My spouse and I have been together for 10 yrs now. The relationship has been very rocky. We have major trust issues because he's repeatedly lied to me in the past about things like porn. He was hiding porn from me. It wasn't that I was against porn, per se, but I was agaisnt it because he was using it to completely replace our sex life and it had obviously become a problem for him. Caught him hiding it 3 times, after he swore he respected my feelings and wouldn't have it. He lied. Then he has a one night stand. I tried to forgive him but can't. He lied about what really happened only for me to find out the whole truth when I was pregnant with our son. Now I have no trust for him and no respect. I feel trapped. He supports me while I'm home with our son and I go to college. I want to leave but have no $. He is unwilling even to read a book about relationships to help the situation. He says supporting me is enough. Our son is 2. We fight all the time. I don't think it's healthy. Advice?
2007-10-05 21:08:22 · 18 answers · asked by Haulie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The more you try to pen an animal in, the harder it will try to escape. When you push your conditions on him because of the porn, you only create resentment. Maybe you should have tried talking about it rather than telling him what you think is right. Then he wouldn't find it necessary to hide it from you. A compromise is always better than telling him something that he doesn't agree with. Of course he will hide it. Once he resents you, things go from bad to worse (as you already know). He will not read your book because it's your idea. He's had enough of your ideas. Your marriage is done.
I don't in any way mean to justify cheating, just try to explain it.
2007-10-05 21:22:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel where you are coming from. I have been married for 16 years with 4 children. It has been a rollercoaster. My husband has lied to me and got caught. He will never change. We are going to marriage counseling for the second time in our marriage's lifetime. I really have no desire to save the marriage but because I have 4 children and the youngest is 4 years old I will try to learn how to tolerate being in this relationship. My husband does the adult websites/date sites/ and everything that you can think of. You must decide if you want to stay or go....Remember to think about how it will effect your child. Make a plan.....get a job even if it is parttime. Save your money.....Don't put yourself in a position that if you need to leave or decide to leave that you can't. It is very important that you have a support out side of the home. Call churches or find a womens support group to join....You are a mother and no matter what a man tells you.....You must be able to take control of any situation. Handle your business.... Good luck
2007-10-05 22:48:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Like Jerseyman said... You already know the answer to all this.
If you have family, or friends, go to them... College can wait for a bit until you find a job or financial aid to finish, don't start with excuses to stick around with a mean person like that who's not even willing to go to counselling to help your already screwed up marriage.
Do the SMART thing... Don't waste your life any longer... Just think of those 10 years that you won't be able to get back, do you want to waste 3, 4, 5, 6+ more?
You can buy ANYTHING in this world, but time. Time NEVER comes back, remember that ALL the time before you hit 60+ and wake up with that bast@rd and his stinky cheating @ss beside you.
Oh, and don't listen to advice like the one of an @sshole above, who said that men are like that and that we must accept them, SCREW that!!! Some people are better off shutting the hell up!
2007-10-05 21:39:48 · answer #3 · answered by Lizzie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Other than the "one night stand", girl I thought you were in my marriage!!!! Or should I say...last marriage. I stuck it out for ten years and was miserable. He promised me 100 times it would stop...but never did. I could have stayed with him without being in love...but not without respecting him. I stayed because we had three children and I didn't want them to have to be in a broken home. But when I finally reached my breaking point, I had a surprise coming. My children (13, 10 and 8) were relieved! I was so wrapped up in my unhappiness that I didn't realize how unhappy they were also.
With the right two people it is possible to work things out. I would never suggest to divorce to anyone....but I can tell you, seven years later, that ALL of us are much happier now. Just ask yourself where you see yourself in 10 years???? Still feeling this way?
Good luck!!
2007-10-05 21:17:39 · answer #4 · answered by cabotguardgirl 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your question hits very close to home for me. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. We are in the mist of filing for divorce. I came home tonight and saw all his things had been moved out. I can tell you from my advice is "you can't make yourself feel something that isn't already there" I do not know one person who can say they lost feelings for their spouse, and then they came back. Life is to short to be miserable. I believe that as a woman, I need passion and love in my relationship. I need an equal who will communicate with me. I want to feel excited when i come home from work, not miserable. You may not think so, but your son can feel negative energy between you and your husband. He may not understand it, but he feels it.
2007-10-05 22:02:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi Holly, sorry that you are in that situation. You are not alone, many women felt the same way at least once in their lives. I know exactly what you feel. I've been there.
Firstly, I suggest you started to earn money your own so that you can have more options in the future. Have you heard of internet business? Small capital, easy to start and working in the comfort of your own home so that you don't need to leave your son. Please find out more in www.wealthywinningwomen.com.
Secondly, you must ask your self what do you really want in your life? What's your vision?
Thirdly, please pray and ask God's guidance to give you wisdom in that situation.
Hope you take an important step out from that situation,
Tessie
2007-10-05 21:38:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are a victim of circumstance that occurs in many marriages.
You trustes him. You gave him the respect and he destroyes it and doesn't realize that yet.
Your gonna have to be strong and finish your College and move on without him.
His punishment has yet to begin.
Your smart enough to know when it's time to bail out of a marriage gone wrong and learn from that. Next time you will be more careful in choosing your mate and not take him for granted in what he say's.
It must be what he proves to be and the two are different in aspect to each other.
2007-10-05 21:52:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can't say that I would be miserable, but I would miss some people.
2016-03-19 06:25:05 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would probably try to stick it out until college was finished, and then I would leave is @ss. Or just leave now and suffer it out until you are done with school. It sound like there is no repairing here, he lies too much and when there is no trust theres nothing. Good Luck girl, I wish you the best!!
2007-10-05 21:16:52 · answer #9 · answered by Me 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the least he can do is work on the relationship with you. Couples counseling is an option, if you have health insurance you may be able to get a discounted rate.
You guys need to start communicating ASAP, with the goal of being happy together in mind. It is the only way to build trust and love again.
Also check out this website:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/
2007-10-05 21:20:39 · answer #10 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋