Is a childess life selfish?

Question

I'm asking about marriages where both parties have agreed not to have children.

I understand this is a sensitive issue with some people being infertile or losing a child ia miscarriage or other things.

BUT- I have some friends who decided to remain childless for one reason or another. Their marriages are especially vibrant- it's like they're always dating and quite a contrast between their happiness individually and as a couple
to friends with children.

What are your thoughts on this?
Would your marriage be different without children? Better, worse, same, different?

Answer 1

No of course it's not selfish. It is far more selfish to bring children into the chaos that is our world.

I say that as a mother who absolutely adores her children and her grandchildren but I do not believe that those who choose not to have them are selfish.

The only thing is that when one partner dies, they may be entirely alone in the world but they have to live with this possibility and it cannot ever be deemed selfish to have made this choice.

Answer 2

I also know a couple who have chosen not to have children and they travel all over the world and have a great time. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't jealous. Children are a constant strain in any relationship - the little bundles of joy soon turn out to be a pain in the neck for at least 4 hours out of every day. The trouble is that once you have your children, you can't live without them. I know life would be a damn site easier without them - I could have a lie in and go anywhere when I wanted to and not have to worry about the littlest one wetting her pants in the supermarket! Equally, I would miss not seeing them laugh, watching silly programmes together, reading kids books, jumping on climbing frames, playing in the paddling pool. Its not selfish to have no children, just a rather honest. Lots of parents would love a childfee life, if only they were honest enough to admit it! Its not politically correct to say you can't stand kids when you have some at home!

Answer 3

Your marriage will be what you both make it. Trust, openness and talking things out I believe are the basis for a good marriage. Children do not MAKE a marriage. If both parties agree with having children and all the ups and downs bringing them up entails, then children can enhance the same.

Because you get married does not mean you HAVE to have children. Just enjoy yourselves, your love and the life you have both chosen...because it is tooooo short. If you two decide on no children - that is your choice and no one else should be involved in that discussion or decision. Never feel guilty on following your hearts.

You will both be happy...move forward and dont look back. Do what YOU want....I wish you all the best

Answer 4

I don't think life without a child is selfish, having a child and not spending time, or giving love to them is extremely selfish, and I have witnessed this. A marriage without children would probably be a very happy one, WHY because they don't have to deal with dirty diapers, getting up during the night for feeding, illness, doctor appts-basically you give up your life for your children. Yes its hard work but so rewarding, especially when your child grows up and thanks you for being a good parent and for all the advice that they will need in the future. I wouldn't trade my kids in for the world, when they become teenagers they think they know it all and have attitude, but then you start to realize that you acted the same way when you were that age and you start to understand your parents, and even become your parents, you will find yourself repeating some of the same words your parents used, it's pretty cool!

Answer 5

Marriage is not about buying a house or having children. It more about sharing of love between 2 unknown individual. Well, if couples would like to follow the society needs to have children, than it more living not to be look down by others.

I am marreid for 3 years and me and my wife decided not to have children and enjoy our life with another kind of meaning. I don't denied the fact that having children can be a joyful, but it really up to individual to decide.

My advise is that you need to dicuss with your partner if both of you agreed not to have children before marriage. do not let the issue be a breaking point of the relationship.

Finally, for those who decide to have children, I sincerely congratualate them for the joy they will have. for those that don't, it not a selfish thing at all.

Life is short...Live it to the fullest

Answer 6

I do think some people have children for selfish reasons, so that there is someone to love them, to look after them in their old age, so that they won't be alone. This puts a heavy burden on the child.
I never intended to have children, but wouldn't be without my "accident" (my daughter). If I had my time over again, I wouldn't have one. To my son-in-law's disgust, I have absolutely no desire to be a grandmother. I'm just not child minded, and don't really like them.

Answer 7

I do not consider my childless life selfish but yes, I think my husband and I enjoy a different lifestyle because we do not have children. Better or worse is always up to the individual.

I believe those parents who wouldn't trade their experience with children for anything, but at the same time, in our logical analysis of whether or not to have children, the "pros" column came up very short... erm.. I mean blank.

Answer 8

You are not selfish for making that choice. There are people that are selfish for having children they do not have the ability to care for (i.e. B. Spears)

Personally, I have a 6mo old son and my husband and I are enjoying every minute of it. It can be difficult at times, but I think it is important not to make your entire life about being a parent. We had a child to enrich our already happy marriage/life and to work together to give our child every opportunity to grow and develop into a productive member of society that will impact the world around him (lofty aspirations for our little one, but why not?) We have a deeper love for one another and commitment to one another through our love of our son. We still get grandmas to baby sit so we can go out on a date or with friends. We also have our baby spend one night a month over night with his grandparents or great aunt so we can have a night alone. He goes out to the bookstore, to coffee, and dinner with us and our friends. We are the first to be married and to have kids at 26 and we wouldn't change it for the world.

(you might want to get back to me though when I try to juggle a child and getting my masters soon...lol... I may be singing a different tune ;)

Answer 9

My husband and I live a childfree lifestyle, and I think it's anything but selfish. Not to mention it gives us plenty of freedom :)

Overpopulation is a serious problem, because we're running out of resources needed to support the people we already have in the world, we simply can't care for our growing numbers. I believe that based on this knowledge, conceiving more than one or two children is by far more selfish of an act.

Answer 10

In no way is that selfish. What would be selfish is if you had children and did not care for them properly.

Live you life not through the prism of others and their lives.

But I do agree, having a child has enriched my life is so many unexpected ways. I regret nothing about the whole experience.

Good luck.