is it to late at 30 to ba confident and assertive and set bounderies with folks?

Question

ive been bullied, abused and intimidated alot of my life....let people intimidate me, manipulate me, impose upon me.....i was always very timid, submissive...worried about being assertive incase i hurt there feelings.......i was very sensitive growing up and got hurt and bullied alot

now im a 30 year old BPD sufferer.....is it to late to learn these skills, to be different? does it mean you have to change your personality?

thankyou for your answers....but please explain...how do you learn these skills then?

Answer 1

No its not too late to learn to be assertive, confident and set boundaries without changing who you are, its being who you are to the best of your ability. I'm going to admit that it will take time but you will learn how to overcome these issues in therapy and how to develop your self esteem. I think that you're focusing so much on the past that its blind sided you to future opportunities. This current situation is temporary and well within your abilities to fix, you are responsible for your won health as you have demonstrated to me time and time again and you know that you don't have to make BPD a life sentence, because you are willing to and are currently seeking help.

I'm thinking that right now you are lost, drifting, and that you need something to anchor you, provide you with some regularity. I'm suggesting a martial art because it will give you a visible goal to work towards, build your confidence both mentally and physically and help ground you in the world.

You are an intelligent, self aware individual that has great insight into your past which is why I think that with the right guidance, support and some time, you will succeed. I have said it before, I'll say it now, I believe that YOU have the ability to overcome this...you have my moral support and best wishes in that you will eventually have the life you desire.

Answer 2

How to learn this skills?
It takes a lot of self commitment and trail be error. This skills are not really learned just acquired. First off find some places that you can be comfortable just being your self. IE.. a church or the like. Some place that people will accept for you for you. There are more place than you might think. Than when you are in your safe environment start reaching out to your friends and making your own changes. Slowly over time the more comfortable you are in your safe place. You can slowly expand your expand, push your comfort zones to include more and more places.

Answer 3

No, it is never too late to learn new skills and gain more self confidence.

You might want to start with a therapist or group. You need a safe place to "role-play" and do skits showing how you would like to react to various situations and with different people.

It also might help you to join an acting class or community theatre (I was quite shy, until I had to learn to project for a class, and found that when I was "acting" the part of someone else, it was not me that was being seen, but the character.) perhaps you can do this for yourself by mentally asking yourself: "how would Brad Pitt (or insert your favorite self-assured actor) handle this situation; what would he say?" and then going by what your mind answers to you.

Answer 4

No, it's never too late to establish boundaries within your life. I did this when I was in my 40's...and I feel sooooo much better for doing it!! I was so tired of being pushed around and bullied, especially by my family, that enough was enough! I decided that it was indeed my job to take my own feelings into consideration instead of compromising my feelings just to make someone happy. Well, if they are happy by abusing me verbally, then why should I allow that?? No sir...you do not have to take crap from anyone!! You can take this stand at any point in your life! Establish boundaries and take care of YOU!! Good luck!!

Answer 5

boundaries are good and without them people will use you, but that does not mean you should unleash all the vent up NO' s on certain people....don't be imposed on and then go from there but try to just say No quietly and then firmly and last but not least " I said NO" Users do not like to let a giver get away so it may take some time to get your new point across but just be patient and good things come to those with patience.

Answer 6

It is never ever too late to stop feeling like crap. Don't take any more sh*t. It isn't fair to you. They have no right to make you feel bad about yourself. There is no such thing as too late. You deserve to have a happy life. Don't let people walk all over you. Your no doormat but a person who deserves respect.
....What is BPD by the way? I'm not sure what it is, but it sounds like you are labelling yourself.

Answer 7

IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!!!! Believe in yourself, use affirmation cards all around your home, read them outloud, look in the mirror and get comfortable with your expressions, after all, this is what other's see!!Limit your new found confidence to safe, social settings, not the negative past, until you gain strength in your self respect and confidence.

Answer 8

It is never too late and 30 is the right time to start finding yourself and begin enjoying life. You were not put here to suffer. Find yourself and be your own person and live YOUR life.

There are lots of books on the market..DON'T FEEL GUILTY. Say no.

enjoy

Answer 9

I want you to first BELIEVE in you.......You are a good person and I can tell by your questions . next and most important Love yourself ....look at your self and say what is good about me and I know there are many good things about you..your compassionate,your caring,you are always concerned about others feelings,you have much love in your heart ,but I want you to start caring about you ....your a great person BELIEVE in yourself...kara

Answer 10

Go for it. Don't let ppl take your kindness for Weakness, get out there and fight for your right to be respected