My Girlfriend Pulls Down The Relationship!?

Question

For the Past Couple weeks it has been rough with my Girlfriend. She goes in these moods where she just wants to be alone. She says she thinks were spending too much time together. We used to spend almost everyday together so we cut it down to 3 a week. For the past 2 weeks she has been really stressed out about school and work and other things. When She stresses she gets really down. it takes a toll on the relationship and it seems like sometimes she just doesn't care and it makes me feel like crap. I now she cares else we wouldn't be together but her being upset all the time and stressing out isn't helping. When she isn't stressing everything seems perfect. I just want things to go back to normal. What if she continues to act like she doesn't care... should I break it off?

Answer 1

it sounds like she could really use your support right now because she is going through things. relationships aren't always normal or perfect. sometimes they just plain suck and you have to focus on the other person's needs rather than your own.
she is probably not stressed about you. she is stressed about other things and she probably feels guilty about not being her best around you and that is stressing her more.
no, you shouldn't break it off because she is having a few bad weeks. seeing each other 3 days a week is fine if you are both in school and have jobs. she probably does need some down time. it doesn't mean she cares less about you. she just needs time to recharge.

Answer 2

Sounds like you are the one with the problem, deciding if her high need maintenance is worth the relationship efforts.

At least she is honest when she is stressed that she needs space and privacy. There is nothing wrong with that. Many times the way a person handles adversity is based on the style of home they were raised in and the way their parents handled stress.

Your problem is only "a couple of past weeks" so why not give her time and space to work out issues. Have you ever tried to "walk in her shoes" and deal with all the issues she seems to be currently facing. Or, are you the kind of person who ignores things? Or, are you the kind of person who can face problems head on?

If you want a mirror image of yourself, perhaps you need to find a different kind of lady. But I can tell you from personal experience that "viva la difference" makes a great relationship if both partners recognize, accept and embrace those differences.

Answer 3

If she is really stressed out then it would only be fair of you to give her some space. I know that when I am stressed out with work and school, I really need time to myself more than anything. That does not mean long term, it just means while the stress is at the max.

If you really care about her, try giving her space for a few weeks, let her have some time to herself away from school, work, and yourself (and others). She needs that to recoup.

If you can't bear the thought of giving her the time she needs, then you should break it off because you are only thinking about your own needs. Try to be sensitive to her needs and she will come around.

Answer 4

There's two scenarios, because I've been in both.

1. She's trying not to spend so much time with you because she's seeing if that's better than all the time you've been together and eventually will want to break up but is scared to do it herself. She realizes she loves you but at the same time doesn't.

2. She's a girl! I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and there's times when I'm like dude, i need my space. Most of the time i'm just really worked up about everything and need my time to think and be alone. And then there's times when i cant get enough of him.

either way, she does care.

If she really is trying to send the message that she doesn't want you, then that means she is just too overwhelmed with all the time together.

Sorry man, girls are moody. If you like/love her, you'll stick it out and let her know you'll be there for her when she needs you.

And if you really need to know, just ask her about it!! You have the right to know the status of your relationship... but ask when she's in a good mood not when she's unhappy.

Answer 5

To be honest there can be a hundred reasons that could explain her behavior: maybe she's stressed, bored, having a hard time figuring out what she wants, she has problems that can't discuss with you, etc.
My advise is that if she's in any trouble or in difficulties you should show that you are there for here but don't act like a wuss.
Try to do something new, take here to same places she never been, make her feel like she wants to spend more and more days with you, but if this don't work out then maybe she just want to get rid of you. I might advice you to make her feel jealous, go out with guys for a week, leave some indications that you are having the best time of your life with new people BUT it may be possible that she is just stressed and this will stress her out even more... altought this is the best method to get girls back.
Believe me, a girl never tells she thinks she spends to much time with you unless she wants to spend no time at all. Girls always want to spend more and more time with guys ;)

Answer 6

certain times in a young womans life can be really difficult do not take it personal you sound as if you care about her so be patient and give her a little room. Maybe there is something bothering her have you asked? Hormones play a great deal at school age. But if it really getting you down and you feel there is nothing you can do it might be time to end the relationship.

Answer 7

This seems like a big problem but in reality this is a huge opportunity to make progress in your relationship. Every relationship can weather the good times, it's the tough times that define your relationship.

First, you have to stay strong. Whatever, you do, don't let her know she is making you miserable. She wants to make you happy, but she knows she can't do it when she's stressed. If she knows you're miserable it makes it worse.

This "I want to be alone" thing is a classic behavior of the headstrong, stubborn, hard working type. She's trying to internalize all of her problems so she can solve them. She's putting up a wall between herself and her loved one's.

Good news and bad news. Good news is you can really help this girl get through this in ways she doesn't yet understand. Bad news is, it's going to require every ounce of strength you can summon.

This wall is her defense mechanism, she puts it up to keep herself safe. Unfortunately, the wall cannot apply to you because you are there to help not to hurt or to distract. So you have grab a sledgehammer and turn the wall that separates you into a pile of dust.

Once you knock her guard down, you have to let her know you are a positive force in her life. Then you have to let her know you are bigger, stronger, more important, and more immediate than her problems. Once you have her attention you have to keep it. Don't smack the school books out of her hands and then take her to dinner, take her to the bedroom and let her release some of the stress. Keep it short and sweet. Invade her personal space when you want her undivided attention.

Maybe you thinking I'm joking, but my gf and I both internalize our problems. She'll fight you to within an inch of her life to keep up the wall up and she'll rebuild it a million times. Be careful not to sap all of her energy, but if you can't break down the walls that separate you, you don't deserve her--you will always be on the outside looking in.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I guess if you really love her then you'll do everything that you can to be there for her. But at the same time, how much do you have to put up with just b/c she's stressed? I mean there are girls out there who will appreciate you so....your choice.

Answer 9

i am the same way, i love my man to bits, but there are times when i feel like he needs to get off my back and i just want to be alone and have time to think inside my own space. me and my boyfriend have fought over it a few times over the past few mths. he'll just have to deal with it cuz id rather be alone than made to feel even more pressured to do stuff i dont really feel like doing when i really just wanna be alone.either except it and be freeing to her, or if it bugs you too much move on.

Answer 10

breaking it off could make her feel worse
make sure she knows how much you care about her
and make sure she knows that you are there for her when shes down and needs someone to talk to. even ask her if she wants to talk about it if she seems down

give her her space when she wants it and do something to boost her mood like giving her a rose or something cute like that
:)