Women: How do you tell men (politely) not to touch you?

Question

I don't mean in a sexual way, I'm talking about sloppy drunk guys passing you by in a bar and slurring "sorry darling" and putting their hands on your hips and back.
How do I react to this without seeming like a superbitch and without whipping out the tazer-gun?
I don't dress particularly "arousing" and don't try to get male attention, it just annoys me that some people think they can put there hands all over me.
I also can't get verbally abusive as I work at a pub and have to be polite to guests.
Thanks!

Answer 1

I push them away and say "please, don't touch me."

Answer 2

Well, I worked in bars, restaurants and so on for many years and encountered this problem often.

It's NOT just drunks or men in bars and it's NOT about what girls who work in bars 'expect' or 'like', either. It's blokes trying it on, which they will almost all do, if they get the chance.

Most men ARE decent guys, which is why a joking (but firm) comment such as 'hey, look but don't touch' or 'watch your hand, it's going faster than your brain right now', or just simply 'no touching', is usually accepted right away with a mumbled 'sorry luv'.

If a chap doesn't stop after you've tried the firm but friendly approach, you are within your rights to say 'look, I've tried to be nice but seems like have to say it ~ keep your hands to yourself'.

Don't raise your voice or get emotional, just say it flat voiced and without a smile. Then immediately ask if you can get them a drink or a coffee, whatever, move on from the subject but in a professional NOT a friendly way.

Then be a little cool towards that patron until they either apologise or say something conciliatory.

Far from getting into trouble with the boss or disliked by other customers, you will be MORE well liked and the other patrons will approve of you. I had a case once where a bloke was persistent and I thought I would have to tell the manager to ban him, but the other patrons beat me to it ~ they told him to mind his manners or don't come back. He never behaved out of place again.

The boss just wants you to sell drinks, he doesn't want drama and patrons getting into stoushes with the barmaid/waitress over innappropriate touching just wastes everyone's time.

Try to deal with it yourself. If you can run your bar as a friendly place where the guys can have a joke and a laugh but know the limits, there will be less trouble and the profits will be trouble free. That's what businesspeople want to see. And MOSt customers just want a friendly place to go where they can watch sport, talk to their mates and not have hassles.

If one customer will NOT respond to courtesy, report them immediately as a troublemaker, and let the boss know what steps you have taken.

If you look after this stuff yourself, and run a peaceful bar, your boss will give any complaint you have extra weight, because he will know you are not the troublemaking type.

Unfortunately, there are a minority of managers and owners who don't care about their staff, or who are themselves not very nice men. If you don't get their support, it's their loss really ~ but it's also time for you to move on!

Good luck and best wishes! :-)

Answer 3

Maybe if you see the guy coming, you can move before he gets there. If he's that drunk I figure you can move faster than him. But if not, I think just saying "Sorry, I don't like to be touched," is the best you can do. I honestly wonder if it'll do any good since they're so drunk and might not remember your request for next time. You might just accept it as a hazard of the profession, and perhaps seek employment in another kind of environment.

Answer 4

You're right, I've noticed that many men don't respect a woman's personal space - they wouldn't suddenly put their arm around another man's waist just because they were standing next to him, but they do it with women. Even if it's someone they barely know and who's not putting out "touch me" signals in any way.

The most polite way is probably to make a joke of it. I've thought about writing "I'm not a kitten, please don't pet me" on my shirts, but it probably wouldn't work.

Answer 5

You don't. You go ahead and give 'em a little "tough love". We're talking about drunks in a bar here, not gentlemen out on the town.

If it truly bothers you, then you should work elsewhere. The men you describe are all you will find in a bar- and they are treating you in the manner they expect girls who work there to desire.

Answer 6

Polite never works in a bar scenario. And if you are working in a bar, that does not mean you have to "tolerate their behavior" Just put them in their place. I worked in a cubicle with another man, he knew my situation, and he was married, and he puts his hands on my leg one day. I freaked out, turned red from embarassment, and I casually & politely told him that if he ever thought about doing that again, I would kick him in the groin. He got the hint and he backed off. STAND your ground.

Answer 7

Since they are standing so close to you in order to be touching you. Politely lean in towards them and say "I know you don't mean anything by touching me, but I would prefer if you would keep your hands to yourself. Thanks."

Or if you happen to see them approaching turn towards them and put your hands up in front of you in a "this is my space" gesture and take a small step backwards. Keep a polite smile on your face. They will get the hint.

Answer 8

Well i know this is kind of obvious but just say the casual "don't touch me"and remove their hands from u.If that doesn't work pull out the tazer or knee him.

Answer 9

a drunk is totally unaware and completely unconcerned about "your" feelings; however, I always say: I am not comfortable with your hands touching me; would you mind not doing that, but in a quiet, and nonagressive tone of voice.

usually they get the message and move to someone more receptive to their drunken advances

i hope it works.

my friend is more blunt she says: Do you mind? This is my space, and I don't allow anyone to enter unless I invite them!

but she is a lot easier in acrowd than I am :-)

Answer 10

Gently take their hands off of you and say excuse me very politely, but without a smile.

Answer 11

It really depends on the drunk and my mood......

I have done the following:

Step away and say nothing. Don't even make eye contact. Just go on about your business.

Twist away, smile, and say "you're stumble made you a bit too friendly."

Twist so his hands lose contact, and ask him if he needs help getting where he's going....show real concern like he might fall and hurt himself.

One of my responses to "sorry darlin' " is, "Well then please don't do that again, I like men who can keep their hands to themselves."

And all of the suggestions to say "Please don't put your hands on me" are excellent suggestions.