I was going 2 leave her untill I found out she was pregnant. Now I can't get myself 2 do it. The fact remains that I am completly unhappy though. It has nothing 2 do with me entering the stage of fatherhood, I'm actually looking forward 2 that. It has 2 do with her not pulling her own weight. She puts nothing into our relashinship, but takes everything. I feel like a single man, but with out all the perks. She doesn't help financially, & she sure doesn't help around the house. I can't even get a cooked meal out of this lady. I grew up with out a mother, so I don't need 1 now, but what I do need is some help. I've worked so hard 2 get where I'm at, & I did it all with the only helping hand coming from God, but that only worked out because I was single. Now I'm about to have a family & I can't do it on my own. I live in California, & anyone who lives here knows how expencive it is. I know she's pregnant, but does that mean it's okay for her not to contribute 2 our relashinship anymore?
2007-10-07 11:10:07 · 10 answers · asked by True Goon 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't think you should marry someone for whom you have no love or respect. That's not a healthy environment for the child, or for either of the parents.
Does SHE want ot be the one caring for the child? Maybe she'll relinguish custody to you.
2007-10-07 16:22:16 · answer #1 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you should have thought about it a little harder before jumping, but I am sure you don't want, or need, that lecture! So, .... Sounds like she may be a tad bit spoiled and a lot a bit lazy. If one spouse (I know you aren't married yet, but...) works outside the home and the other doesn't then I think it is only fair that the stay at home partner picks up the larger share of house work. Don't mistake this for meaning you should help out. Not sure why you are viewing her as a credit risk, unless she is also also spending money foolishly. A lot of this type of behavior may have to do with age also. If the girl is young and has never lived away from mom and dad, she may have never been taught responsibility. Now, it is up to you .... do you love this girl enough to marry her, raise your child together and in the process teach her how to be a responsible adult? If you do and you are ready for this, then by all means .... go for it! If not, then don't rush down the aisle. Instead, put off saying I do for a little while, be there for your baby both emotionally and financially. You don't have to be married to the mother to be a good father!
2016-05-18 02:33:32 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE don't marry someone you don't love becuase there's a baby coming! !!!!!!!!!!
Children need their parents to love each other.
If you are already this disgusted with her (and it sounds like rightfully so) can you imagine what a marriage would be like? Hell.
You can be a better father to the child not married to her.
The mistake you made was not using birth control and sleeping with someone before you knew them well enough to decide if you want that person to be a parent to your child. Sounds like she was smarter then you there.
But you don't, and your child doesn't deserve to pay for that mistake by a marriage that will be unsuccesfull.
Keep in conatct with her, make sure your name is on the birth certificate, and live close enough so that you can have a lot of visitation. Or get custody.
If she says, ok you won't marry me, you can't see your baby, have a little tape recorder in your pocket and tape that! Make sure that when you tell her she has to move out and that you are breaking up with her you have a recorder in your pocket.
That will prove to a judge that she doesn't really care about the baby. She's into revenge and getting her own way.
No sane woman/girl wants a man to marry her against his will. An unwilling husband? Hell.
In spite of the problems you may have trying to be a parent to this baby when you havn't married the mother, they will be half what you'd have if you married her.
She is not a mother, she's a spoiled child having a child.
2007-10-07 11:25:12 · answer #3 · answered by pansyblue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I respect the institution of marriage far too much to recommend that you get married. You cannot marry a person that you cannot be happy with. If she acts this way BEFORE you get married, it can only get worse AFTER you get married. Think about it. Right now she's at the top of her game. After the vows, people get more relaxed. DON'T DO IT.
I am also a single mom, and I beg you to remain a strong force in the child's life. He'll need you more than you know, but being a good father to him does not mean that you need to marry her. It will break her heart, and she'll probably get vindictive, and you may have to sue for joint or sole custody, but please don't sign up for a lifetime of misery. It won't be fair to any of you.
2007-10-07 11:30:53 · answer #4 · answered by Kitten S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pregnancy is absolutely NOT a reason for her to not be contributing to your relationship, although since it seems like she wasn't doing anything before, it's probably safe to assume that she'll not be doing anything in the future, either. If you're not happy, and it's obvious, it will be obvious to the child before he or she is very old, and your unhappiness will rub off on him or her. Sometimes staying "for the kids" isn't the best idea. If the parents are unhappy, the child will be too.
2007-10-07 11:15:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave her, and be an active father and pay your child support. My parents were not in a loving relationship, and I always wished they would have divorced when I was growing up so I didn't have to listen to the fighting and screaming, etc. Staying in a relationship for a child is never a good thing. It hurts everyone. if you pay child support and be a good dad, then you have nothing to feel guilty for. A relationship should be 50/50, not 100/0.
2007-10-07 11:14:54 · answer #6 · answered by BlackDahlia 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know there was obviously a reason you were attracted to her in the beginning. Try to think back to that time and remember what the reasons were. Things have changed for you and for her. Now you have a child coming into your world and the best thing for your child would be to try everything you can to make this relationship work. You need to sit down with her and have a serious talk. It is time to think about this child first and foremost. You need to be honest with her about how you feel and what you need from her to make this work.
Tell her that you both have got to think of the alternatives for your child should this relationship fail. Do you really want someone else to raise your child and be relegated to a every other weekend dad. Does she want to have to deal with the reality that very few men will love someone elses child as their own. You need to tell her that you need her help to prepare a good and stable life for your child. That you want to repair your relationship and bring back the way you once felt about each other because neither one of you want that child to be raised by strangers and all of us want to find and keep real love in our lives. You might also look at the way that you interact with her and try and see if you treat her differently than you did when you were dating. Because once two people move in together they begin to take each other for granted and get caught up in the daily reality of living. Real love takes daily renewal not just in the beginning stage when you are trying to win someone but even more so after the commitment comes. You have to keep that love alive. She needs to know how much you need her to be a financially productive part of this partnership and how you need her help to make the home that you share something you both can be proud of to raise your child in. Try and start doing the household upkeep together as a team that way neither one of you has to feel as if your only the housekeeper. Don't be afraid to tell her the truth about your financial worries. Tell her you have worked so hard to get where you are today and that you are proud to be able to share that with her and your child but that with the added expense of this child coming you need her help financially to provide the best for your child and her. Discuss a budget with her and sit down and work one out together so she doesn't feel as if you are pointing out she is a burden. Start doing things together again. Go for walks together, window shopping at the mall, plan the nursery and a budget for it together and shop for those items together in the coming months as your budget allows. You can rebuild your relationship and the feelings you once shared along with it.
Do it for your child and for each other. Please! Because you and she are truely the only ones who hold your childs future in your hands. You have to be honest with her for your childs sake. God luck and God bless you and your little family!
2007-10-07 11:38:09 · answer #7 · answered by angelquest 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the fact is, man, you dont even LIKE her... you can have a child and not be with her, so why stay and be miserable about it?
the kid doesnt need parents who hate each other
get out now!
2007-10-07 11:14:05 · answer #8 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
have u talked to her? tell her how u feel if she doesn't understand i would seek counseling and see what can be done from there
2007-10-07 11:15:57 · answer #9 · answered by rosedel83 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told her how you felt?
2007-10-07 11:14:07 · answer #10 · answered by PMS 24-7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋