Annoying dependent friend - what to do?

Question

Met this person after she had been rejected from a group of her friends for apparently no reason. Felt sorry for her - started inviting her out with my friends. She seemed level headed, confident and friendly (bit annoying sometimes, but not too bad). Recently had a uni rotation with her where she started hanging out with me all day (even though she was supposed to be working with another group of ppl). At first didnt mind - she seemed lonely, but then it escalated to the point she seemed to be making up white lies and changing her story so that we could be together all the time. She would even use subtle manipulation to further our 'togetherness'. She keeps on inviting herself to things i do with my friends and ringing my house.

Told me about her time in high school where she was rejected and taunted, & almost would have self harmed. I get increasingly annoyed by her presence (to the point i cant enjoy myself), but dont want her to hurt herself. Also still feel sorry for her....

Just last night - she phoned (wanted to have dinner). So i thought, ill be good, and took her out with my best friend. She spent the whole night talking about herself. Whenever my b.friend and i mentioned something we did just in passing, she would ask when?how often? "next time you go i want can you to take me". As we dropped her off at her place, my b.friend was like 'im soo not coming out if she is coming next time' (my b.friend and catch up once/wk for dinner).

My problem is, there is nothing i can really pin this annoying friend as doing wrong that i can pull her up on without hurting her. At least not that i can think of.

Worst is that my emotional response to her seems to be just more and more annoyance. I cant be around her without feeling on edge. It takes all of my effort to be civil.

I would dump her like a hot scone if she had some other friends. But whenever she talks to me, she keeps commenting how 'she has no one to talk too'.

She also lives close by.

Thanks for the answers so far. Yeah, i agree, i shouldn't be her care taker. I just feel she may continue to be rejected her whole life if she continues in this manner. Any advice on what i could say...in actual words...that would help her be less annoying?

hehehe...my b.friend just reckons i should just set her up with a needy guy :D - so they can be dependent together.

yeah, ive introduced her to a number of my friends, who get on fine with her. She just doesnt pursue her relationship with them as she does with me.

I think the problem is when she was rejected by her uni friends, i invited her out without reservation (and sorry for the confusion...initially it wasnt out of pity). I couldnt understand why her initial friends rejected her - i thought they were bitches. I had been genuinely friendly with her for about 1 year (invited her out with my whole group numerous times) before we had that rotation together (about 2 months ago) where she started to become stalkery. So its hard for me to say, no im just going to drop u.

thanx for all the advice anyway. I cant exclude her as she does semi know my friends (plus its a bit mean :P ) But i think i will try and make my other friends include her, maybe try and hint subtly when she is crossing social lines. I dont think i could ever be close with her though - i just get too annoyed!

Answer 1

If you really consider her to be a friend, then try being open and honest with her, if you take the avoidance route then it will only be more hurtful. Try introducing her to other people she could possibly be friends with. I doubt she intends to be annoying, but sometimes lonely, needy people that find someone who actually cares may come off this way. My guess is that she is not used to having friends, hence why her behavior is socially inept. So cut her some slack. But it sounds as though you only became her friend out of pity, which is never a good way to start a friendship, hence why you cant stand her now.

Answer 2

Repeat after me...

I am NOT responsible for her well being.... She is an adult....

If you don't detach yourself now, you will soon be consumed with her problems. You started out by trying to help her, and now you became her care taker. Trust me, she will be fine without you. After all, she has been fine before you came along. Consciously or unconsciously, she has attached herself to you and now she is making you feel you are responsible for her well being.

I suggest separating yourself now to save yourself. It is one thing to be a good person and help someone. It is quite another to be a care taker. Think about it.

I forgot to mention:
I have a friend who is in need of a lot of support. When I was speaking with (another) friend of mine who is a licensed and degreed psychologist, one of the first thing she said was, "be sure to not let his problem yours." That's what I am basically telling you. As to she will be rejected for life, that's not your problem. If you are not comfortable with direct confrontation, you might want to start making up reasons why you couldn't see her and slowly walk away.

Answer 3

HUnm, intresting situation i have this kinda friend too. Well i think you should avoid her or always say her that you are busy or you know try to avoid her company. If it dont work then talk to her not directly but indirectly that i hope you will find your a very nice person as a friend. Or always prefer your friends at front of her that she could understand and stay away i think it should work if shes smart and atlast (if it dont work Too) then talk to her directly that i have my friends and i am happy with them. I will be in contacvt with you but you cant be my permanat friend. or if you cant say er email her.
You have to take a step
Good luck

Answer 4

Well, I think she have developed a habit of being dependant on you already. This is not very healthy coz it affect your private life.
I think you have to turn her down at certain stages and I think she may be able to get the signal. If she insist on following you, then you have to be frank with her but in a tactical way.
It may hurts at first but I believe she is able to take it.

Answer 5

um............... i think she wants your weiner!