My boyfriend recently quit drinking. He was a bad drinker and quit cold turkey. Since then he has acquired this new habit of tsking and sighing and ehing everytime something is not perfect. The dog walks around his feet, he moans, the salt isnt in the perfect place (not even his house mind you) he tsks. I dont sit and watch tv with him right away, sigh sigh sigh. My kids do something "he" doesnt like and its tsk. Mind you he will put the whole combination together too. Tsk, sigh, eh, tsk. The eh sounds like he is Rose from the Titanic only in pain. What is this? Is there a name for it besides being a whining rump? Is this some type of manipulation? It is driving me insane. He is old enough to express his feelings as he is well into his late 30's. Any insight?
2007-10-05 19:16:00 · 9 answers · asked by vintagepink- 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
The thing about alcoholics is their love for themselves. Every move they make is determined by what's in it for them.
Therapist's label them king baby. They act just like a spoiled little child.
Look at me--I'm not drinking!!! Why is everyone just sitting there? Can't you see? I gave up my best friend and you don't even notice! When they quit drinking they want credit for what everyone else does without even thinking about it. Most people stay sober. They don't seek recognition for it. Not drinking is normal because there are others involved. The wife, the kids. Drinking affects all relationships negatively.
Are you and the kids in ala-non? He's not in AA, right? If he was he would be working on getting a sponser, going to meetings, working on assignments. Otherwise he is just putting the cork in the bottle. It won't work. You have to have something to replace drinking. As the most important thing in a person's life, it is imperative new friends, thinking, behavior is changed, and it doesn't include making everyone else miserable. Next time he does it. Ignore him, take the kids, and go to a alanon meeting. Call AA they will direct you to a meeting. There you will learn all about these bozos that go around screwing up lives.
He's probably not a bad person. But that
crowned head of his is going to get him in trouble. AA will show him humility.
It will teach him to be grateful and not go around acting like his life is over cause someone crosses him by not being perfect.
He is so perfect, right? I'm taking the time to deal with this because you and your family have been impacted terribly by his behaviors. If he is going to act like an idiot while dry, what's the difference? Quitting cold turkey is the worst cause he has no support system. His best chance is AA. Also he needs a doctor to check him out. Take my word for what I say. If you believe in God or higher power, pray for strength and for him to gain the insight to go to AA meetings. Good luck. God Bless
2007-10-05 19:51:50 · answer #1 · answered by wpepper 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is learning to cope with his emotions without the use of alcohol. When people become addicted to a substance, they use it to cope with unpleasant feelings. "I'm stressed out, I so need a cigarette/drink/etc." Without alcohol, there is no safety net anymore. So, since he hasn't learned to cope with a generalized state of anxiety (partially caused by withdrawal), and he has no demonstrable reason to feel the way he does, he actively looks for things to validate his feelings. Ever been in a bad mood and started a fight? You weren't in a bad mood because of what you fought about - it just gave you a validation (Oh! So THAT is why I was irritable!). As he learns to cope (which may take support from professionals, or others going through the same thing), the "whining" should decrease. Don't assume that all feelings have explanations - sometimes we are happy because we just are, or depressed because we just are. There are biological explanations for some of these, but they are hardly in your conscious awareness.
2007-10-06 06:00:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is going through a period of psychological withdrawal. He is more anxious because of it and doesn't know how to deal with this anxiety. It would be good for him to go to AA meetings to help him with this and for him to be able to continue to stay sober. Maybe it would help him to see a counselor, also.
If he says that he is not an alcholic, tell him that AA is helpful anyway. Whenever a person changes a significant behavior, the highest percentage of people who are able to continue with the new behavior, are those who were in a support group for that particular behavior, for at least 2 years.
Alanon is a good organization but a person has to be forewarned. The principles that they teach are principles that are designed to help a person stay in a relationship with a person who is alcoholic, using alcohol, and is behaving in an under responsible (also known as irresponsible) way.
If you are in a relationship with a person who is not alcoholic, or not using, or not under responsible; the principles they teach can destroy a relationship. The problem is that they don't tell you that. They tell you that the principles they teach are general principles for ALL relationships.
It's not that they are consciously lying; it's that they are ignorant about this. There are no professionals who guide this organization. That being said, many people have been helped by going there.
Good for your b/f to be able to quit drinking. I commend him for this. My best wishes for the both of you.
2007-10-06 03:06:21 · answer #3 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's just bored. With his life with himself. He's so used to life being amped up by alcohol, and used to his perceptions on things being altered by alcohol that maybe sober life isn't as amusing in a way. Maybe he's been like this all along you just couldn't see it because he was always drunk before. I think boredom has a lot to do with this situation and he turns his boredom and unhappiness into grumpiness and irritation. Is he going to AA meetings for support and advice? If not, maybe he should, or perhaps counseling, family counseling even, because something is bothering him. Have you tried talking to him about it? Well, good luck and take care âº
2007-10-06 02:29:48 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer™ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Which is worse?
His bad drinking???
OR
His noises?
*if you stop one problem you replace it with something else.
try al-anon.
www.al-anon.alateen.org
Al-Anon and Alateen
Helps families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of living with the problem drinking of a relative or friend.
www.al-anon.alateen.org
I have a sober loved one now for 5 yrs, and EVERYTHING changes when they quit drinking.
Out of the fog and into the light.
They notice and comment on EVERYTHING.
If you don't like his quirks..........move on.
honestly, I wish you and him the best of luck!
2007-10-06 02:25:22 · answer #5 · answered by Lilly 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
maybe he is just getting used to it cause people drink to kind of forget about stuff and he needs something to distract ot somethink i think he should get a hobby start running and reading i think that would help because mybe he thinks to much.
2007-10-06 02:22:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Tsk, sigh, eh, tsk....dunno....=(
2007-10-06 02:22:51 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Slide♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lmao
2007-10-06 02:34:52 · answer #8 · answered by ********** 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
lmao,,,,i have one of those at home, toooooo
2007-10-06 02:19:42 · answer #9 · answered by vanessa c 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋