Why do ppl have kids so late?

Question

I mean, I just don't get why ppl leave having kids til they're like wat 35? That's even unhealthy physically, and why wait that late?
I'm sorry, I'm having a party at my place and I'm the only one to have too much wine, but all my family had their first child in their early twenties (other than my mum, late 20's, and me, late teens).
I just don't understand why you would wait that long, and have your kid's 21st wen you're like 60...
I'm sorry if I offended some women, I obvciously understand some dweren't able to before then, I'm not talking bout them -- I just mean, if you're twenty, and you wanna have a baby, why wait that long?
Everyone in my family had kids, and we're all connected, and we raise our kids well. Then again, maybe I'm just from a different culture.
Btw this isn't meant to offend anyone, I'm just expressing my opinion.

Lolo, seriuosly, your qs are pathetic, not me.
I am the only one out of my family to have a child out of wedlock, and divorce in my family is unheard of. As I said, different culture, yours seems to be more individualistic and focused on the woman getting ahead in her career instead of raising her family.
Yes, I go to university, I am nearly finished my journalism degree.
No, I don't want to go to a life where I have no children, I'm quite happy where I am.
NO, I am not pathetic. I said, don't get offended. I was not bagging out women who have kids at 35 whatever it may seem, I was just saying that there was nothign wrong with having kids at 20 if you wanted.
I am glad I raise my son in my culture, even if he's eating his favourite lolly, he will share it with me or other family members, that is how families should be.
But then, that's my opinion. Just thought I'd right that for you. Noone but me in my family has ever being a sinlge mother or had a child out of wedlock.

Answer 1

Modern society is focused on success, and it defines success in terms of what job you have and how much money you earn.

In contrast, Society does not place much value on family, and people who choose to focus on their children and family instead of the office are considered more of a failure than a success.

As a result, many people want to get ahead in their jobs, get that promotion, earn some money, and "be someone" -- what society tells them is important and "successful" -- before starting a family.

Too bad so many people fall victim to this way of thinking. It leads to increased chances of infertility. It also contributes to depression, since we can't ALL be rich like Donald Trump, famous like Paris Hilton, or accomplished like Bill Gates.

However, we CAN (barring the possibility of infertility) raise a family, love our children, work on a quality relationship with them, raise them to be good people, and find satisfaction and success in doing so.

--------EDIT--------
People, I think you should stop trashing the person who asked this question.
No one is saying that you CAN'T have kids at a later age or that having kids at an earlier age guarantees no problems! It's simply a medical fact that it is harder to get pregnant at a later age, and statistically there is a higher chance of problems for both mother and baby.

I have 4 kids, and I can tell you that it took me longer to get pregnant each time, and that my first pregnancy was a helluva lot easier than my fourth.

-------------EDIT 2---------------------------
I cannot believe what this lolo person posted. Here are my answers, you rotten bleep:

1. Are you and your family members married right now?
Yes. There has not been a single divorce in my family, ever. I got married at age 20, and am still happily married over a decade later.
Just because YOU were immature and shortsighted at age 20 does not mean that everyone else shares your limitations.

2. Did you go to university?
I had my first kid while studying in university, and it did not stop me from graduating with excellent scores and getting a job. I am extremely FAR from uneducated.

3. Have you ever thought if you didn't have kids?
No. I love my kids dearly. Thinking about what life would be like without my kids is like thinking what life would be like without my arms or my legs. They are a part of me.

4. Are you and your husband(if you have) financially independent?
Yes, completely. Thanks asking such a tactless question.
I think that the poor people of the world would probably despise you for saying that they are abusing their kids simply because they do not have much money.
In any event, has it ever occurred to you that having kids is a different type of riches? Children are treasures, and they make life golden.

Methinks you are somewhat ignorant, lolo. Do YOU have any kids? Based on your questions, I get the feeling that if you DO have kids, you resent them for taking up your time and money.

Answer 2

I'm 34 and i have 3 living children, this will be baby # 4. I have had a set of still born twins and 5 miscarriages, i did not set out to have babies this late in life, but i love children. My oldest is 15, then 6, then 3 months, and I'm pregnant....

I see nothing wrong with an older woman having babies..... They are mature enough to handle it, and maybe they didn't find true love when they were 20.

I plan to raise my children ( and grand children when I'm blessed with some in several years) until the day I die...... I hope to get a great grand child slipped in there too but only god knows the answer to that...... My children are my world and so will my grand babies, I dont see a better way to spend your life, then raising precious babies....

There are so many mothers that have children before they are ready and abuse or neglect the children or have them for the WRONG reasons..... why not wait until your ready..... ( IM not saying young mothers are bad) I am saying only you know when your ready.

Answer 3

I think it's smart for people to plan on having children whenever they feel they are ready - be it 20, 30, or 40. Some people want to make sure they have graduated college, have found a stable job, and have bought a home first before they have children. Luckily, I had accomplished all that by the age of 25 and that's exactly when I started TTC (I actually NEVER EVER wanted kids until I turned 25, that's when the clock kicked in for me lol). I've been TTC now for almost 2 years.
Some people are just at different points in their lives. Maybe someone didn't get married until they were 30 for all you know.
I think people should just worry about their own lives.

Answer 4

My biological mother had me at 15 years old. She ended up giving me up for adoption, this was back in the early 1970's. I had my son when I was 29. I first got pregnant whe I was 26, but I had miscarried. This is with the same man. I was with the same man for 10 years. Some women may have complications with getting pregnant, some women choose to have their children later on in life so that the kids have a healthy stability...in their lives.

My adoptive mother couldn't have children that is why she adopted 2 children. Myself and my middle sister (from another family, not biologically my sister) then when my adoptive mom was 38 she was pregnant with her own biological child. She had many complications, to the point she had a c-section and she went into menopause a couple of years after that...

I am 34 and my child wants to have a brother or sister so bad. My child is 5 years old..

Answer 5

Who told you that it was unhealthy to have a baby at 35? I guess it would be hard for you to make a proper decision about this especially since you don't seem to have a ll the correct facts. . I had my twins when I was 23 and I had my newest baby at 39 and I will be 40 in Nov and due again in March. I fell much more able to handle the babies at 40 than I ever did at 23. My sophmores are healthy and strong and doing great in school in some advanced classes. My 8 month old is standing alone and almost walking...........
My baby I had at 39 was healthy and strong and I have no increase in any complications and so far in the newest pregnancy I have been going strong and feeling great........if you could do some research you would see that thte statistics (though are slightly increased) really don't change that much for mothers until they actually reach their 40's. A strong, healthy woman at 35-40 can deliver a healthy baby just as good as a 20 year old.

I guess you are entilited to your opinion - but there again so is everyone else. What works for one person may not work for another. I was married the first time and had the twins but after the marriage broke up I still wanted more kids...........but I chose to wait until I was properly married and financially secure.......it took years but I was finally able to reach my dream at 39 and 40.........

Answer 6

i think that some women feel that they aren't ready to raise a child, or want to be more financially secure before they have children. i had my first when i was 20 and my second at 21. i have gotten a few comments from older mothers stating that they never would have been able to handle raising 2 kids at 22. so i think it really depends on the woman. everyone is different, and not everyone can handle the same things as others

Answer 7

There are two possible answers to this. The first is that maybe the women were in and out of relationships to which they never commited and kept on searching for the right man, or if not too late, then perhaps the mother just wanted to make sure that the child would come to a life in which its parents would be able to support him well

Answer 8

Um, I'm sorry, but it's not at all unhealthy physically to wait til age 35 to have a child. That's just ridiculous mentality. No ob/gyn will ever even say that.

I was 31 when my son was born and 34 when my daughter came along. My husband and I were married back in '91 and we waited quite a while before having our children, 8 years, in fact. Nothing wrong with that. :) People need to be financially independent to do so. We wanted to make sure that we were ready. Yes, I was ready emotionally and physically long before that, but that's not reason enough to have a baby.

I should add that my daughter was born with a cleft lip/palate. If I had her at a young age, I would not have been able to handle it as well. It would have been a scarier situation for me, not that it already wasn't. We knew about the cleft via ultrasound, and we weren't going to do anything differently, of course. But if I had her at age 22 or so I would not have been able to manage myself well enough when she began having her surgeries. My daughter needs multiple surgeries. She's now 5, and has had 7 operations. At age 39 it's hard enough... but at age 22 it would be even more devastating for me. Think of that. If a 20 year old has a child with a medical problem, do you think that 20 year old will be mature enough to handle it?

Answer 9

While I respect your opinion, I also have to point out the obvious..
Shall we start with Brittney Spears? She said she wanted to be a "young" mother. Well, she got her wish and bit off way more than she could chew! Grant it, she's not the rule, but the exception, but I think I still make a point. I have two sisters and they had eight children between the two of them by the time they were 23 and 25, respectively. The sister who had five kids has lived in poverty all of her life. She still has one child at home who just fathered a child himself...he's only fifteen years old. She is 41 and will probably never have any kind of financial security and her children certainly never did. Of course the rest of us helped when we could, but I was only 17 when she had her first child. My oldest sister, who is now 43, has just recently gone back to school to become a registered nurse, now that she only has one child left at home. I am 39 years old. I have a beautiful two year old daughter. I had just turned 37 when I had her. She was planned and is well taken care of. She will never know what it's like not to have new clothes, a safe place to live, nutritious food, etc. She will never have to worry about mommy and daddy not being able to pay the utility bills or not having a little something under the Christmas tree each year. So, you see, there are sometimes very good reasons why some women wait until later in life to have children. I think it's great if you can have them a bit younger and still provide for them the way you'd like to. I think it's all about what the woman is comfortable with. I guess watching my sisters struggle for so long is what made me decide to wait until I was more financially secure and I knew I could provide for her the way I wanted to.

Answer 10

I think it's all a personal choice. Just as my choice to have a child young was a personal choice. Some women don't understand that.

Some women can't find a husband before they are over thirty.

Some women value their careers and wish for them to be really established before they have children.

Some women just want to 'live' childless but then realize at thirty-five that they really want kids.

I recently read a book called "Over Protected" in which woman wait and cannot conceive. A lot of times during college, during doctors appointments, and our own family doesn't remind us when our clock starts to 'tick.' It's really sad that women who want to have kids and wait for them end up childless.

Anyway, to each their own. I think it's great to have kids no matter how old you are!






Whoa, whoa, whoa! Some people are being extremely rude about all young mothers. While I understand the frustration with this question there is no need to generalize young motherhood. That really makes me mad. We are supposed to be ADULTS. Adults don't just make jabs at others decisions when they feel threatened!

This is one that really made me mad. I planned to be pregnant at a young age and I'll answer your 'general' questions. Here you go Lolo.

1. Are you and your family members married right now? Because so many young girls now a days have chosen becoming a single mother.....or even they get married, many of them seem to get divorced in short time period.

Yes, I am succesfully married and very happy with my husband. We have been married for three years and together for over five. My parents have been married for over 20 years--actually going on 30 years. They had us relatively young.

2. Did you go to university? Many women who have got their first kid when they were teen or early 20s in general......aren't well educated, therefore they cannot see things in various perspective.

Yes, I do have a college education and I'm going for my second degree. Thanks for generalizing all young parents as uneducated. Futhermore, a large portion of this country doesn't have a college degree--including mothers in their thirties.

3. Have you ever thought if you didn't have kids? Most likely, when your friends are having fun, you have to stay with your kids. Hope you are not verbally abusing your kids, telling them you are sacrificing your youth or something crap like that.

Yes, I have thought of if I didn't have kids, as many parent YOUNG and OLDER do. I do not verbally abuse my kids way far from it. My friends have kids also and for those who don't they are out drinking, smoking pot, and doing other illegal activities which I'm so glad I'm not partaking in.

4. Are you and your husband(if you have) financially independent? Many young couples are living day by day.....not be able to provide enough security to their kids. Living in poverty kind of situation is a BIG reason of child abuse.

Hmmm, well, we are not living in poverty. Actually, none of my friends who are also young with kids are. We are financially independent and have been for several years. We have approximitly 5K saved in my son's [and cousin's] college savings account. I am also able to be a SAHM which is my dream.

Now, you hush. You're doing the SAME darn thing you are ragging on her for.