Is there a rank structure for military wives that parallels the ranks of their husbands?

Question

This morning I was over my parents house for breakfast (I'm staying with my mother and father in law). Since my husband is on an extended absence for his entry level Infantry Training (41/2 months to go sigh!) many father and two grandfathers can speak of nothing except their military experiences. One grandfather was drafted and served in Vietnam in combat. The other grandfather was a draft dodger (he was a war protester and "hippie" lol lol but still has "anti military experiences" to share lol lol). My father was a veteran of the Marine Corp, serving 6 years before he finished his enlistment. Anyway none of them were married when they served so I'm not sure how they know what they told me. They say that military wives are informally ranked. So an enlisted soldier's wife must show the proper respect to a sergeant's wife or officer's wife. Also they can only be friends with wives of similar status to them because of military regulations. I don't think this can be true, is it?

I'd like to add a thought I had about this subject. I occurred to me that there might be a hierchey (ops!! didn't spell that one right! where's spell checker when you need it lol lol) that develops because of age paralleling rank. An Officer or Sergeant would be older then a Private so naturally all the Privates and their wives would tend to socialize together because of age. So could differences be due to relative ages of the ranks. I'm only 18 so I might have more in common with another enlisted soldier's wife then a Sergeant's wife who might be in her 30(s). Anyway if any of you who have already answered see these additional comments please add to your answers if you have any ideas about the validity of this.

Answer 1

It is true in both civilian and military situations that when dealing with people your Husband does or might report to, you should tread with care and show the proper respect. I don't think there are any laws against wifely fraternization, but cozying up to your husband's superior's spouses has the potential to put both him and his superiors in an uncomfortable situation.

That said, this rule is fairly easy to follow and not something you will likely break accidentally. The military is really good at telling you when you have crossed a line.

Answer 2

No. It used to be much more stressed that you could only associate "one up and two down" but that's no longer true. Of course courtesy and respect go a long way with anyone and there is more pull with the "wives chain" than sometimes acknowledged but there is no real structure. A smart LT's wife will defer to the Sgt's wife who's been around the block longer and can help her just as her husband will but it doesn't always happen. Wives DO NOT have rank - unless they are dual military couple - as stated though it never hurts to be kind to others especially those who's husband's outrank yours. It can be a bit uncomfortable though if you are really chummy with someone your hubby works for and he gets in trouble - thankfully hasn't happened to me but I know people who have.

It's kind of funny though that years ago (1800's- early 1900's) the officer's wives were considered camp followers and most enlisted wives were essential personal- as most of them were govt employees just to survive!! (camp laundresses, midwives and the like). Be glad ranking out doesn't happen anymore either! During your relative's time frame it was much more expected that you have a sense of decorum, and wear gloves and hats and you never would have seen the Col's wife at the commisary in shorts - but that's all changed.

Oh if you want to assign yourself rank there's always "Household Six" (US Army - the CO's rank is 6 on the radio so it's a running joke that the wife is your commander)

edit: Actually while there is some grouping together because of age or education for the most part the military "family" is pretty good about socializing across most commen bounds such as age, education, race, etc..... Some of my best friends are younger than me by 10 yrs or so and some are old enough to be my Mom. You will find you have much in common.

Answer 3

I have to agree with dkw, and add my own observations. It has been my experience that most of the rift between spouses is that of enlisted vs. officer, and that has been the only "wife worn rank" I have seen (mostly on the part of the officer's wives). Then again, I have always been well mannered and respectful of the wives of higher ranks, because it is indeed warranted. It seems to me that a lot of the lower enlisted/officers wives embarrass themselves by not knowing how to properly dress and/or act in a society, such as the military, which clearly has levels of importance biased on status . No matter if the spouse "earned" the rank her husband wears, she certainly should command respect. Having been a "lower enlisted" wife I would never actually wear my husband's rank now that he has higher rank. I would, however, state my husband's name and rank before my name if I were to be asked on base. Why? Because it is the right thing to do. I am an extension of my husband, the decisions I make and the way I portray myself effect him, and after all HE is the one I would be associated to as I am his wife. I would hope that another wife would respect me in general, no matter what my husband's rank, but seeing as many women lack basic manners that is more often not the case. There is no way of getting around the "social ladder" of the military. From your typing I am willing to guess that you did/said/wore something a higher ranking wife disapproved of and told you as such. Just know that while you may be feeling that no one has the right to tell you what to do, the military is still a little old world in it's belief that women and men should act/look/talk a certain way (just look at the posters outside the military exchanges as to what you can and can not wear). Just respect everyone you meet, be mindful of how you present yourself, and "keep your nose clean" of scandal, and you will be fine.

Answer 4

No! a military wife is classed as a Civilian or Military dependent, they can't give any orders to other wives, however there is a tradition of respect shared amongst the wives of other ranks enlisted men and Officers wives.

For Eddie, Military wives don't get a military serial number or pick up a paycheck from the Defense Department for being an Officers wife. They dont wear a uniform unless the wife is a commissioned officer herself.

Answer 5

Wives have no rank, even though many think they do, and will not hesitate to tell you what their husbands rank is.
Best situation I can remember is when a TSgt's wife introduced herself to the Commanders wife at a Christmas party. The Commanders wife told her that she should go hang out with the other enlisted wives.
She did not realize that she was a GS-13, Chief of Education, and outranked her husband, only a Major.
Commanders wife never attended a squadron function after that.

Answer 6

There are some wives that THINK they share their husband's rank and they try to play that card around base but there is no such thing. However, it doesn't hurt to be nice and polite to the Colonel's wife because she has a little influence with the old man and he can make your hubby's life miserable.

There are those wives that think they're better than other wives because their husband is head honcho of this or that part but you find that in the civilian world too.

Answer 7

"Informal" is the key word. Wives of soldiers with higher ranks have always looked down on the wives of those with lower ranks and expected deference. There's no reason why you need to go along with this or spend time with such insecure and arrogant people. The one grain of truth in this is that there are limits to the extent to which officers can socialize with enlisted personnel. This can make it tough for their wives as well, as social events often include both husbands and wives. But there are NO rules limiting who military spouses can hang with, or establishing their relative ranks.

Answer 8

This is definately not true, like many stated there is a general respect among wives, but to me rank doesn't matter when it comes to spouses. My old supervisor who is a TSgt, his wife was best friends with a Captains wife on base, and one of my really good friends is a Captains wife and I am a SrA. (Her husband is in my squadron but not my chain of command so it is ok to be friends with her, because I hang out with her and not her husband, she's even going to be my doula in 4 weeks when I give birth) Rank simply does not matter when it comes to civilians, just remember to be resepectful no matter what the rank of their husband. Good luck. :)

Answer 9

Technically No !
"BUT" You never want to piss off the wife or husband of somebody who has great influence over your spouse . The military really is life and death . Be Careful and stay good .

Answer 10

HA! Some wives like to think there is. Take a look at your ID cards ladies. I don't think you'll see a rank or a pay grade.