Mormon In Love With Nevermo: Faith, Or Delusion?

Question

I am a lapsed Catholic divorcee, in love with an LDS guy. I adore this dude but am extremely gun-shy after unhappy experiences; I respect his belief in his church's doctrines, though I have issues with the doctrines themselves.

He CLAIMS to respect my beliefs, is crazy about me, and wants us to marry, but every now and then he admits that he's sure I will "realise the truth" and convert one day. I have told him that waiting on the offchance we can get "eternally sealed" is very risky for him, and that he may one day resent me for it if I don't convert.

I have tried to call it quits with him quite a few times, but neither of us can bear it. He is sure things will work out. I'm not so sure. But I find his faith that things will be alright oddly compelling. (Don't worry- no kids will be involved. Have decided on that already).

1. Is he nuts? 2. Am I nuts? 3. Is it doomed, or do we stand a chance? PS His dad hates me and thinks I'm ruining his life.

Answer 1

Here's the thing. I know you love him and he loves you, but anyone who wants to change you, EVER, is not the right match for you. I realized this after YEARS of being the mormon girl wanting the guy I loved to convert and marry me. I realized something after we broke up and got back together four or five times agonizing over the issue, that I would never stop loving him and I didn't want to change him. I loved him and not his religion. I also came to a rude realization that this "God" that supposedly so loves us all, and forgives us all could not love him any less for his choice in religion either. It was then that I started to question my religion and christianity in general. I married him under no religious terms and we are still together, but this is only because I stopped trying to change him. if your boyfriend can't love you completely and unconditionally now then he isn't the right one. You should never feel the need to change a person you love. That isn't unconditional love, and that isn't the kind of love you want, is it? You're not ruining his life, and neither one of you is nuts, but you do need to talk about this. No, you don't stand a chance unless you both agree (and mean it!) that neither one of you wants to change the other, and you only want each other exactly as you both are right now. Never expect change from each other, and never desire for your partner to be something else. That's not love!

Answer 2

I'm surprised you have issues with the LDS church doctrine and not your own. You obviously believe in divorce or you never would have gotten one no matter what your situation was at the time. catholics don't approve of divorce at all. Your lds guy will never loose hope that you will start to understand the church doctrine you claim to be against. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you will be completely happy together. It does mean that both of you will grow together. You will find that you will never be able to talk about religion or understand one another's belief throughout your marriage. it will be a huge wall or separation between the two of you. and to me, that's not a marriage at all. marriage is a union. part of that means you believe the same things.

I'm an lds guy married to a catholic so i understand exactly what the situation is like.

you both need to keep thinking and ponder about it more.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, love is not the only thing that makes a marriage work. Love has very little to do with compatibility. One of the hardest things I've had to do is to break up with someone that I was in love with, but not compatible with.

Frankly, it sounds like a ticking time bomb to me.

It may work out just fine for a while...but what happens when he insists on raising the kids mormon? Or you just "won't do that to them"? What happens when he tries to get you to convert? He makes 50,000 and pays $5,000 per year to the church....when money is tight.

I'm not saying it can't work, however I think the odds are against you both being as happy as you could be in a loving AND compatible relationship.

Answer 4

Mormons believe that if you are sealed in the temple by the proper authority then your marriage is for time and all eternity and that this sealing ordinance is vital for recieving the highest degree of glory in the celestial kingdom, or the highest degree of heaven, so to speak.

If this person you love really strongly holds to the concept of eternal marriage and the importance of this covenant then there is very little chance he will marry you. You must be a good standing member of the church for at least a year to go to the temple and have this ordinance performed. You not only arent a member but sound like you will never become one. He would be risking, in his belief opinion, not receiving some of the most grandest blesssings if he marries you with just a hope that one day you will convert. Strong mormons rarely marry outside of the mormon religion for this reason. Its not like he would go to hell if you never converted, but he would lose some vital blessings of eteranl marriage and increase. I doubt you will ever get him to surrender these blessings.


oh Oregon, there you are.
Your words of hateful inspiration always make my days. Did a mormon run over your cat or something?

Answer 5

In the long run of a marriage compatability is everything. You don't have to be on the same page with everything, it is just much harder if you are not. Religion can be a bar if expectations are not realistic. Don;t lie or pretend about your feelings about religion. Better to deal with it now. I do know people who have had successful catholic/mormon marriages, but I also know some who have not. And just for the record, do not underestimate the misery unaccepting and unhappy inlaws can make on your life.

Answer 6

Best to call it quits...a marriage with no common belief system is bound to fail or at least be much harder than if you shared the same beliefs or ideals. It may be hard now but will be much more heartbreaking down the road. You should only accept a union if you can put your whole heart into it.

Answer 7

Your relationship will likely never progress. Some of my family is mormon, and my best friend growing up is mormon. She told her now husband that if he didn't convert, she wouldn't be able to stay with him. He has converted so they could marry, but he is resentful of it because he doesn't believe in it.
They are VERY headstrong about their beliefs, and you won't be the one that has to end the relationship when it gets to the point of marriage or not.

Answer 8

there's a reason that many relationship counselors etc say that couples should share religions. This causes a lot of friction. However, the one secret is that both people in a relationship need to respect the others religion. It doesn't look like he respects yours. If that's true then you should probably break it off.

Answer 9

One day he will resent you and you him.

Really think about this carefully. Once married as you probably know things will change.I do hope you will continue to love each other,but your faiths will always stand between you.

God Bless you both and may your situation turn out the way that both of you can be happy and content.

Answer 10

If it weren't so desperately sad, this would be hilarious. After all the distance we've come, it's still Romeo and Juliet, but now they're CHOOSING to keep themselves apart like this.

If you collected up all the misery from the countless times such a story has played out, you could build a big black hole into which to heave the whole of religion.

CD