why does he do this to me ?

Question

My husband has this extremely frustrating new habit,when he says he is coming over at maybe 3 he would call back at 3 instead of coming and then say he would be their at 4 and he does this consistently for maybe 5 hours.no matter how bad i need him home or no matter whats wrong with me he still does it i end up frustrated and crying my eyes out he says he is sorry and maybe the next week he does it again why does he play this game with me and how can i get him to stop he also does it to the kids but not as much.

Answer 1

Next time he says see you at 3, say "okay, see you at 5" and leave it at that. And if you are married why is calling to say when he's coming over instead of 'I'll be home at whatever time"

Best way to solve that problem is to make plans and if he doesn't show up on time leave without him, you might have to do it a couple of times but he'll get the hint.

And don't b*tch at him either. Just if there are plans leave at the designated time without him.

We have to tell my brother that dinner is at 1 just to get him there by 3 which I think is total BS. Nothing says "I have no respect for you or your plans" then being late ALL THE TIME.

xxx

Answer 2

It's obvious he doesn't want to come help you, that's why he is putting you off. Where is he? Why is he somewhere besides home? Is he at a buddies house?

Maybe he finds you too clingy and demanding and that's why he stays away, you are always finding something for him to do and he isn't into it. Maybe he is just selfish.

I say you should use reverse tactics. He is too sure about you. So you need to put some mystery into the mix. Don't be mean, just become distant and unconcerned. Don't call after him, don't look for him, find something else to do. When he comes home hardly even notice. If you are strong and hold out and do this right, he will eventually come around to find out why you are not the insecure one anymore. Get a sitter and go somewhere yourself and leave his laundry undone, his dinner uncooked, what ever else you do for him now, stop doing it. Take care of the kids, but don't do anything for him.

Switch the tables on him.

Answer 3

I think he is doing for the same reason that I try to stay away from my home. I keep calling my mom about some excuse so I can stay out a little longer. He is free out in the world and there is less responsibilities and less nagging. But that doesnt mean he is in the right he does have responsibilities and he should deal with them. The best thing is to have a heart to heart talk. Nothing with drama just try to find out what you both can do to make this situation go away. Be open and ask him to be as well.

Answer 4

I take it from your question that the two of you don't live together. You must be having some issues in your relationship. Here is my best advice, don't let the kids know he said he is coming, that way if he doesn't show up, they are not disappointed. I guess that really depends on how old they are. If they are young, keep them out of it. If they are older children, maybe you should let them know what their dad is doing but do so gently. Also, if he says he is coming over, don't be there. Go somewhere else and be unreachable so he gets the idea of what it feels like.

Answer 5

Oh man...he sounds like a real piece of work. I'm wondering when this "extremely frustrating new habit" started? The fact that you've expressed your unhappiness to him about this odd behavior, and that he continues doing it, says a lot. His behavior is very inconsiderate and thoughtless and selfish. What does he tell you he's doing with his time that changes from hour to hour? Where does he say he is? He just sounds immature and up to something he's not being honest with you about. Also, what do you mean when you say, "he says he's coming over..." Doesn't he live with you?

Answer 6

Actually, he is a controlling person. What he says goes & the biggest thing you have in dealing w/it is that you have no comeback on what he says. You are at his mercy w/te time situation. IF it's a time being set for dinner, I would tryly go ahead & have dinner when he sets the FIRST TIME. Oh well, he tld. you a certain time, you made it for that certain time. When he comes in & you're "happening" to be eating, already have his on his plate & just TELL HIM to nuke it. You surely shouldn't honestly have to chg. your plans 4 times for him! No way...and I KNOW what you mean, this is why I say this. Let him be responsible for "taking" what he started & you "finish" it. After chging. dinner times 4 times, I'm hungry, so I make dinner. "He" can nuke his when he's ready to eat. It honestly is a control thing & you're the one paying for it. There is NO need for this, no reason for it. No reason for you to get that upset over it. This is his problem not yours. Just let him know he is NOT going to keep doing this to do. It is not fair & is disrespectful to you. You do not deserve this kind of treatment from anyone, so refuse to take it. If he doesn't have the decency to show you respect, you TAKE IT. You are not his hired help, you are his wife & should be treated as such. Do this enuf times, & he'll either conform to your wishes or he'll take what he gets. Stand up for yourself & KNOW what you're doing it the rite thing, Best to you, & I hope it works out well for YOU. You deserve it, you make it happen.

Answer 7

talk to him about it. tell him its hurting both you and the kids and thats not a very stable enviroment for the kids to be in. its scary when kids see there mom crying because of their dad. it makes the kids feel hopeless and just sort alike they are in the way or like its their fault. explain how you feel to your husband and threaten him by making him choose between his family or whatever else he is doing. my dad was bad at that too and my mom made him choose. he chose his family. hope this helps you a little.
p.s
when you talk to him
try not to yell around the kids
that also scares them.
Weather they admit it or not.

Good Luck

Answer 8

Take the kids and stay overnight at a relative's house without telling him in advance. Do not contact him while you are gone and get your relatives to say nothing to him. He will only understand what you are going through if he goes through it also.

Answer 9

you let him do it to you and the kids. sounds like he has other things more important than you and kids. or hate to say it maybe someone else. he wont change so either you get use to crying and being hurt or do something about it. its all up to you.

Answer 10

Your letting him get away with it, that's why he does it. Put your foot down about it. Because he needs to be a man and own up to his responsibilites as a husband and father.