Both my parents had troubled upbringings. My dad was abandoned when he was (approximately) 3 weeks old. He was found in a plastic bag in the local church grounds and grew up in an orphanage. My mum was training to be a nun and somehow they ended up falling in love together (he was the gardener at the church).
But anyway, it turns out that my dad is not my biological father. What I didn't know, was that the church my mum worked at was also a home for unmarried mothers and my mum was already pregnant with me when she met my 'dad'.
So now I'm not really the person I thought I was. What's wierd is that I really look like my dad. We have the same blonde hair and blue eyes and he's six foot 4 and , I'm 6 foot.
It feels wierd though. It would seem wierd to think that he's not really my dad.
Do you think it would be wierd if I just pretended that I didn't know about it and I just let it go? It feels like the cowards way out though!
thanks
XXX
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2007-10-06 10:15:51 · 19 answers · asked by Desperate Housewife 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's actually worse than it sounds. Apparently my mum was sexually abused and that's the only reason I'm alive today. I know, that is gross and disgusting... I feel so guilty! :(
2007-10-06 10:35:25 · update #1
To be honest he's been your Dad all of this time, so I would just see him as your Dad. Sometimes things are the way things are, and it's not worth the worry trying to sort it out. Life's too short, just be happy :)
2007-10-06 10:21:01 · answer #1 · answered by Poppy 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Thirteen years ago in a small hospital, two little girls were born on the same day. Somehow , those two babies went home with the wrong parents. This mistake was not discovered until several months ago by the hospital. (It made the national news) How it was discovered I don't know. Both parents were notified and , of course, were very upset... but they wanted to keep that child they loved so dearly.. the one they came home from the hospital with. So the two girls were not told.
Almost anyone can bring a child into the world. That's the easy part., But not every man or woman can be a loving and responsible father. This man is your father. He has loved you, cared for you, and has been responsible for you. He is proud of you. You have your "real" father right in front of you every day. You are a lucky young man or woman.
2007-10-06 18:01:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
like the saying goes "anyone can be a father but it takes someone really special to be a dad" a dad is someone who's been there for you all your life, someone you've shared the good fun times with and the tough times with
it's the love and support you have from your mum and dad that makes you what you are, your still the same person and your dad is still your dad, its not pretending it's how it is,
even if you found your biological father and had a great relationship with him it still would'nt be as special as the one you share with your dad because your dad has been there from day one loving you caring about you and you share a special bond and it's that, that really matters
2007-10-08 20:10:28 · answer #3 · answered by peachmelba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look inside your heart, you already know who your real dad is. He's the one that's been there all along, for you and your mom. Be happy that he's a caring enough man to chose to be your father. That says something too, he chose to be your dad. Most men are fathers without choice. I was adopted at birth, my mom and dad are the ones who took care of me as I was growing up. They made a choice to adopt a child, I wasn't an accident, or unwanted EVER. I never have even wanted to find my biological parents and I'm 36 years old. Just know the most important part is that he loves you and you ARE his real daughter.
2007-10-06 18:01:43 · answer #4 · answered by Roxanne S 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know the feeling i just found out im the unluckiest person too, i just found out about a year ago that my grandad may be my dad, he aint the father to my mum or my dad so its not as weird as it sounds.
My dad is 6"5' and Slim, where as my grandad is 5"8 and short and stubby! Thats where my problem comes in im 5"11' and stubby not fat but built like my grandad i have a photo that was took a couple of years ago of me and my grandad and my ex girlfriend commented at the time " Spot the difference" which there is a true likeness of me and my grandad in the picture (Scary) well it came to life as i was at my lowest point in life (Relationship had broken down, missed my baby girl and life just sucked at the time cos it was xmas and i was lonely) well my grandad kicked off and said he only cares about me as im closer to him than i am my own dad! Well same as you i look exactly like him and act like him, maybe we grow more alike the people we are close to than the people that actually created us, maybe we grow to be like the ones that bring us up?
Who knows but i would just remember who brought you up and not the one that didnt im 25 and spent 25years with my grandparents not one year with either of my parents so my actual parents are my grandparents thats how i look at it maybe you should too and carry on the way you have always been he is your dad as far as you know and remember so leave it like that.
Take care and hope it helps!
2007-10-08 10:59:46 · answer #5 · answered by Confused 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It shouldn't matter whether or not he is your biological father. He's the man that raised you. He's the man that's been there for you. He's your dad.
Your biological father isn't your dad in my opinion. I think that someone should earn the right to be called dad. Hope you're ok. Best wishes x
2007-10-06 17:22:15 · answer #6 · answered by NONAME 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To be a good parent you don't necessarily have to be the natural parent. If you are happy to accept the man that brought you up as your father then that is fine - clearly, he has been a father to you in a way that your natural father was not. That is not taking the coward's way out.
2007-10-06 17:22:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's the coward's way out. No doubt you love the nurturing Dad who raised you, and gave you his name. Not many men would do this for another man's child.
You don't say if you would like to trace your biological father. If you do, take care, and be prepared for disappointment.
Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.
2007-10-06 18:56:30 · answer #8 · answered by steffi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Who told you that your dad is not yuor dad '' B ecause you look so much like your dad I would go for a D N A test Just like you If I have find out that my father was not my real father I would have be very dissapointed and shock
2007-10-06 17:35:37 · answer #9 · answered by lala 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its not the genes that makes a father, its someone who loves and cares for you and brings you up the best way they can, thats what a real father is. I know how you must feel, as a friend of mine found out the some thing. She still looks at the father who brought her up as her real father.
2007-10-06 17:21:59 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa T 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋