How to endure the loss of a dear person?

Question

I really haven't had such a loss in my life, and I thank God for that, for letting me have with me my husband, parents, and my very best friends. I know I don't have them for granted, and if God decides to call anyone of them.. I'll accept it. Although it's easier to say it than actually do it.. If you had endured such a situation could you tell me how to face it? I just.. don't know, am afraid, even though I shouldn't..

Thank you all for your answers

Robert K, you are so right, we never say good bye, but until we see them again we suffer, but you're right.. amen to that.

I don't know what answer to pick, they are all so beautiful!! Thank you all!

Answer 1

Sister, it is normal to have some fear about people we love dying. One thing that I have learned is that fear lessens as we grow older. We begin to face our own mortality and death becomes more natural.

As to how we deal with it. As a pastor, I would say that first you talk. Christian fellowship is critical when we have lost someone we love. Paul said it best: Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 (NIV)

I remember a family who lost their son in a car wreck. Their Christian friends were with them for several days helping with tasks and supporting them.

You asked for personal experience. When I was 19 and home from my first year in college, my mother died unexpectedly. I was not close to my father who was an alcoholic. My mother shared my interest in reading and education. At the time her loss was devastating to me.

From that experience and years of pastoral ministry I have learned this:

1. You will experience depression. Your feelings may cause things you do not believe. As an example, people get mad at God, they feel abandoned by God and sometimes they feel like God has punished them. This is normal.

The important thing is not to withdraw. Too many people stop talking and stay inside grieving. The church must reach out to you at this time, but you must also reach out to others.

2. Prepare to grieve for a long time. The average length of grieving is 1-2 years. I'm not talking about missing them. That to an extent gets better with time, but it is always there.

Don't let well meaning friends tell you it is time to get over this. Let yourself grieve for as long as it takes.

3. I was not a Christian when my mom died. My parents had talked of God but we were not a religious family. I to this day remember the darkness of that moment as I stood alone feeling like I could no longer live. I called out to God and asked that if he were real I needed him.

I learned the truth of Paul's words that day - draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Don't be afraid to call on God. Whatever you are feeling, God loves you. If you call to him, he will strengthen you and help you through a great loss.

Finally, I remind you of Paul's words: For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:6-7 (NIV)

God doesn't want us to live in fear. Talk to someone about these feelings and then give them to God. Let him carry your fear and fill you with his love.

God's blessings, my sister,

Pastor John

Answer 2

I even have commonly study such issues occurring and that i'm fairly no exception to those issues considering the fact that that day in intense college i desperate to make my stand for Jehovah... What the destiny holds i can in basic terms wager at so some distance as how undesirable they'd get ..., yet for fairly much 40 yrs I even have in no way been on my own via any trial , nor will any persons ever be ........

Answer 3

You take one day at a time.

For me, it started with denial, which meant that for a few months I'd think I had dreamed and I would wake up soon.

Then you slowly realise that the person is truly, honestly gone.

I don't know, I find it easier the more you go through it (the first death is harder than, say, the fifth). It's always the same, and it DOES make you stronger.

Personally, I don't find it particularly hard: it is cruel and painful, but also clear. The person is dead and won't come back. I have to finalise that, to force myself to admit that, and then I can "heal".

There are always days when it's harder and days when it's easier, but you manage each of them as they come. If you keep the memories and treasure the times you had, then you won't let them leave you - which is, I think, what the sentence "The dead don't leave us" means. It's not that they don't leave you, it's that you won't leave their memories alone, so you'll keep them with you. A beautiful thought!

Answer 4

My Dear, God's Grace is Sufficient, And you will have to Lean on Him.> He will give you STRENGTH You never knew you Had.....and you will be Walking in His Spirit.....

In a Matter Of a Few Years, Back to Back.....I Said Good-by to : My Husband,> My Mother,> My 42 yr.old Son, and 52 yr.old Baby Brother & Older Sister! All Of Whom I Loved so Dearly ! Each time, God was with me giving me Grace and Strength, and brought me thru >in such a way That I will NEVER Forget, and Praise Him Each day for his Help In Times Of Trouble! He Still Helps Me, when I begin to Miss them. He will never let Us Down! If Our Loved ones know Jesus, We Have the "Blessed HOPE " and *Know we are going to see them again! "Thank You, Jesus" (smile)

Answer 5

They are all correct, my friend.
Acceptance is the key.

Remember that fear does not come from God.
He says to dwell on lovely things, doesn't He?
Ask the Lord to give you strength to see you through the difficult times in your life. And then let it go.

I remember when my friend thought she'd fall apart when she had to go to a co-worker's grandchild's funeral. I reminded her that she could be strength in her friend's time of need. You see... the Lord works miracles in times of need.

God bless you with wisdom.
Amen.

Answer 6

I lost my mom when I was 20.

My atheism and my pagan beliefs helped me through it. I knew that death is the right and natural end of life, and I did not take it as personal punishment. I accepted the cycle of life and went on. I mourned, and I miss her to this day.

.

Answer 7

Try your hardest to win them to Christ while they are here on this Earth with you...Christians never say goodbye

I did not mean to imply that its not hard...its terribly difficult to lose somebody you love...but it can in many ways be a test of one's fath as well. Change is often times uncomfortable even when its neccesary or unavoidable ...remember God is on the THrone and cit makes things more bearable

Answer 8

you just do it, there is no easy way,
you accept it, and you greive over them, and you miss them terribly,
they say that time heals all wound, but this type of wound doesn't heal, it just gets less painful. and you move on.

if you ask how do I know these things,

I have lost both mother, and father.
a father-in-law, a brother in law, my only brother, both of my sisters, and my daughter, to name a few.

Answer 9

Well...I always take comfort in that they no longer have to suffer, because they will no longer exist...or if somehow our consciences DO remain intact, then I'll see them again someday...but I highly doubt that so...I really just take comfort in they no longer suffer in this world...hope this helps!! ^_^

Answer 10

"God decides to call anyone of them.. I'll accept it."


You've really answered your own question. However, I think we all fear death and especially as a christian, it is easier to fear death due to the ramifications of the kind of life lived--good go to heaven and evil go to hell.

Why are you so afraid? :) Death is just death--back to the dirt. I really think the fear stems from christianity.. It is a rather fear-inducing religion. Think about it!!!