Help I think my 5 year old has serious problems...?

Question

For the last two months my daughter has been really angry. She doesn't always act out, but it is becoming more frequent. It started when her father and his new wife had another new baby. That makes five kids for him including the three we have together. He hasn't been spending much time with her or her little sister lately. He does spend time with the son we have together. I am really worried about her and I just don't know what to do. She is starting to get rather violent with everyone. I have tried talking to her dad, but he tells me I am just not punishing her well enough. I need some advice please.

Answer 1

wtf?? You do not punish a child....you discipline them. There is a difference!!!

I am sorry, but it sounds like your children's father should have had his nuts chopped off a long time ago.

But yes, I would gather that the behavior is stemming from family situations.

My son was going through kinda the same situation, although he is an only child. He was acting out, always angry, and NEVER wanting to go spend time with his father. This mostly started as soon as a new woman came into the picture.

I ended up having to take him to counseling (which he is still attending) and altering my form of discipline and schedule to better help him to cope.

This might be a good idea for your three children, kinda as a group counseling. SOmetimes an unbiased third ear can discover hidden issues.

Also, you can alter your discipline methods too. I found this to work like a miracle...and it works on children of all ages (my son is almost 4). The one I am using is called 1 2 3 Magic...and it really is magic....maybe you can look into it. Might not help unless you can get your ex to use it too.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck. I may be young (22), but I am not completely clueless. If you have any questions, feel free to IM or e-mail me:)

Answer 2

First off, yeah, it's drugs. Marijuana definitely smells like "skunk". And more kids are doing it now than you think. It's at just about every high school party, and it's honestly not hard to get a hold of, which is sad. And you said he came home stuttering and smelling funny from a friend's house--he was either drunk or high. Marijuana can cause heart attacks, depression, schizophrenia, and like any other drug, death. Withdrawal symptoms include irritability, sleepiness, and aggressive behavior. Marijuana is also the most common drug among teens. It's a green, brown, or gray mixture of dried, shredded leaves. Sex isn't uncommon with teenagers. Most think that as long as they use some form of protection it's okay, which is why the number of teens that are sexually active is going up. Bad examples are everywhere--TV, the internet, the radio, etcetera. Even the kids at school. Those are all possible places where he may have gotten it. It's up to you what to do with your son though. Good luck, hope this helped =]

Answer 3

I think you need to see a therapist. Since she is so young you may want to try a play therapist to let her explore her feelings with actions rather than talking (5 yr olds may not have an expansive vocabulary and may not be able to really say waht they are feeling). I worked in a pediatric psych hospital for a while and would often admit 4 and 5 year olds for anger issues. You're in time to either see what is causing the problem or even learn some new parenting skills on how to discipline her or even relate to her issues. You would be surprised what these little kids can hold in and make them worry! However if she is unable to express her feelings they may fester and turn into anger. I'm glad you are being proactive with this. I don't wish to be in your shoes, best of luck and big hugs for your family, hopefully this will work its way out.

Answer 4

You need to give her positive attention when she's not acting up, and no attention when she is. It's sad that her dad shows clear favoritism for one child over another. You can take some positive parenting classes, and counseling will help, too. This guy doesn't sound like father of the year, so I'm not sure how helpful his advice will be. She needs attention right now, but be sure you only give it to her when she's being good, otherwise, she'll act up to get any attention at all. Spend time with all your kids: it's going to be hard for all of them, even your son. I'm sorry you're going through this; it's got to be hard on you, too.

Answer 5

Whatever you do, do not punish her, unless you want to make her angrier.
It's "normal" reaction to a new baby. She feels abandoned. Just show her a lot of love, but NOT at the moment when she is acting up (she might take your love as a "reward" for being angry.)
Try to explain the situation to her, tell her that she is a big sister and make her feel proud of being a big sister.
If you feel the problem is getting worse, consult a professional, maybe her kindregarten teacher or a psychologist.

Answer 6

I myself was a child who grew up going back and forth between two parents, gaining a total of six half-brothers and sisters and two severely mentally handicapped foster children along the way.

I absolutely loved my childhood, and I think that this is interesting, because my situation could also have led to another extreme. What did my parents do "right"?

1. They always made me feel very loved and very special--I was confident that I was both of my parents favorites and that I had a unique set of talents and skills that made me a charming, interesting person separate from my siblings. Physical affection was always very strong, and my parents were always very careful to make me know that no matter what I ever did, somewhere in the world, there was someone who loved me, was thinking about me, and would help me.

2. They also invested a lot of time in me--reading books out loud to me, getting me educational games (but also allowing me to see television and play video games as much as I wanted so long as I kept up my grades), and encouraging my talents. To that end, I credit them with my ultimately going to Harvard.

3. They emphasizied positive reinforcement (praising me for what I did "right" in an unconventional family situation) rather than punishing me for any negative psychological factors I had along the way (in my case, resistence to the sudden intimate intrusion of foster children into the household).

I hope this helps--you sound like a loving mother who is doing her best, and if your child feels that, she will intuitively become more confident as a unique, special individual that she surely is.

Good luck, my friend.

Answer 7

Your daughter is acting out trying to get the attention from her father. Her behavior is typical of a child that comes from a broken home. I understand your fustrations here, but the only thing that you can do is to seek a counsellor for your daughter. Please don't let her behavior get the best of you. Her father should be ashamed of his behavior also. He is actually the biggest problem in this situation, and he is being very selfish.
I would actually tell him that he can't see the son any more unless he is willing to be a father to all of the children.
The harm that he is creating is going to do more emotional damage in your daughters life, and you will have your hands full as she gets older. Save your daughter while you have a chance, and get her some professional help, please.

Answer 8

wow. As a mom that has to be real tough. i was real angry as a child when my mom and dad split. She is mad because daddy has a new little baby in his life and that he sees and spends more time with the baby. my mom had to take me to counseling and that really helped me out. Her dad is wrong i think. she is not behaving like that because she is a bad child but that she thinks that she would rather get bad att than none at all ( i mean from dad, not you). I work in child care and we have kids who get mad and need to vent. when they get mad we allow them to tear and rip up paper. that really helps, we also have a scream pillow. they can scream into it I bet you anything she is a wonderful child who is just frustrated and does not know how to react to it. I am also sure you are a wonderful mother and want the best for her. Like i said, counseling might be best for her. Good luck

Answer 9

Your daughter needs to see a childrens psychologist or councler and they can help you help her work through this. It is a common problem. My 5 year old is also going through a similar thing because his father decided to move out of state and only see him once a year. With help she can get past it but right now she is angry with herself thinking she is to blame, angry with her father, angry about the baby, probably depressed and feeling unloved and unwanted.....so many emotions for such a young child to have to go through so a professional can really help her and they can do a family session where the dad and stepmom should go too so they can help her.

Answer 10

It's hard on everyone when a new baby comes into the picture. As parents you have to both assure your daughter that she is loved and that you have enough love for all your children and your husband needs to spend some one on one time with her.