-10-07 15:19:49 · 11 answers · asked by James 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You ask a surprisingly complex question, given that the subject matter is manners. If we restrict the scope of our answers to manners only then there are two issues at hand:
1. Polite people want everyone to be polite and
2. Polite people recognize that everyone is not polite.
So, in that narrow area I would say that it really doesn't matter if I think that you're being too judgemental or not. "Being judgemental" is overstated and is often taken out of context. What is after all judgemental about recognizing that certain behaviors are or are not socially acceptable? So, a guy is picking his nose in plain view of everyone in a restaraunt and you're judgemental for saying that's rude? I don't think so! It's a societal norm! It's something that should be understood by all. But ...
The key to your question is that you've figured out that NO MATTER how obvious it is that their behavior is bad, some people will do it anyway. You say it's on average 3 out of 10. Who knows what the numbers are? But we KNOW that there ARE rude people! So, the question is this:
What are YOU going to do about it? Are you going to spend the rest of your life confronting rude people, causing scenes, getting into arguments, and belittling them? Or are you going to spend the rest of your life mumbling under your breath, biting your tongue, and dealing with anger, frustration, irritation, and the like? Or ... are you going to learn to come to terms with the fact that there ARE rude people? Learn to come to terms with the fact that these rude people don't care what society thinks of their behavior, and they SURELY don't care what you think of it? See, if you focus on whether you're being too judgmental then you miss this point. If you don't learn to cope then they are going to keep you upset for the rest of your life! COPE!
Now ... in a bigger picture you also must understand these points:
1. We ALL do things that other people disagree with. ALL OF US DO! Even you!
2. There is no absolutely universally accepted set of standards that everyone agrees with. Even when the overwhelming majority of Americans agree that something is or isn't rude, that does NOT mean that EVERYONE does. Don't you find that every now and then you're in the minority on a certain point of view? Do you want to have to conform, just because most people think the other way?
3. Have you ever done something that even you yourself knew was wrong? It is one of the bizarrest experiences about being human, but some of these rude people KNOW that their behavior is bad. And yet ... they do it anyway. We all at one time or another lie, cheat, steal, take more than our fair share, use someone, neglect people's feelings, etc. So, if you can EVER think of a time when YOU have engaged in some bad behavior then that should give you pause. Hey! I'm ranting about this person's rudeness, but I've done rude things too! What's up with that? The Bible reminds us that we all are imperfect, that we all fall short of God's glory. ELSEWHERE it reminds us that we shall be judged by the same standard that we judge. So, if you don't give others the latitude to be human (which includes at times being selfish, rude, and insensitive) then God will judge you by that same standard. I doubt that you want that! So, in that sense, you are being too judgmental!
2007-10-07 15:41:30 · answer #1 · answered by Just_One_Man's_Opinion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sooner you lower your expectations of people, the happier you will be. The fact is, people just don't measure up to the ideal standards of etiquette -- and never will. Parents are not training children in the finer (well, okay -- in any) points of etiquette now, and Americans' behavior is in a downward spiral, worsening daily. This doesn't mean that you must lower your personal standards. People seriously need role models! My dad always taught me to hold myself to a far higher standard than I expected of others in order to demonstrate the ideal to them, while knowing that they may or may not be interested in meeting the ideal. If you continue to expect people to use good manners, you will become increasingly frustrated and irate. Then, it will be difficult for you to treat others in a civil manner. You will lead a far happier and healthier life if you lighten up and live and let live. Meanwhile, keep up the good work!
2007-10-07 23:10:45 · answer #2 · answered by reap100 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a sad summary of our society. I feel like you do. I work in a family restaurant at night and I am amazed how rude some people can be. They never smile, never respond when you talk to them, or say thank you when you put their food down.
No, you are not being too judgmental....you are seeing exactly what I do.
I am a high school teacher during the day, and kids exhibit behavior taught at home. Sometimes I will make cupcakes for my class, and guess what I hear?? 'Didn't you bring anything to drink?' Out of 26 kids, I might hear one thank you...and these kids are 17 or 18!!
2007-10-07 22:30:09 · answer #3 · answered by kiki 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's hard to know how to answer this question, because I'm not sure what behaviors you are interpreting as rude. Rude is in the eye of the beholder, and in large part I believe that in matters like this, people see what they expect to see. I'd say if you change your expectations, or at least judge people less, you'll probably be a lot happier, at least.
2007-10-08 00:30:25 · answer #4 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not too judgemental. I'm the same way. I find myself surrounded by rude, disrespectful people all the time. It's not too much to ask from people that they give the same respect and politeness that they get. I am involved in a community theater group and most of the cast of this show is less than cordial. Yesterday I was in the Green Room and we were all talking and right in the middle of my contribution all 5 of them just began talking amongst themselves and began completely ignoring me. Needless to say I was offended and pissed off. I won't be talking to any of them anymore.
2007-10-07 22:29:17 · answer #5 · answered by ndn_ronhoward 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just 3 out of 10? i actually think its more like 6 or 7 out of ten. i joined a womens charity group and they where so rude i dropped out of the group. if you call a person at their job, on their cell, and at their home regarding a matter relating to group business and they fail to respond and then email them to their job and then their private email, whats a person to think? they are just plain rude and thats all there is to it. such prima donnas who think their time is so valuable that they cant be bothered answering? really? on my spare time too, and i dont have much spare time at all. so after all, i figured that if i want to be around rude people, i'll just stay at work because at least im PAID to put up with those knuckle heads there.....
2007-10-07 22:49:43 · answer #6 · answered by bebop_music 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
resenting the people who are not like you is not okay.
but expecting the best out of them is.
i think you should forgive them for being rude then just put up with them.
2007-10-07 22:31:46 · answer #7 · answered by Theophilus 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No! 3 out of 10 sounds pretty low to me.
2007-10-07 22:27:36 · answer #8 · answered by dddbbb 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
First of all, we should be polite, then it will beget politeness from others.
2007-10-08 08:09:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes.
2007-10-07 22:23:56 · answer #10 · answered by raleigh_jazz_fan 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋