Is this hypocritical?

Question

My grandmother is dying so i have been in contact with my dad recently. When i express to him how sad i am about my Meme dying, he just says something about how it is god's will and that she will end up in heaven so i shouldn't be worried about her. I don't want to cause a rift in our relationship so i just say, "yeah, you are right. god takes care of everything." I feel bad everytime i do this because i am an athiest and i secretly believe my dad is weak for believing in god. But i don't want to insult him either or make him not like me so i just go along with his religious propaganda. Is this hypocritical? Should i mention to my dad that i don't believe in god at such an awful time when my Meme is dying or should i just let it go and let him believe in his fantasies?

Answer 1

It would serve no constructive purpose to pick this moment in time to play this card. My mother is deeply religious. I told her several years ago that I am not. I did it at a time when nothing as traumatic as this was occurring in her life and only because she was hounding me for not going to church. Since I don't believe in the Ten Commandments literally, I have no problem lying if I believe it is in the best interest of anyone involved. I might even tell my grandmother I have become religious just to make her feel more at ease. If she loves you, she would be worried that she would never see you again, and when that might be a great source of comfort for her, why deprive her of it? Religious people in many cases; perhaps even the vast majority should be forgiven for they know not what they do in my opinion. Life is hard for us all and if someone you love needs a crutch like religion, and then let them have it, at least during their last days of life. What's the harm in that? It's the young, arrogant, and gullible that I sometimes direct my venom at. But, a little old lady dying and her son watching her die is not on my list of potential adversaries. I think that would make me a bully, and a bully is one of the most cowardly persons on the face of this planet. I don't know when the most appropriate time to address this issue with loved ones is, but I would not start on a person who has been religious all of their life when their life is about to end.

Answer 2

Tricky question, especially now. I would tell your father but not now. Remember even if you don't believe in God this time is not about you , your father, or your relationship between the two of you. It is about your Grandmother. Be their for her, give her what she needs. Then after all is done have a heart to heart with your father about your beliefs. The last thing that your Grandmother needs is to know about a rift between you and your dad. She needs to concentrate on her family and what she needs to do at the end of her life.
Many times questions like these in our lives seem to come to a head at inopportune moments is because we didn't deal with them sooner. However, even if you feel like a hypocrite, maybe you should just deal with that for now, and make sure you address it later. When you do i hope all goes well. Good luck with your father.

Answer 3

If it's your father's mother, he's probably pretty upset about this as well. Trying to "let go, let god" is possibly his way of coping with the utter lack of control over the situation that he most likely feels right now. Be supportive of him, if that's what you feel is the right thing to do...losing one's mother is tough. You don't necessarily have to agree with how he's dealing with it, but this isn't an appropriate time to try and hash out why he's using the god concept to bring himself comfort and relief from his worries. Let him do what works for him, and you do what works for you, but apart from that try your best to keep your nose out of your father's personal beliefs at this time. Seriously, it'd be bad timing, and it won't help your 'case'.

Answer 4

I can't tell you what's wrong or right, but I personally think you're doing the right thing. I would probably say something similar in your situation (except omitting the god part). Like "Yeah, I'm sure everything will be taken care of."
I would mention your atheism to your dad (if his godtalk bothers you) at a later time. That way, if he does bring it up again, you'll have every right to say something.

Answer 5

I would just go along with what your father says....maybe just toss in a how can you be so sure?What if there isn't a heaven?, he would take no offense to this as many people do question these things at time like this.And it would open the portals for him to tell you why he believes this.But remember religious people often need religion to get them through times like this so maybe it would be best not to go into an all out debate with him about it.

Answer 6

Tolerance is the key here. You are entitled to your opinion and so is he. Let him speak about his beliefs, because to him it's means of coping with pain. Don't rob him of that, even if you don't share those views. After this whole sorrowful event passes, you will be able to voice your views, but at a time like this, arguments are really not the best thing to wish for. So just be tolerant and keep your opinion until the weather is sunnier. I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother... =[

Answer 7

Sorry to be harsh, but deceiving your father is not a sign of strength.

Insulting your father behind his back is not a sign of strength.

You think your dad is weak because he believes in God; but at least he can state his beliefs openly.

I wonder who the weak one is.

Answer 8

Don't you dare say a word to a man who is about to lose his mother!!!! Why on earth would you want to tear down his last hope? You go ahead and call him weak, but it takes a real man with backbone to drop to his knees and pray. Keep your beliefs to yourself and let him have his. When he is laying there dying and you are by his side, who are you going to call on for strength? Oh, I forgot you are an atheist so I guess that means you go it alone.

Answer 9

Don't tell your Dad at the moment, it's not fair on him. But tell him some time in the future, you maybe able to have some great debates. I do with my daughter, I'm a Gnostic and she's an atheist.

Answer 10

I think it is not the best of times for you to tell your dad about your unbelief. Wait and do it when the period is not so critical if you feel strongly about it. Otherwise, just let him be with his belief.