Need help with a defiant 17 year old. He doesn't get into alot of trouble but he gives us alot of grief.?

Question

He's not in trouble with the law or anything like that, that we know of. but he thinks we should buy him whatever he wants, he is disrespectful if he doesn't get his way. i know he is spoiled. he is not like that with any one but us. at wits end

He's not in trouble with the law or anything like that, that we know of. but he thinks we should buy him whatever he wants, he is disrespectful if he doesn't get his way. i know he is spoiled. he is not like that with any one but us. at wits end he wasn't always like this he used to be happy with everything he turned 15 and then things just changed i raised my daughter the same way and she is nothing like him.

Answer 1

I agree with what the other two have said. Hopefully you can straighten this out now before he becomes a husband, father, or employee... Because whatever he is exhibiting at home will show up in those areas of life too. Attitude adjustment now. Remember you are a PARENT not a Friend... He doesn't have to LIKE you
There is a reality show called "THE ACADEMY" about to come on TV ( I think Fox or Fox FX ) you should watch it and encourage him to watch it.... It is all about training adults.

Answer 2

Sounds like a normal 17yr old. And it sounds like he is old enough to get a job. Do what you need to help him get a job and support him by making sure he gets there on time. This is will help him with dicipline and give him a good view of what it takes to pay for those things he wants.

To be fair, you probably started this in his childhood. You most likely did what I did with mine and out of love, bought him toys and things he wanted just to make him happy. Its a mistake you need to own, no one spoiled him but you, the parents. You cannot control his behavior, but you can be extremely honest with him and simply tell him that you made a mistake giving him the impression that he can walk all over you. Decide what the consequences of his behavior are, take away things if he talks back, don't give in to his 17yr old tantrum, and make sure you are praising him whenever he makes a change in his behavior or presents good behavior. Make sure you are paying attention.

The good news is that in a few short years he will grow out of this nonsense. The key is to not let it overwhelm you. The teen years are about seperation, his and yours. If he can be trusted, then trust him without conditions. If he can't, then don't assume you can. You only have a year or two before he's off to college, and then things will turn around for you.

Stick with him, he's worth it. Feel free to use the curse I did with my daughter when she went through that age. "I know you will have children, and I know that you will think you can do a better job than I did with you. And the day your teenager talks back to you and tells you how much they hate you, I want you to remember this day, the day you did the same thing to me. I want an apology then, for now, you're still grounded."

Answer 3

Sounds like he may be a bit spoiled. When he wants something that you won't get him and he becomes disrespectful then try to talk calmly to him. Tell him his behavior isn't fair, tell him to get a job and save for what he wants. Try to ignore his behavior; he is looking for a reaction. Just say no and don't continue arguing. I know it sounds easier than it is. I have a 16 year old son who is like that about doing what he wants. He will follow me around the house asking me to tell him why he can't do something. It used to drive me crazy and I would argue with him. I've found that the best thing is to just say no and not allow a fight to ensue. Good luck.

Answer 4

Sorry to say, but you made him this way. Now comes the long road of regaining your dominance. You are the parents, so make the rules and stick by them. Until he's 18, he lives with you and has to obey your rules. If he's disrespectful, cut his privileges. If he wants something, let him earn it. Remind him that, since he's a minor, you have the power to send him away if he isn't happy with the way things are at home.

Answer 5

Stop taking his SH#T!!

If he wants something then stop buying it for him. Your training him to behave this way and the more you cow to him, the worse it will get.

He is 17 and thinks that he has life by the tail, life will mellow him out a bit, but that will only be when he is responsible to get what he wants and not have mom or dad just bend over and give it to him.

Answer 6

It's your own fault for not teaching him early, to respect you. If he wants something, tell him to get a job and buy it. At 17, he should have some sort of job, part time or week ends or something. I would flat out refuse to buy him anything, except of course the necessities of life. But the car, those $100.00 jeans, and that $65.00 colone, he'd get a job and buy it or do with out. A few good whops across his head wouldn't hurt either.

Answer 7

You are reaping what you have sown.

My motto to my kids:

"It's my job to grow you into a responsible adult. If you have some fun along the way...consider it a bonus."

Your son is accustomed to a life where his every desire had been filled... a childhood that he never wants to leave. A childhood that gives him freedom of an adult and the accountability of a child.

You may want to seek counseling for how to remedy this situation you have created for yourself.

Answer 8

Buy him something to make money with dont give him money. Then after he makes money say-youve got money use yours.....Teach a man to fish and youve given him more.

Answer 9

pick your battles and still show love this is normal bahavior good luck