I am 21 years old and my boyfriend of 3 years is 43. The age gap has never been a problem before but we have recently found out that he is very ill and because of this illness we can no longer have sex. I didn't think it would bother me but i can't stop thinking about having a baby, which is out the question as we don't have sex anymore and he already has three children and doesn't want anymore. I really do love him but don't know what to do?
Do I stay with him and forget about having a baby?
or
Do I leave him and find someone who wants the same things as me, i.e. children?
2007-10-05 21:35:59 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
More than a year ago, I was in an age gap relationship with a 40+ yr old man too. (42 yrs old to be exact)
The difference I guess was that my relationship was rocky, and well, when I found out that he could probably not have children, I felt disappointed, and considered leaving him... Not only because of having babies, but because the relationship was going downhill...
I decided to stay, but anyway, some months later I had to break up with him, because the situation of the relationship could no longer be.
Now I thank God SO much, because, I think that even if things had gotten better between us... The dream of having a baby, for a woman, is really hard to let go, and yes, maybe I thought that I could handle something like that, but now I know with all my heart that maybe I'd have not.
And since your BF doesn't want any more kids, I think your answer is obvious.
I think there are certain things that one CAN'T give up for love.
If you two were married, I guess it'd be a bit different.
But right now, you are young and not married, so, you have an entire life ahead of you, and you CAN and WILL find someone who will be more in the same page than your current BF.
Think about this... You're too young to give up SO many things for someone who'd not even be willing to adopt, just because he already has children.
I mean, if you are willing to tolerate an entire life without EVER experiencing having a child of your own, and if you are willing to give up sex for who knows how long. Wouldn't it make sense that he committed to something too? Like adoption???
I don't think you should go on with this relationship. When you grow older you could regret it SO much.
Remember that you can buy ANYTHING on this earth, but time.
Time is the only thing that you can't get back, so, think about it seriously... Do you want to wake up one day being 60+ yrs, alone, and realizing that you let the chance of having a kid(s) of your own go for someone who was not willing to do a sacrifice for you too?
Life is precious, don't waste it.
2007-10-05 22:13:28 · answer #1 · answered by Lizzie 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
When you truly love someone and they are your soulmate, nothing that happens makes you even question whether or not you will stay because in your heart you are one with that person. My guess is that you aren't truly in love. If you were, you would not be contemlating this at all. He is ill, you would still love him the same, take care of him, and work through this situation. ( adoption, invitro, etc.)
Your first thought seems to be to leave without any question of the other alternatives. Think about why that is.
2007-10-05 22:33:39 · answer #2 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have a friend who was in your exact situation. She is now middle aged, lives with a grumpy old man is very lonely and resentful that he didn't allow her to have children. If you stay, that will be you in 30 years.
2007-10-05 22:09:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
If you are thinking of leaving him in any way other than just a fleeting thought, then yes, you should leave him.
At your age, people tend to cling too long and drag out the inevitable.
Good luck.
2007-10-05 21:46:31 · answer #4 · answered by box of rain 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
If you can forgo sex in this relationship, then you can go on.
If you can't, like the majority of people, I suggest you break it off.
2007-10-05 22:29:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Life is finally telling you that age does matter. You haven't listened to anyone else.
2007-10-05 21:42:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
You need to leave with your pride and dignity.You are only 21.You gonna end up either cheating on him,or having someone elses baby.There is no way this will work.NO WAY.
2007-10-05 21:45:36 · answer #7 · answered by avavu 5 · 3⤊ 3⤋
if you really love him, you wouldn't mind not having children with him.
unless you want a baby more than you want him, which i think is not love, up to you...
2007-10-05 22:14:25 · answer #8 · answered by Mary 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
of course you should leave and don't have a kid. you are young. how about what you want in live? you want a career, then go back to school. you want to travel, start making plans. the world is yours when you don't have all these relationship dilemmas when you find yourself unbalanced with your significant other.
2007-10-05 21:40:21 · answer #9 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 2⤊ 4⤋
You just have to decide which is more important t you and no one else can give you the answer.
2007-10-05 21:40:00 · answer #10 · answered by megzs2009 1 · 3⤊ 3⤋