I have twins who are 7yrs old and I am being forced by my parents to send them to CCD.?

Question

This is a catholic religious course in order for them to be confirmed into the catholic church. Although I was brought up Catholic and my husband had no religious upbringing, I do not believe I have to send my children to catholic classes in order for them to be a good person and believe in God. My parents are very upset at my decision. I am 31yrs old and have a right to raise my children the way I want to. I want them to be good people and respect others. I am not going to force any religion upon them. I will teach them what I've been taught and they can make their own choices from there. I just feel as though my parents will disown me if I don't send them to these classes. And my husband does not agree with these classes at all. What do I do?

Answer 1

Please, read. You will not get a PC answer from me, or a sugar coated one.

What to do?
Give them the chance to decide on their own what they want. You did. How would they know if it is right for them, if you don't let them know what it is all about. Or, are you deciding for them already!
It looks like you came out just fine with the Catholic education you disagree with now. You decided. You made your choice in the end.
Why not give them the education, and let them decide as you did. To chose the religion they think is best for them.
It is not like it is going to be the end of the world.

My parents had the wisdom to teach me all that I want to learn. I have studied several faiths among them Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam, and then later on I decided.

To put it another way. How are they going to make a wise decision what is best for them if they don't know what it is all about! Give them the knowledge so they can understand others, and they will understand others as well.
Teach how to make a choice, don't make the choice for them.

Answer 2

If you are a married adult, living on your own without support from your parents, then I don't see how they are forcing you to do anything. They are your children and you should raise them according to your beliefs.

That being said, I can tell you from my own experience, that the sooner you begin their religious education, whether in CCD or your own curriculum, the better. My older son did not start CCD until 6 and now I have a difficult time explaining to him that the world was created - he takes the science books he reads at school as the whole story on the subject (although faith doesn't exclue science, science usually does exclude faith). My younger one started at 2 and he prays spontaneously and seeks spiritual solutions (ie.: "Let's pray for my boo-boo...") for almost every problem.

I will also tell you that many people of our generation were poorly catechized - the trend in religious education at the time was centered around "being a good person" - which is probably why you hold this as a priority rather than specific "Catholic education." I have recently discovered a huge problem with this (I didn't know anything about our faith) and have spent the last year reading about our faith so that I can more fully understand and receive the graces that God pours out on us. There is a depth and fullness of beauty and truth in our ancient traditions, and their are specific differences between the teachings of our Church and other Christian denominations. I believe your children would benefit tremendously from a solid foundation of Catholic teaching. Perhaps you and your husband would consider the RCIA course and see if this is the direction you would like to take your whole family.

Answer 3

You are not being "forced" into anything, you agree to be forced, there's a difference.

You're 31 years old, it's time you decide who runs your life: you or someone else?

It's time to cut the cord. What if your parent dissown you? Do you value material goods above the welfare of your children?

You're the mother, you know best, not your mom and dad.

Let me tell you, if it wasn't about religion, it would be something else. Your parents still see you as an extension of themselves, when you don't take the decisions the same way they do, there's a little red flag going up in their heads and they wonder what's going on.

It's just an intergenerational conflict, it's normal for a child to raise their own children differently from the older parents. That's normal, that's okay!

You want to raise those children in a way that will allow them to build their own system of value. To your parents who are used to a system were children grow in clarily defined rules, this is like you saying: "I want my kids to perfom; but no safety net". They'll feel like you're endangering your kids: that's not true, but they can't know that, that's not how things were done in their time.

Be clear: that was then; this is now!

If your parents love you, if your parents respect you, then they need to trust you on this!

But you're going to need to stand your ground for a while. If you do that, they'll get over it. If not, you'll send the signal that you're not a confident person, that you don't know what you're doing... and that's just opening the door for something else.

Just hang in there and ask your husband to stand with you.

Answer 4

I understand that you don't want to hurt your parents, but you and your husband have made a decision..
All 4 of you sit down together, your mother and father, you and your husband. Tell them that you appreciate their suggestions and input, and you are going to teach them what you have been taught, but you and your husband have decided to let them choose their own way. And you believe if they are taught right and brought up to know right from wrong, that they will make a good decision. Tell them that you respect them , but you would also like for them to respect your you and your husbands wishes on this matter.

Answer 5

If you and your husband don't agree with sending your kids to CCD then don't. I am catholic and my daughter has had her Communion, but that was our choice, not our parents. You need to realize that your parents will not disown you in fear of losing their grandchildren and if they are that heartless then good riddens. Do you really want to have your kids subjected to such unchristanity. If they are so religious then they will not hold a grudge to you for this, disappointed I'm sure they will be but this is YOUR family and your parents now are secondary. When you entered into your union with your husband you made a vow to him...................not mummy and daddy.

Answer 6

Your parents can't force you to do anything. Tell them to stuff it, they're your kids. If they disown you, you're better off. I wouldn't want my kids growing up with grandparents who try to pull this crap. Mark my words, they will ruin your marriage. It's most important what you and your husband think than your parents. You probably feel that because they're your parents you should be close to them but just remember this: It is okay to have a finite relationship with someone you would ordinarily have an infinite relationship with. I just hope you don't chicken out and do nothing. If I were your kid I would then have absolutely no respect for you...

Answer 7

So who's raising your kids - you and your husband, or your parents? The two of you are both adults, your parents can't force you to do anything you find distasteful or repugnant in any way. Be sure your parents know that while you appreciate their concerns, your family is your own and you have the final say in the raising of your children. If your parents get in a snit, that is their problem and not yours....p&l

Answer 8

Your parents are your parents to your kids they are grandma and grandpa the set of people that spoil them with gifts of sorts, play with them and give them extra attention on the side. You and your husband are going to be in their lives a lot until they leave your home for college or what other possibilities that peeks their curiosities and interests. Which includes religion, they (your kids) may not even want to be catholic who knows what they want. Either way both parents and grandparents a like will still have to love them regardless. It will be the job of their parents to nurture, bring out their talents and embrace and encourage them to go after what they will want in their life once they reach upon such age. You just have to be honest with your parents on what YOU and your husband as the parents of your kids want. Be sure to thank them for looking out for their grandchildren but you know what you want for them until they make up their own decisions.

Answer 9

When i read the question I assumed you were 18 years old or something.

You're 31 freaking years old!! Grow up already. These are your kids and not your parents. Parent them the way YOU and your husband think is best.

Way past time that you cut the apron strings. If you let the fear of being "disowned" rule your life then you will be your parents slave your entire life. It would be unfortunate for them to "disown" you but that would be THEIR issue, not yours. Also, it is HIGHLY unlikely that they would do that because it would mean not having their daughter or their grandkids in their life.

Can you ever imagine disowning your kids? I can't.

Answer 10

Grow Up. Until you disappoint your parents mightily, you are not your own person. Your parents cannot force you to do ANYTHING. They can only make you feel guilty if you allow their efforts to trigger your own shame at thinking your own thoughts. If the best thing their religion has to offer is intimidation, that's a pretty sad religion.

Your kids will have a chance to decide what they want to believe every day of their lives, but until they're an adult, you decide what they are exposed to.

Answer 11

You may want to consider doing what I did when it was time to bring my daughter to sacrament prep classes. I went ahead and put her into classes but then went to take a class myself. I figured it was time for me to know exactly what the church taught and to decide for myself it I wanted it taught to my daughter. If upon honest investigation, you decide you really don't want your twins taught what the Catholic Church teaches, then you're going to need to talk to your parents and explain to them what teachings you disagree with and why you and your husband will not be raising your children Catholic.

But, if you realize that there is something to the faith your parents gave you, your kids are on track to move through the sacraments with their peers. There have been kids in the local program who were not able to progress with kids their own age, and that makes it tough.

If you have a faith in God, and Christ as savior, I suggest you take this question to prayer and see what happens. You should know what's right if you take it to prayer. What do you have to lose by taking a moment to pray on it?