MIL dying, no life insurance....?

Question

My husbands mother has stage 4 bone cancer and the dr.s have said she has 2-3 months to live. She would never discuss any of her finances with us, so we're just finding out that she has no life insurance, no savings, etc. She does have a 401k, but doesn't want to touch it until it's fully vested, and we have no idea when that is. She knows that if she dies with money in the bank, or the 401k, the state will get it. My husband has 4 brothers, and while they've all agreed her final costs should be split, they're looking to us for the majority of it, bc my husband makes more than them. However, I think they're overlooking the fact that besides our bills and all, we have 2 kids and he pays $1000 a month in child support to his ex. How do we get them to understand we're not rich, and at the same time come to an agreement on a funeral plan? And how do we pick a funeral plan in the first place that's both tasteful yet not as expensive?

Answer 1

why will the state get it - WRONG

need to see a financial counselor about a living trust
naming the five siblings as the benefactors

DO IT MONDAY!

btw - I believe any 401k for a deceased goes to the estate (not the state) whether she was vested or not -
the monies are hers - final answer

a WILL is a dead giveaway - see about the living trust and keep the state out of probate

all the best

Answer 2

First, the assets will not go to the state. If there is no will, they will be distributed to the living relatives according to state law. Depending on the size of the estate, that is, the total of savings and 401K, it may be best to set up a simple inter vivos (living) trust that names the beneficiaries according to the mother's wishes. If the estate is relatively small, it would be simpler to have your mother write a basic will which describes the distribution of her assets. A trust would avoid probate. To set up a trust or a will, it would be best to consult an attorney to make sure it is done properly.

Your husband should talk to your mother and explain the financial issues. She should understand that if she dies without a will or trust, she would be causing significant legal and personal problems for her children. She can name one of her children as the executor of the will, or the trustee of her trust, although it may be best to name more than one as co-trustees. The son she considers most responsible should handle her affairs. She should decide how to divide her assets among her children without undue influence from any one son.

You will not get your husband's brothers to understand that you are not rich. They have no reason to consider your expenses, child support, etc. any more than you should consider how they live. They should discuss the situation and come to some agreement. The funeral expenses should be paid from the estate assets before the estate is divided according to the mother's wishes.

As for funeral expenses, your husband and his brothers should deal with that issue right away, not leave it for the time after she dies, when emotions run high and funeral directors can take advantage of the situation. Cremation is probably the least expensive alternative. If that is not acceptable you should explore alternative services to get an idea of the costs involved.

Answer 3

Her 401k goes to her estate not the state she lives in. Whomever she ha named as beneficiary gets the 401k and will pay the taxes on it. If she has not named all five sons as beneficiary's. let the person who is named pay funeral cost. The funeral plan you pick will be what your comfortable with because she isn't going to care.

Answer 4

ask her for the money. "mom, can i have your money when you die?"