I have a friend that was molested at 13, and now that she 24, she say she's have flash back in the middle of the night. I stayed over here house one night for support. And, I've see here fighting in the middle of night. It's really not a good sight at all! I was tell her that see should confront that person, if he is still around. (Which he was own family member!!) I don't if that might help of make the situation worse. should I tell her?
Child abuse, its common, and there seems to be not much help until is too late.
2007-10-06 04:30:06 · 15 answers · asked by Need to know... 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hi...
confronting the abuser is not the answer...
was the incident(s) ever reported to the police?
your friend has symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (nightmares, flasbacks).
i was abused, also, and i have been in and out of therapy for many years... depressed and suffered anxiety and had issues with dissociation. therapy DOES WORK when we WORK IT...
please urge your friend to go to see someone and talk about this. the abuse was never her fault! and the person who abused her is very ill...
yes child abuse is common, and there is quite a lot of help -- people are just afraid to step forward and go to the police the moment something happens... and also, many people are in denial... so if a child tells their mom they were molested or abused, many times the mother CLAIMS she doesn't believe it -- just so she doesn't have to deal with the situation.
abuse is emotionally scarring. your friend deserves good help.
2007-10-06 05:07:54 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i have to agree that this is a very sticky issue. I believe that you should let her find her own way of confronting this, especially if it is a family member. Counseling never helped me when this happen but not everyone alike. Your friend feels like she can confide in you right now so please don't take that away from her, you are her piece of mind right now to fall back on. When she is ready to confront this i am sure you will be the first to know, just hold her hand every baby step she takes to the better and always let her know that .
2007-10-06 07:55:49 · answer #2 · answered by scoobydoo49200244890 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sure you've heard people say: confront the problem instead of ignoring it, it wont go away unless you fix it right...but sometimes, i believe in this case--its best to keep away? especially the molester being in her own family, im sure its hard. but if you really think about it, because that person has scarred your friend, it'd be hard to think of that family member as a "better person" even though he might be different than before. you're friend will always have that thought in the back of her head, because its a childhood memory...keeping away from him would be in my opinion a better option. unless there is a perfect reason to confront him today? in short, your friend's confrontation may just bring back the bad memories and worsen the situation, if she's better off right now without having to confront him, than its best to keep it the way it is...
i wish the best for your friend =]
-Semper Fi and God bless <3
2007-10-06 04:41:54 · answer #3 · answered by marie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is really no point in confronting a perpetrator. It still wouldn't resolve the issues you friend is dealing with. The twenties is the age when unresolved issues of child abuse surfaces and they must be dealt with, with the help of a professional who your friend can feel comfortable with to share her feelings. This can take years so she needs to get started right away. If not, the feelings will get worse, they never go away until they are resolved. There will come a point in the process of resolving the trauma where she will learn to forgive the perpetrator, that's when you know healing has occurred. So you can help you friend by finding a psychologist who specializes in childhood trauma and give her all the support she needs.
2007-10-06 04:40:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I knew someone that went through the same thing. The more she saw him the more she wanted justice. She wanted to kill'm but knew it wasn't right. She also realized that in order for her to live a healthy life she had to find a way to get over it. It was a process that took a little time but, eventually she forgave him. She gave him a piece of her mind, let him know how wrong it was. She can bare the sight of him as long as he doesn't do it again to anyone else.
2007-10-06 04:42:12 · answer #5 · answered by Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants to confront the person, (not you) then she should not do it alone. She needs someone there on her side.
Because even though she's an adult now, this person can make her feel small and helpless again. So she should NEVER be alone with the abuser.
2007-10-06 05:18:12 · answer #6 · answered by pansyblue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a really sticky issue, and experiences like these tend to leave deep scars.
But, when dealing with pyschological wounds the most painful remedies are the most potent. Your friend is going to have to go all the way and confront her fears head on.
2007-10-06 04:33:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, until she does so, she won't be able to have closure. What's more, this person may be doing it to someone else, so by reacting she might be able to save another child.
Good luck and well done for being such a good friend.
2007-10-06 04:38:11 · answer #8 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should not do this alone, if she decides to do it. The best thing would be for her to see a physiologist and get some expert advice on how to proceed with this. She could do herself more harm than good if she attempts it without some good direction.
2007-10-06 04:34:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs help from a professional who will guide her along. All you should be doing is be there for her. Good luck and she is lucky to have a friend like you. Obviously you are showing a real concern.
2007-10-06 04:44:31 · answer #10 · answered by foxandthehound 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋