Please help me with this (Military relationship)...Has anyone else experienced this?

Question

I have a guy who's currently deployed to Iraq.

First off, the communication has been strained (naturally) but a few weeks ago, it was our Anniversary. He called and said, "Happy Anniversary" but made a strange comment later on in the conversation.

I said, "Yes, it seems like yesterday that we met and became a couple" and he said...

"We've only spent a total of six months together physically"

It really offended me when he said that...and I had no idea of what context he meant it in.

Our line got disconnected.

I got very angry afterwards. And I decided not to write him for a while. It's been a week, and I already feel guilty for not writing him. It's such a confusing situation...

I just don't understand why he'd say that, even. So, now I want to write him...but I don't know what to say.

Apart of me is at loss for words. I'm a faithful to him and almost always make an effort. I know he's deployed, but my thoughts are, why did he call if he was going to

Be negative? Btw, please do not say, "He's stressed fighting for our freedom" because I already know that...but he's not a grunt. He does security work...So, it's not like he can't be more sweet and caring when he gets on the phone with me.

I just feel so lost as to what to do or think. Has anyone experienced this or have insight?

I just wanted to add that he got online a couple of days afterward, yet never wrote me a short email or even said, "sorry for the disconnection; I love you"

Nothing!

Even after I wrote him a long winded-emotional letter on our Anniversary, which he received early thanks to Moto-mail.

Isn't this ridiculous? I just feel like all I do is give...and receive no appreciation for it.

No, "Thank you for being so great and understanding."

It's so frustrating.

Answer 1

My husband use to say that, I use to say it too because it was true, "we've been together for 4 years but have only seen each other for 2". He wasn't trying to be rude towards you just at the army (or whatever he may be in) because he doesn't want to be there, he just pointed out how ridiculous it all is for him to have to be gone all the time from you. But that's what my husband meant when he said it. And yea you hate hearing it all the time but he is stressed and sad and mad just as you are. Don't get too emotional on everything he tells you, it will help you cope with the fact of him being gone, I know I use to take a lot of what my husband sad to heart too but after a while after about 5 months I realized that you know, he's running on about 4 hours of sleep tops and he's doing missions and patrols in 120+ heat, I would be angry at the world too, and even though I wouldn't want to, i probably would take it out on him also, i wouldn't want to but that seems to be the case most of the time. You shouldn't not write him though, what if something happened, and the last thing you wrote to him was that you were mad at him? I wrote angry letters too, but it was followed by an apology letter letting him know how much i really love and miss him. But don't let this thing get you down because you will be in shambles when the big fights come around like MONEY, OMG this was one of our biggest downfalls, he just didnt understand where it all went, ummm BILLS, he isn't here to see them so they don't have to get paid right? Yea, it's a very emotional time and one of the worst things for us ladies to have to sit through, just be strong, stronger than you ever imagined or wanted to be. Good luck, don't be aftraid to message me or any of the wives on here, if they are like me they are willing to help another military wife in need, we've been in your shoes, we don't want you to have to deal with it alone. Good luck, please be safe.

Answer 2

Ahhh.. to be young and in the military again.

Men are stupid and slow to come to understanding women's feelings. Don't take it too hard. He is living in a world of testosterone right now. You have to be pretty tough, emotionally, to be involved with someone in the military.

Do you know how much men hate the idea of anniversaries? The term indicates 1 year. So many women do things like "6 month anniversary" and it drives us nuts. You should be encouraged that he remembered the date, because that really means he loves you.

One small conversation, or a letter explaining how you felt about that comment will go a long way to resolving the issue.

It's more difficult to work out issues when you are not face to face. If he was home, you would not even be writing this question because it would be a non-issue.

Give him the benefit of the doubt, and explain how you feel. More than likely, he doesn't have a clue. Explaining it to him will make it easier on both of you.

EDIT: Based on your additional remarks..

Only you will know if this is the right one.

Answer 3

Well actually you need to step back and breathe a minute! My husband and I have teased each other a lot that even though we've been married 18 years we've REALLY only been married 9.5 because he's been gone the rest of the time. This doesn't make our marriage weaker or mean that he loves me less it's just a fact that he's been gone that much - there are seasons to relationships/milestones that aren't always reached as easily when you're apart. He is probably just refering to that, or to the fact he wishes you'd been together more - men aren't always great with expressing things the way we women would want! Let's face it very few of them are Keats or Byron!!

Personally I think you are reading WAY to much into this but I would give it a week or more and then sit down and write a note telling him it hurt your feelings and see what he meant by it but that you miss him terribly and love him and want him there with you and you're sorry if you took it the wrong way. There's way more than this to complain about in a military relationship- you gotta pick your battles and just let other things go!

As far as disconnections it's just part and parcel of phone calls overseas so he probably saw no reason to apologize as it wasn't his fault anymore than it was yours.

Answer 4

Is he right? Did you only spend 6 months together physically? If so, what's to be mad at? Being deployed is just as hard on the person being deployed as it is on the family of that troop. Sounds like you're reading too much into it. Just write to him. Mail means everything when you're away from your family. Don't punish him because you don't understand what he meant by something (which was probably a simple observation and him realizing that this deployment is keeping him from the people he loves). To me, it sounds like he really has his hands full with you. And no, he doesn't need the added stress of you cutting off his mail. Also, don't underestimate what he's doing with security. I have friends that were shot at inside the green zone when they got off the truck at the base they were going to. You really sound selfish in my opinion.

Answer 5

I think you are WAY overreacting here. six months is NOT a long time to be together physically or otherwise. Why be offended at the truth?

and sorry, but security people.. are stressed out just as much as anyone else over there. they are the ones who are the first line of defense especially if they are guarding the FOB.

Another things, Males are wired differently. they do NOT articulate their feelings well. they don't need to be reminded every three minutes how much you love or appreciate what they do, so by default,they do NOT understand that some women DO need that.

Answer 6

You said a truth, "Yes, it seems like yesterday....". He said a truth also "We've only spent a total ....". Your truth sounds like you still see him in your arms and smiling at you. His truth sounds like he still sees you in his arms and smiling up at him. There is no problem here. You miss him and he misses you. The words spoken are not the same, but the meanings still are. Write him a love letter, tell him you can't wait for him to get back to you. Do not mention the phone call except to say how great it was to hear his voice. He may not be a grunt, but he is in a war. He is threatened everyday by someone or something. He hears the weapons going off. He sees the tracers passing by. He probably has lost friends to death or horrible wounding.

You are over-reacting to a statement made by a man who loves you. Do not forget the line was disconnected. Who knows what he was going to say next. He loves you and you love him that is all that is important.

Answer 7

While I can't say what Target's stance on the military is for certain, I can almost guarantee you that this is a made up story. No major company, especially one as large as Target, would dare to do something like that. The fallout and negative publicity would bring that company to its knees if that was their attitude. Also judging by the fact that you are on a new alias that was just made today, I can say with pretty much 100% certainty that you are just making this up and trolling. My question for you is, why? Is your life so miserable and sad that you have to come on Yahoo Answers to try to stir up trouble?

Answer 8

As a military wife, I can totally identify (even though my husband hasn't been down range. Yet. Medical reasons.). In 2005, we spent about half the year together. For the rest of the time, he was out in the field.

He didn't mean it in a negative way. Men just have trouble expressing themselves. And remember, he didn't get a chance to explain himself. Of course, he might have blundered even more if he had, lol.

I can't tell you how many times in the beginning of my husband's and my relationship he made blunders like that. If you love him, roll with it. He meant no offense. And believe me, just BEING in Iraq is stressful, no matter what the soldier's job is.

Answer 9

How long did you know each other prior to getting together? He may be thinking of it that way. Men are not very good at putting things into words.

I wouldn't stress over it. Write him and tell him it was good to hear his voice and can't wait till you talk to him again.

As far as being security, it is just as stressful as any other job in Iraq. You have your buddies going on missions, never knowing if they will be back, you are constantly watching for trouble, you still see things that the people back here will never see.

Answer 10

Insight probably on it thou. Because of the distance you both are having, you two find the situation not on your footing or liking. That is what sometimes life is. Life as they say is unfair, cruel and unkind. Yup, truely said.

When he said that word that you both spent 6 months together physically is coming deeply from the heart, meaning he missed those times and want to return to that bliss once again but couldn't because of his work and duty to the constitution. Donot mislead your mind that he doesnot love you or anything sort of. I guess you are both young at this point in time, by the wordings you written here. I studied little psychology. Now it is your obligation to rectify that emotion you got previously and wrote him back with utmost feeling of your desire and love for him. Don't be loss with words because this is the only weapon you have at the moment to fire up for him to give him hope and courage to come back home for you and for your children if you have one right now. Donot give up the fight.