Been dating an awesome guy for the past 6 months. Recently we decided to back off a little and slow down, but nothing really changed.... we still hung out all the time, acted like a couple in public, etc.
Recently he said he wanted to spend a lot more time togehter, so we did... for a week. Then he backed off completely and just called every other day or so. I assumed he was no longer interested. Yesterday I saw him out and he was excited and happy to see me and started acting like a couple again.
I told him I was confused, and he said he just doesnt' want a serious relationship. Basically, he is not dating anyone else, but wants me available as a girlfriend when the occasion calls for it... he needs a date, wants to hook up, wants to hang out, etc, but without the committment of actually having a girlfriend or being in a relationship. He is not seeing anyone else, that I am positive of... he just wants to play with his friends and not be tied down.
2007-10-07 09:14:35 · 20 answers · asked by Leah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My question is, I really like him and I know he likes me. I told him if it wasnt
going anywhere there's no point in even hanging out or going out anymore, and he got upset and said why does it have to be all or nothing?
Should I continue with this arrangement or let him go? I really like him and wonder if I keep this up, will he eventually want to date seriously? I don't want to blow the chance.
2007-10-07 09:16:02 · update #1
He goes back and forth between wanting to be serious and not wanting to be, but I know for a fact he's only into me. He likes the freedom to travel, go out with the guys, etc. I just would like a little more predictability and consistency.
2007-10-07 09:20:14 · update #2
We are both 25 and in our careers. We're not high school kids.
2007-10-07 09:27:43 · update #3
Accurrate answers depend on your man.
If he just wants a little time away, let it be. I know I would want some free time. We men want some time off for work, friends, and family. 3/4 days a spent with you should be enough.
On the other hand, if he doesn't want commitment because he's using you as a backup then dump him.
2007-10-08 16:35:00 · answer #1 · answered by balls 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is a control freak who wants all the benefits of your time when it suits him best with little to no reguard to your feelings and needs. The relationship is heading no where because he wants an on-call girlfriend not a serious relationship.
His hesitance to have a true long term relationship could be why he backs away every time the relationship picks up steam for any significant period of time.
I was where you were in college and I am glad I did not sit around waiting. During one of those breaks I found a man with whom I have happily SHARED life with for many decades.
Use this opportunity to cut the ties and move on to a man who apprecites you full time.
2007-10-07 16:22:20 · answer #2 · answered by banananose_89117 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to say when or even if he would ever want to get serious. You have to decide if it is really important to you to have more of a commitment (sounds like it is). If you decide to keep "hanging around" with him, know it could be a looong time before things might change.
If you break it off with him, there's a chance he would really miss you and change his mind about what he wants. Maybe not though, but in that case you can move on with your life and some day find someone who wants what you want.
2007-10-07 16:21:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have answered your own question what you want and what he wants are two different things.But I would have a real problem with someone who wants me around only when its good for them.If you think thats all you are worth,well someone has to love the losers I guess but if I was you I would back off,and be freinds without the intrimancy and look further afeild you won't find happy waiting on what ain't there sorry.
2007-10-07 16:31:32 · answer #4 · answered by peppersham 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how much respect you have for yourself. If you have a lot of respect for yourself, you'll tell this guy to buzz off and find a person who can return the feelings you have for them. If you don't respect yourself, you can let him keep using you and not have a chance to find someone else more worthy of your time.
I'd say he's either very immature or possibly mentally ill. If you leave him now, you'll have room in your life for someone who can treat you like you deserve to be treated. And not like a beck-and-call girl.
2007-10-07 16:29:16 · answer #5 · answered by Serena 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no give him up. he should not be able to call all the shots. just because HE wants to hang out or do stuff doesnt mean anything. u r right it is all or nothing. because now it seems like he is just using u. maybe u guys should just be friends with benefits. that will work out fine. cuz then u guys dont have to worry about commitment or anything.
2007-10-07 16:21:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Give the guy a chance. He is obviously into you but is afraid of the total commitment thing. It is not uncommon for a guy to be like this. Over time he will settle down more but as long as he is staying loyal to you, there is no need to worry.
2007-10-07 16:19:07 · answer #7 · answered by beachnerjl2 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he's a great guy. If he just wants to hang out with his friends at school more, that's his decision. As long as you both like eachother I don't see a problem. I just think he wants to take it slow, and kinda uses his friends as an excuse. Hope I helped. cya
2007-10-07 16:22:56 · answer #8 · answered by Hope Solo 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, he won't want to date seriously if you keep this up. Back off from the couple/sex stuff and be friends, no benefits. Make him work to get you if he wants you. He will value you more if he has to work for it.
2007-10-07 16:21:21 · answer #9 · answered by alterego 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't want to be "tied down" then you are not going to get what you want from him. Sounds like he's doing exactly what he wants to do. I'd quit seeing him and see if he changes his mind. I wouldn't let him play with my feelings.
2007-10-07 16:21:08 · answer #10 · answered by shellshell 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋