How to articulate desire to start a family...?

Question

I am at a place where I feel the overwhelming desire to start a family with my husband. We are well established, great relationship and both in highly respected professions. My husband, with his scientific mind, keeps asking me WHY I have the desire right now (it has come to the point where my heart aches when I leave my friends' children...) and wants me to have a concrete articulation as to why I am having the feelings I am having. Feelings are quite difficult to put into a few words, and when I tell him I want to share my life and experiences with a child and to go to that step in my life, he just doesn't understand. He wants a concrete answer why. It isn't that he doesn't want kids, he does, just not sure WHEN. I can't keep feeling like this, but without a concrete explanation as to the WHY, he jsut cannot comprehend...So, long way of asking....

Why did/do you want to start a family besides the gutteral feeling of that is what you want for your life...??

The craziest part of all of this is that I am an attorney. I persuade and negotiate with people for a living, and think I am successful in what I do. However, I cannot use these skills to articulate things effectively to my husband as this is not something I need to "persuade" or "negotiate" him into believing. Argh.

Answer 1

that is tough, you should start by writing your feelings. and after you are done, edit it and make sure that it makes sense and is less about desire and emotion than what seems rational. maybe tell him that you enjoy your life and the satsifaction that it brings but that your life would be enriched by bringing a child into the world and caring for that person, to create life is a scientific miracle that you want to experience now, not later. why? because the later you wait the more complications could arise due to your increasing age. do everything you can to appeal his scientific side.

it sucks that you have to be logical and factual because many times feelings are the only things that drive the desire to be a parent. that is what it is... a DESIRE to have a child and raise them to be a person. a desire to love... it's not a logical process.
good luck!

Answer 2

Wanting children for a woman is EXTREMELY different than wanting children for a man. I've loved kids since I was in my teens, did tons of babysitting, nannying, became a teacher and have 4 kids of my own. My husband likes kids and loves out own, but doesn't understand my feelings about children.
It's like going on a gut feeling. You can explain that very well to someone, can you? You just get this yern to have a child.
My husband use to make fun of me and say, "Sam's matural gut is making noise." because he too didn't understand. He wanted a reason: why do you want kids now? I asked him why do you want to drive BMW? Why do you want HD TV? Don't you get excited when ever you see one driving down the road or in the store? Don't you want to be able to have one and drive it, "take care of it"? That's what I wanted to do with children.
I wanted to have a baby with my husband, something that truely signified our relationship. I wanted to take of something, raise something, watch something grow up. The idea of having a child of my very own was very exciting for me and there's no other feeling than holding our own baby. Instant love, instant relationship, instant bond. I wanted that bond. I felt that all my ducks were in order and having a child was my next step. My husband was still a little uneasy about the idea and didn't really understand but once we had our son, he's perspectives change.
Hope this helps in some way.Try asking him about gut feelings, see how he would describe one. I know there's a million things about men I can't understand. HD TV? Why do we NEED that? lol
Best Wishes =]

Answer 3

because your life is established, all of your goals in life have been met, and now you want new goals and new things to look forward to. You don't want your lives to only be about your careers, you want them to take on more meaning. You want to take everything that the two of you are together and make something of it, a child that, unlike your careers are not just yours or his, but both of yours, experiences to share in that will always be a part of the two of you, not just while you have your jobs or whatever interest, but for the rest of your lives. something that you can watch change and grow that is a part of you that is like no other thing on this earth.

Answer 4

I waited til I was 38 to think about getting pregnant because of the career that I had had odd work hours (24hrs on and 48hrs off). I wanted to be a stay at home mom or close to it. I finally changed careers to working long weekends and being off M-F every week....close enough to stay at home.
Tell your husband, you guys are established. It's Momma time for you....women were initially made to have kids and as time changed, women changed with it. Our basic instinct is to have a family. That's all you have to say. He just needs to LISTEN! Good luck!

Answer 5

My first child was an unplanned blessing I am so thankfull I had him. He has made me a better person, he is my little sunshine. I had my second child because I really wanted to experience everything all over again. Having just one child felt incomplete, and I wanted my son to have a sibling to grow up with. And she has completely changed our family.
Just keep telling him how you feel.
And remember to respect his wishes too.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like your ready, and have thought of everything. Mabey your husband is scared about how hell do as a father. Mabey hes thinking that it will cut into your time togeather, because It will. Its worth it honestly. After all youll have the whole rest of your lives to do things togeather. I guess you have to wait until hes ready but, talk to him about what his fears are.

Answer 7

You just want to be like your friends, you need to grow up and be your own person