I need advice... I just moved in with my grandparents they are 61(Grandmother) and 64(Grandfather)?

Question

My grandfather mentaly abuses my grandmother... this is not something i should be asking for advice on but I cant sit back and watch my grandmother suffer like this, My grandfather has a anger issue and he likes to start fights over anything and everything... My grandmother cleans,cooks, slaves at this house for him and all he does is fight and yell at her, he doesnt hit her but he throws things in her direction not at her but towards her... I cant sit around and watch this if someone could please give me advice on what to do I feel like the law is pointless they will just make things worse...... I live in Florida

Well I knew she was upset sometimes, I didnt know why... It has just started getting bad I spoke with her she said when he was on his Anti Depression pills he wasnt as bad but the doctor seen he stopped getting them filled so he stopped giving them to him, My grandfather will not let her talk to the doctor about it and he doesnt see a problem with this.... They have not spoken in about 4days...

Answer 1

I agree that you need more expert advice with this. Look in your phonebook and see what you can find.

You might also pose this question in the Social Sciences section, possibly Psychology, as people with expertise often hang out there (and leave it up a good long while).

Have you ever talked to your grandmother about this? What she thinks about it is crucial.

You're in a tough situation, as you're living with them, and because this is likely a long-standing pattern (though maybe not, it may be due to your grandfather not coping with retirement, or with developing some sort of mental condition -- you don't say what you knew of them before moving in).

Sorry I can't be more help.

Answer 2

First of all, your grandmother is an adult, and it's not your job to defend her. Let your grandparents know that you are not comfortable with the constant yelling and complaining. If you are an adult and things don't change after you "say your piece", then move out. If you are a kid and have to live there, tell your grandparents that the constant complaining and yelling is causing you stress. Suggest that they discuss their differences in private and not in front of you. Consider making a video of the family--make sure that you start and end with positive shots, and put in a couple of arguments, maybe if they see how it looks to other people, they'll stop. Is this a new problem, or has this been going on for years? Your grandfather could have a medical condition that is causing his rage. You might want to have an adult intervene on your behalf. If none of this helps then get up from your chair, say loudly "and I thought I was the kid in this house and leave the room". Unless he actually hurts her there's not much that you can do if she won't stand up for herself. If he hits her with an object the call the police. When and if it gets physical it's time for the law to step in. If you need to talk to someone, try calling a shelter for domestic violence, it might not help your grandparents, but atleast you would be talking to someone who has been there and may be able to get you into counseling or a group for kids "caught in the middle".

Good Luck and God Bless You!

Answer 3

that sounds like my grandparents but reversed. My grandma does that to my grandfather all the time. And sadly he's always been the breadwinner of the family for them and she treats him like total crap. My grandparents are both 66 and I hate seeing grown adults who have been married for so long act like that.

I have no idea what to do about it either. I'm not sure why he takes it by any means. Even my mom (their daughter) feels awful over it. She's even talked to her mom and said "Why do you treat dad so badly?" and she just says "He does what he wants, if he didn't want to do things for me he wouldn't" yea...so not believable.

There's really nothing you can do unless it become violent and say he does hit or something that he's thrown hits her and hurts her enough to the point where the abuse is visible.

Other than that, maybe it has something to do with the way he was raised and how his father treated his mother. The best thing you could probably be do is to try and get your grandma out of the situation by maybe doing something with your grandpa. He's not that old, and should still be pretty active in something. Try getting him out of the house ot relax and chill and see if maybe that will help his situation at home.

I know sometimes when I go do stuff with my grandma she usually comes home in a better mood because she was out of the house for a while and got to do something she enjoys.

Answer 4

Hi....

I'm sure your grandmother has been living like this for years, and is quite used to the abuse.

Some women just stay with the guy, suck it up and live with it.. it's how people did before your generation and mine -- they put up with and tolerated abuse... it doesn't hurt any less, but it seems older people just look the other way.

Talk to your Grandma when your grandfather isn't around. Tell her you feel upset when he throws things, and you wanted to ask her if she's ok... Maybe she will talk about it, maybe not.

Your grandparents have probably been together for years -- so your grandmother depends upon him for many things.. it's not like she would even consider getting up and leaving (not something the older generation does, either).

Answer 5

Help your grandmother. Take her out to the park. Talk to her. Laugh with her. Take her out to a restaurant. Make your grandmother happy. You don't want her to live her life like this. Because if she dies,( which doesn't mean I want her to) your grandfather will feel sorry. And you want her to enjoy her life. So that you feel that you did something good to her. I've kind of had experience. My grandfather used to boss my grandmother around. She wasn't too happy about that. Then she died because she got sick. And now my grandfather feels very sorry that he did this. Please don't think that I want your grandmother to die, I'm just saying that you should spend time with her a lot. I hope this will help you!

Answer 6

Well you also have to take into consideration that they have been married for a long time..and its probably always been like that. I don't think that you can do anything really, I mean try talking to your grandfather or grandmother and if one is hurting get them to talk about it, and then take action...talking is probably the best way to handle it. I don't think its abusive to the point where you need police intervention...

Answer 7

In California they have an agency called Adult Protective Services. If someone suspects that an elderly person is being abused, they call to make a report. I would imagine Florida has something similar. You can call and talk to a social worker and perhaps they can give you some solid advice about what to do.

Answer 8

Shame on Grandpa! OLD enough to KNOW BETTER
but NOT too OLD to CHANGE...
He probably hates himself and THINKS this is the ONLY
way to feel in control of himself (the boss) WRONG!
He needs help as much as Grandma does. Perhaps
medication would help... (either or both of them)
Suggestion: Accompany Grandma on her next Doctor visit.
If she doesn't want to discuss the situation there's not much you can do,
except show her lots of love & affection.
Of course Prayers for endurance really help...
and Grandpa could use some too. LOVE never fails

Answer 9

They have obviously lived like that for years. Although it's difficult for you to observe it's a difficult situation to change. Talk to your grandmother about it. Say it nicely, like "grandma, I love you so much and it hurts me when grandpa does___ and___ to you. How does that make you feel? First see how it affects her and if she wants you to intervene. Then depending on your grandma's response, maybe you can talk to your grandpa. Now be very careful because you are living in their home so you don't want to create an uncomfortable living situation for all. It's a delicate situation but if done correctly you may be able to help your grandparents. Best to you.

Answer 10

Has he always treated her that way? He might be in the early stages of alsheimer. He should see his doctor for evaluation.
My father in-law stated acting the same way and it wasn't treated because she was too embarrassed to tell anyone.