How do we approach a misbehaved grandson and his mother (our daughter)?

Question

Grandson is 2 and a half years old and a total terror. He has been booted out of daycare twice due to extremely bad behavior and a risk to the other children. He bites, throws things (including chairs in day care) lays on the floor and kicks and screams when he is told "no" and even hits and bites his mother. When they come to our house, nothing changes. His mother who is our daughers just says "no, no" that is bad. We have a four year old in the house who he hits and bites and throws things at. He is a terror!!!! No one in the family will keep the child for her if she needs to go somewhere. She realizes he is a misbehaved child and calls him a "devil child" to family members. My husband (the childs grandfather) says if she comes over with him any more he is going to leave the house until they are gone. He came in today and broke an expensive Halloween decoration that we have. It has gotten to where we hate to see our daughter coming if she has the child in tow. What to do? Thanks

Answer 1

Break a decoration? That's a beating! Tantrum at daycare? That's a beating! ( <--tongue in cheek of course)

I suggest trying some stronger discipline than "no, no, no". Consistency is the key.

Answer 2

Remember this: the child is not at fault here. He is a "devil child" because his parents did not take the time to discipline him and teach him how to behave properly.

Ask your daughter if she needs some parenting tips - try to keep the conversation open. If she says no, then let her know that while she and your grandson will always be welcome in your house, your rules apply. Tell her that the rules at your house will be enforced on your grandson - and that you will not put up with misbehavior.

Answer 3

Kids don't behave this way without a reason. It's time for an evaluation and maybe some parenting classes. Find out from the school district how to get him evaluated. This and any services will be free.

Answer 4

This child needs some serious discipline. You are in a tough situation. You may seek professional help for your daughter and grandson. It will only get worse. Where is the father? Help your daughter out with money if she can't afford it. If she refuses, I would not let them in my house. They both need some tough love.

Answer 5

yep tell her how you feel, ask her if she wants her son growing up to be a bully who no one likes. Also point out the fact that she needs to be firmer and that hitting is unacceptable. I know a lady who's son is the same and everyone dislikes him. She just says to him in a nice voice 'No Inigo, we don't do that'. He doesn't pay any attention. Children know when you mean it, and i have never seen this woman ever mean what she says, i suspect that your daughter may be the same.

Answer 6

I agree with amosunknown except for the spanking part because so many parents spank when they are angry, the child knows they are angry and what does that teach them to do when they are angry.... hit! It's a sensitive situation, my daughter & grandson live with me. I think it will depend on your relationship with your daughter how you approach her about it but it is your responsibily as a mother & grandmother to have that talk with her.

Answer 7

You sit her down for the sake of the child and let her know this is out of hand. It has nothing to do with how he effects others, or you, or his mother, it has to do with how this behavior is shaping him as a person.

She is failing him in a most miserable way, and setting him up to be a miserable adult some day. Its selfish, and idiotic, and theres no excuse for it.

Iam sure its far more out of control that what she knows how to deal with, and because of that she just ignores it, hoping some how the issue will solve itself.

I would offer to set her up with a parenting coach, and some therapy for the child. If this is how he acts in public I cant imagine how miserable she must be with him all day long.

He needs some sort of security in knowing he has rules and consequence, EVERY child NEEDS that. They feel endangered and miserable and insecure when they are left to their own devices. He needs a good routine, a good set of rules, and someone who has the fortitude and commitment to be firm and consistent with him.

And he needs a good spanking to go with it.

Answer 8

Get down eye level with him and in a firm voice tell him thats enough, if he doesn't listen smack his behind. If you daughter objects tell her to take him home and when he can behave she can bring him back.

Answer 9

You write: How could he be so heartless as to not at least call or email us with an explanation? Maybe he is not heartless? Maybe he is just trying to please his father? Make his father comfortable? I suspect that dad may be uncomfortable with his ex-spouse and ex-in-laws present at the wedding. Also . . . is it possible that the young couple is attempting to keep the wedding very small and intimate? In that case, yes . . . I can see where half-sisters may be invited while the "ex" family members are not. You write: I don't plan on sending any gift I agree. I don't think you should send a gift under these circumstances. You write: even helping out with money all through college. Which was lovely and kind of you . . . but perhaps you and your daughter might want to refrain from being so generous with money for this young man in the future? You write: As several of you have said, there are a lot of people to keep happy. It is not so much that we weren't invited, it is that, AFTER 30 YEARS he couldn't just call or write and tell us why? Okay, so it is time to accept that there are a lot of people to keep happy . . . and unfortunately, "ex" family members are not at the top of the priority list. Is it possible to vent with us, accept that fact, and move on? Cos I don't see what you will gain by confronting the groom. I think if he is confronted it will just cause hard feelings . . . and perhaps damage the relationship with him permanently.

Answer 10

be blunt.
tell her EXACTLY how you feel and how it's going to be in your home and no exceptions.