Have you ever disowned a child?

Question

I know its personal but why? Have you ever made up despite those difference and how long did that take?

Answer 1

I raised 2 children on my own, until the child support stopped their dad starting having a relationship with them. I had always wanted this. I kept my relationship with their father on decent terms for years only for the sake of my children. They were and will always be my greatest gift of life ...until a time came.

Both of my children are now so different, I honestly don't even know them. I think it's because of their father.
They have said the most terrible things to me, so I said some terrible things back.
My son told me he told his father something about me and I was in shock to say to the least. My son "accused me of going to make a scene at his wedding if his dad brought his awol ex 2nd wife to his wedding". First off, I would never have nor did I do that. Secondly, my children have "taken sides with their father" for some unknown reason to me yet.

So, over the phone and only out of anger from arguing with my son, I told him I disowned him. (I didn't actually mean I disowned him, I was trying to get his attention as to the fact of his behavior was completly unacceptable) He had never spoken to me with such disrespect, I could no longer take it. So I said it. I didn't actually mean it and I know he knows it.

So he has played on that to the point, where we no longer have a relationship. I never had the chance to explain to him and when I tried he'd only hang up on me.

My daughter is acting the same way and will not allow me to see my grandkids. She said I love her kids more than I love her.

Well listen. In my case, my kids are/were, I don't even know anymore great kids. I know I did a very good job raising them, they are doing very well and no drugs are involved in my case as with most of the others mentioned.

I look at it this way. I am not a mind reader, so until they both grow up and decide to talk there is nothing I can do except let them both go. This was harder than bringing them into this world, being left to raise them on my own or anything else I can think of.
Because since they won't talk to me and I don't really know the truth about why they have become so disrespectful toward me, I don't have to put up with my own children speaking to me and treating me the way they have been.

This is truly tough love. No one should have to sustain verbal abuse from anyone. If I did that to them, they should have told me.
My son is very upset with me for saying that I disowned him and he is hurt because I have all his life praised him, told him how proud I am of him, encouraged him and never made a comment like that in my life to him.

But since I haven't spoken to their father for 3 years and they aren't use to that either, they have changed and they are actually acting just like their father. They have lied to me, been disrespectful to the point where I let them go. They both need to grow up.
I gave them everything I could, they both had sports, great grades, tons of friends, clothes on their backs a nice home and i never left them like their father did. But know he's back in their lives and I don't even like the way they are acting.

My son sat me in the back at his wedding on purpose, because she was coming I only asked 2 things of my son.
Don't seat me at the rehearsal dinner where I have to look at them and don't seat me at the back of the wedding reception.
He placed his father, aunt and her husband and his half sisters at the front table.
I was humilated, hurt, confused and a ton of other emotions went through me. I had to fly out of town as did everyone. I thought she had rearranged the name tags at the table because that is just the kind of crap they pulled on me when they were having an affair when my son was only 3yrs old. they did get married, had 3 girls, then she went awol and stuck their kids with him for over 8 years. I never heard about her until about a week before his wedding my son told me she was coming and I didn't know she was even back around.

So when my son told me "You can't always get your way, she didn't rearrange the name tags, blame it on my wife, she did the seating arrangements" I blame him and said Josh, I disown you! Oh things were already getting bad before this. I just couldn't take it anymore. He was accussing me of things I never did, he was judging me and accussing me of things I never had a chance to ever explain or defend myself. He is a totally different person.

One day he told me he was affraid of being like his dad and we had a long talk about it. I explained to him, that he was also a part of me. I told him if he was affraid of doing "the bad things his dad had done", then just learn from it and know it's wrong and don't do those kind of things.

The day I told him I disowned him was the day I realized he was behaving just like his father. I may or maynot ever have a relationship with my children again, I do not know. I have hurt so bad and I became so depressed over it, it is a loss you know.

I am just now after around 8 months, going on with my life. I know they are. I feel as if I have grieved and now I am just tired. I have always loved my children and grandchildren, I have always tried to do the right thing, but we all make mistakes and apparantly I have made some big ones.
I can't live and try to figure out why on my own, so I've decided if they can't be mature enough to talk about it, there is nothing I can do except let them go and hopefully they will find their way home.

So, no we have not made up yet and I honestly feel the more they are around their father, the less likely it will be anytime soon.
I just never thought they would actually choose between their father and myself and I think they have both mad a terrible choice but only they will one day come to realize this was not suppose to be a choice. I still pray every night that they be safe and happy as I have every night since they were born.

Answer 2

Look, I asked as sorta a similar question the other day about weather a mum should wipe her hands of a destructive child for the benifeit of the rest of the family.

This particular mum has had her house detroyed from top to bottom, had her front doors kicked in, windows smashed, her car detsroyed, police going through her house. Such destructive behaviour I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Been through detox 5-6 times, been ripped off household items on numourous occasions, had money stolen from family and friends.

And hey she stuck by him............... Should she have?

I am the sister, I also went through all this. I had my house detroyed, I watched my happy world turn to **** dozens of times, and I was always pushed to the side while it was dealt with. This problem has continued for 15 years + and hasn't /isnt getting any better.

I am not immature or selfish, I have often just sat back and watched the desturction one selfish child can create.

I HONESTLY DO BELEIVE THAT THIS WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE, IF PEOPLE WERE MADE TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS.

IT'S NOT ABOUT DISOWNING, IT'S CALLED TOUGH LOVE. QUITE FRANKLY IF MORE PARENTS HAVE THE TOUGH LOVE APPROACH, I DON'T BELEIVE THIS GENERATION WOULD BE SO BADLY SCEWED UP.....

JUST FOR THE RECORD.......... I AM PART OF THIS GENERATION (27, 2 KIDS) AND I AM SAYING THIS ABOUT MYSELF AS MUCH AS ANYONE ELSE.

10 YEARS TIME - WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE?

Answer 3

NO. Our children are gifts -- and a person cannot simply "disown" a precious gift because a child does not conform to our rules, regulations or standards. But, practicing tough love is a whole other issue.

During high school, my son became very depressed because of life events out of his control, and turned to drugs. For 10 years, he abused drugs to the point he was unable to keep a job, care for his personal needs, or anything else. He lied, he used all of his family, slept on the couches of friends and family until there was no one else to use. He ended up in a homeless shelter, which performed daily drug tests in order to stay there. Throughout this awful time in his life, I never disowned him. On the contrary, I prayed for him daily. I prayed that God would soften his heart, help him see what he was doing with his life, and give him a chance. I am happy to say, my prayers were answered. It took 10 years, but he is now clean and sober, and back to the wonderful son I knew so long ago.

I practiced tough love, but I never disowned my son. He was given to me as a precious gift, and I will always treasure him, his sister, and my grandsons as such.

Answer 4

I don't have any children, but I once disowned my brother for almost a year. I had absolutely nothing to do with him. I didn't agree with how he was living his life and I wasn't about toget dragged into it, so I cut him off. We have since become good friends actually. He grew up and learned from his mistakes, and I now feel I can trust him again. It took time and a lot of talking and apologizing, but we are closer than ever.

Answer 5

My father disowned me. He & my stepmom did not approve of my choice of bride. (We are both of same race, religion, values and were 26 yr old at the time.) Have not spoken or contacted us in 41 yrs. I made 3 overtures because I thought they and my children should know each other. Their loss. We adopted grandparents for our kids.

Answer 6

I did not disown him, but I gave him an ultimatum. Either he get help for his drug and alcohol problem or move out of our home. He chose to move out and for 5 incredulous long days, I had not idea where he was or if he was dead of alive. He was at the very bottom, having stolen from me and sold everything he had. That 5th morning at 5:30 a.m., he called and asked if he could come home. I told him the deal was still the same. He agreed to go into rehab and I allowed him to come home. It took 2 days to get him into a rehab center and those were two of the worse days of his and my life...he went through drug and alcohol withdrawal and everything that goes with it...night sweats, vomiting, urinating on himself, incoherant, talking out of his head...you name it....on the third morning, I called the insurance co and rehab and told them to get their act together and agree or I was going to sue them for allowing him to go through this while they argued over a price for his treatment. He was allowed to check in that day at noon and stayed 28 days. It saved his life. I did not disown him, but I had to make a hard choice in order to get him to see that he was killing himself. He just got baptized today and is doing great!

Answer 7

No I haven't. I am not sure if I could or would. I don't know anything (except murder, rape or something against a child) that would make me disown my own child.

Answer 8

no; my son is my treasure; but i took in a young man whose parents disowned him; and they called themselves "christian"
all he needed was someone to listen to HIM; and to help him thru some rough times in his teenage life.

he lived at our home for two years; graduated high in top 3 percent and went on to college; to this day (30 years later) he sends me christmas greetings; sends pics of his family; calls me "mom" and spends holidays with us when he can. he is just terrific. i keep trying to get him to his parents but no good yet. but i have faith.

i think people who disown their own flesh and blood are deficient in something; and certainly have no parental genes. i feel sorry for them.

Answer 9

no,I have 2 beautiful children that I would give my life for...I could not imagine my life without them!!!

Answer 10

No, but my parents have. They are awful.