My Husband Cant Get a Job?

Question

My husband lost his job 1 1/2 year ago. I have 3 kids plus him to support. I do not make alot of money, but enough to get by each month of each year..I been married 5 years and I am so tired of all the weight on my shoulders..I get nothing from the State and I get no help whatsoever. He also has a bad smoking problem and hes always taking my ATM card. Im stressed at home, at work and everytime I see him I just cant help how hopeless my life has become..I want out but I love him with all my heart...I just dont know what to do anymore...Im even thinking of taking a 2 job just to make ends meet. What should I do? Im getting physically sick of all the stress I am carrying..

Answer 1

Oh I'm sure he could get a job. It might not be his perfect one or one that's important or one that pays what he'd like to make but he could get one if he wanted to. There's work anywhere for anyone who wants to work. I have never been without a job. Even if it paid very little, if I needed to work for whatever I could get, I did.

Answer 2

I've so been where you are! The biggest reason that I stayed for as long as I did was because I was afraid of the impact it would have on my children (3 girls). If your husband really loved you and understood the impact all of this is having on you, he would get a job. I have an uncle from Ireland who found a job the first day he was here in the US and he wasn't qualified for anything. He just literally opened up the yellow pages and called places until he found a job. You found one, didn't you? I'm sure it wasn't easy. I will say this: the best advice I ever got during my entire ordeal was to stay until I was absolutely sure I would never come back. Until I no longer had any unresolved feelings. I probably stayed for about a year after I no longer loved him and no matter what, I always did the right thing. I never lashed out, I never used the children against him, I never even raised my voice to him, I just waited until it was time to leave. That time came, I left, and I have never been happier in my life. Sometimes I regret the amount of time that I stayed but I am so much better now. I moved my 3 children into a one bedroom apartment and we aren't exactly financially secure now but the peace of mind is priceless. Good luck to you and if I can offer any help or advice, please feel free to email me, I probably have a lot of past experience that might be able to help!

Answer 3

Why isn't your husband working? What kind of problem does he have?
You need to take and hide your ATM card. If he wants to smoke that bad he can get the money by working. Maybe he can do something part time.
Have you tried talking to your husband and letting him know how you feel and that you are stressed out?
Maybe go to the public health department and get him an appointment to see a doctor to get some help for his problem.

Answer 4

YOU need to look out first and foremost for your and your children's health and well-being. YOUR HUSBAND needs to cowboy-up to his responsibilities as a father and spouse, plain and simple. Are you willing to stand by and see his actions, or inaction, harm your kids?

Having said that, let me add a couple of other things to consider. In a good economy, it often takes 6-9 months for a qualified candidate to land their next job. In a lousy economy (like Michigan, where I live), that can easily be a 12-18 month process, and it's soul-crushing...figure 1 interview for every 20-30 job applications, and 1 job offer for every 5-10 interviews. Depression, anxiety and loss of self-esteem are natural side effects, and they only make it harder to perform well in an interview. And this is assuming that your husband has a good work history, a decent skill set, and the ability to present well in job interviews. If he's a bit lacking in one or more of those departments, it's only that much tougher to get a job -- BUT IT CAN BE DONE!

Suggestions for HIM:

(1) Get checked out for possible depression or anxiety disorders or other health problems. Some medication and brief (6-12 session) counseling can really help with attitude/self-esteem issues.

(2) Connect with his local employment agency, or possibly even his local vocational rehabilitation agency. They can help with identifying the best job goals to pursue based on his skills, interests and experience and the local labor market. They can also help with finding training options to make him more marketable.

(3) Get in a "job club" through that agency - these are groups that meet 1-2 times per week to review everyone's progress, plan their next steps and review job seeking and interviewing skills including networking, resume writing, etc. It's a great motivator and information source.

(4) Make small, incremental improvements in terms of diet & exercise. This also has a huge mental benefit. This would be an EXCELLENT time to quit smoking - it's expensive and turns off employers, not to mention the obvious health concerns.

(5) Journal. He can't manage what he can't measure. Have him track, in writing, how many job apps were submitted, how many miles walked, how many companies researched, etc. It helps when you can see progress that way. Be realistic - set obtainable goals that may be very small at first. This also helps in finding problems. Never make it past the first interview? Journaling will spot that trend, and then you can dig into why it's happening. Maybe a bad reference, or something he's not handling well in the interview. You get the idea.

(6) Volunteer -- Habitat for Humanity, American Cancer Society, Democtratic/Republican Party, Boy Scouts, Humane Society, whereever. This is great for networking (and therefore finding job leads), it puts something new/current on the resume, it's a chance to gain new skills and it's great for self-esteem. Plus it's fun.

Answer 5

See stress, self esteem/confidence, anxiety, and depression treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on pages 42 (for you) 38, 6, and 2 (for him): print/refer, or show him. Consider changing the card/account, or bank, or open a new one of youir own, and have your salary paid in there: don't tell him the PIN no., and buy him a pack/day, until he gets a job (provides motivation). Contact Catholic counselling, or the Methodists, (you don't need to be in their religion) or others, so the 2 of you can go in and both have their say.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear that but i believe that there is hope. I have been reading this book that's help me and my husband so much. Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. Some people might tell you to just live him but because you love him there is hope. pls, pls read this book and he will run to get a job with out you having to say it. There is not many Strong woman like you out there. Woman now a days just give up on their hubby's and children. God is watching over you and things are going to be okay you'll see. Good luck!!

Answer 7

Your husband CAN get a job, IF he wants to, UNLESS he has a disability of some type.

Leaving him may be his best motivation to go find a job.

Divorce is bad for kids, but so are fathers who set bad examples.

Cut up the ATM card.

Answer 8

If you love him with all your heart then its time for some tough love. He needs an intervention. Go to your local AA and ask for help. Even if your husband is not an alcoholic the AA people will be able to help you set up an intervention. The tough part is tough love is your part. Once you've had the intervention you have to stick to your guns or nothing will get better.

Answer 9

I would give him an ultimatum, set a date for when he has to have a job even if it is slinging burgers until something better comes along for him, and if he isn't trying to find something by then tell him to get out. Sounds like you are already making it on your own and one less mouth would lighten the load. good luck

Answer 10

You need to cut off all the sources that make him comfortable with the situation as it is now. In other words, you need to stop making things comfortable for him. He is not going to change as long as things work for him.