1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
3. No meal is complete without leftovers.
4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
5. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
6. You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinocle.
7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
8. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Nordstroms.
9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
10. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.
11. Next year in Jerusalem . The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
13. Spring ahead, fall back, winters in Boca.
14. WASPs leave and never say good bye; Jews say goodbye and never leave.
15. Always whisper the names of diseases.
16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.
18 . Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida
21. Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
22. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
2007-10-06 02:59:59 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Travel ➔ Africa & Middle East ➔ Israel
# 17 is actually true in NYC on purpose.
#14 I have found to be true.
Tabatha's joke abouve is really true!
2007-10-07 19:10:39 · answer #1 · answered by Amy W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, jokes don't become funny after explained. But anyway, the first one is a joke because they are about to get mugged and they know it, and obviously one jew owes the other a lot of money. So the jew gives 600 quid to the other one so the other one will get mugged instead of him. It doesn't even have to be about jews. It could be 2 guys and the joke would be the same. The second one is supposedly saying how jewish people make promises that they obviously won't keep. (WHICH IS TOTALLY UNTRUE.) But anyway, the jew is saying he would give half the lottery to his friend if he had it, give a exra house to his friend if he had it, (two things he probably won't have) But when it comes to things he actually could give to his friend, he would never give it to him. (the chickens.)
2016-05-17 08:48:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with no 2 and 3. LOL. Number 4? Errr... Tanakh doesn't mention that :)
2007-10-06 07:29:43 · answer #3 · answered by Duke of Tudor 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I liked numbers 12 and 16. Some of them are not really jokes but those two I liked are nice. Thank you and have a good weekend.
2007-10-06 05:02:28 · answer #4 · answered by Mimi 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Funny I liked number 7 the best. Star.
2007-10-06 04:13:28 · answer #5 · answered by hamarker 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Haha.
2007-10-06 23:07:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great stuff.
One of the briefest 'jokes' and one of my favourites is:
The Jewish attitude to religious celebrations can be summed up: 'They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!'
2007-10-06 03:17:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Hey, those are great! Keep'em coming!
2007-10-06 11:19:19 · answer #8 · answered by Nothingusefullearnedinschool 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
lol
2007-10-06 03:04:30 · answer #9 · answered by mephisto 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋