Should I have my adopted son circumcised?

Question

My son recently turned 4 years old. My husband and I adopted him from Guatemala a year ago. He is not circumcised. When we brought him home my husband wanted to have him circumcised right away (FYI - we live in America and our 7 year old biological son IS circumcised). However, I knew the transistion to a new family and new country was hard enough without putting him through the ordeal of circumcision immediately.

Well, now he is settled in and part of the family. So, my husband has asked me "when are we getting him circumcised?"

I haven't agreed to have the procedure done. I'm just not "sold" on it. My husband says that since he and our other son are circumcised it would "just make sense". Plus, my husband says that he is afraid our son will be "made fun of" later if he is NOT.

But, I think that since our son is 4 years old, this would be more traumatic now, than when he was an infant. And maybe we should let it be a decision he makes as an adult.

Help!

Thanks for all of the the replies so far....I was afraid for awhile that no MEN were going to answer...but they are starting to give their opinions now. Thanks.

I am Christian, so there are no religious beliefs for or against having the circumcision done. So, that isn't even an issue.

For those who commented on the my husbands quotes.....here is my response. We live in a rural area in Kentucky. Believe it or not, middle school and highschool kids around here possibly might tease my son for being different. At least this is what my husband fears. (He's a guy and says he knows what goes on in the locker rooms.) ???

As for me....my main concern is that my son doesn't come to me when he is in his 20's and say "Mom....why didn't you have this taken care of when I was little?"

I'm not concerned about disease. I've done the research and being uncircumcised is not putting him "at risk" as long as I teach him the "facts of life" honestly and openly!!

Thanks for the info.

Answer 1

The question shows your concern and eagerness for your son. I appreciate the love and affection you have shown on your son despite having biological son.

Circumcise or not should be depended on medical advice and your son's mental ability of acceptance of the fact, since there is no religious obligation.

Circumcision has got its own pros and cons. In fact Muslims get circumcised their children as a religious mandate.
..................................v

Answer 2

Not sure you are still reading this but here is my opinion.

I live in the UK, though I realise it still goes on quite a lot in the US. I'm very much with the idea that we are born 'as is' and that's the way we should stay unless for medical reasons.

Your adopted son was born with a foreskin and should therefore have the right to say whether he keeps it or not.

Obviously he can't answer that question and because it is not a life threatening operation I don't believe you have the right to make that choice for him.

Your husband's concerns are justified but not enough to warrant something as serious as that. You would be far better teaching him why he wasn't circumcised than having to explain why he was.....

How else are you going to protect him from being teased?

Dye his hair to match the majority of students!
Give him the same hair style! The same dinner money!
The same school bag! The same sports wear!
Are you gonna take him to a plastic surgeon to smooth any imperfections!

Where are you gonna draw the line?

In reality, the only question you need to ask is this.

Are you gonna have him circumcised just so he 'fits in' or are you gonna let him be his own person.

Answer 3

In America where I believe circumcision is more standard, your son might feel different, and yes, boys being boys he might get teased about being different.
On the other hand, if there are no medical reasons (tight foreskin or urine infections) then you could argue that it would be OK to leave it.
It's a tough one. I was circumcised when I was about 8 or 9, for medical reasons. As an adult (in 40s) I now wish I still had my foreskin, but I think it's a case of the "grass being greener" if you know what I mean?
One thing I would say is make your minds up soon, rather than getting the op done when it really is something that will be noticed in the locker room.
Hope that helps. Feel free to contact me if you want to discuss further.

Answer 4

I really advise against it. 4 years old is a bad age because he's not quite old enough to understand, yet he will remember it and it will be a terrible experience. I know a child who had to get it done at that age and it was a horrible experience, so much pain, fear of doctor afterwards etc.

Circumcision is not medically necessary. It's possible he'll feel left out, if his school has open showers and people actually stare and tease (unlikely), but then he can choose to get it done at that age if he wants. It's his penis, his choice. He is not a baby and he will remember and likely be angry if you get it done without consulting him. And he might not live where you are for the rest of his life (circed guys are a minority in most of the rest of the world and even some states in the USA). Kids tease about all sorts of things...people have to deal with it...but you don't know if it will happen yet. Also I doubt he will notice or care the difference with your husband or other son.

Answer 5

As an uncircumcised 31 year old man I can say that there is NO medical necessity to circumcision. My mother made the choice 31 year ago to NOT have me circumcised and I have also made the same decision for my son. With a little teaching, one can learn to keep the cover clean. If your son was a little younger I would say that it does make much difference he wont remember it anyway but he is 4 years old and such a procedure may have lasting psychological effects on him. Present it to your son, yes he if 4 but this is his body and he should be included in the decision. Let him know that he DOESN'T have to do the procedure but that in doing so he will look like his dad and his brother. If you choice to go through with the procedure, make sure that you find a doctor that will put your child under anesthia to minimized the mental distress that he will receive in the end. Good luck in your decision.

Answer 6

It seems like you've a good grasp on the fact that there's nothing inherently wrong, medically or otherwise, with being uncircumcised. And really there isn't, as long as it's kept clean (which isn't hard or time-consuming). Your only concern is if he'll be teased for being different.

Well . . . not to be harsh, but he's already different. He's originally from Guatemala, so that alone makes him different from probably the vast majority of his peers. He'll have to deal with that from day one in school. But by the time middle and high school come along, most guys will probably accept him because they're already used to him being different; so really, it is unlikely that he'll be teased later. They might just think that's just part of being Guatemalan, and won't give it a second thought.

Kids will be teased for all sorts of reasons - hair style, fashion style, skin color, ethnicity - but we all find ways to deal with this. Being teased about having a foreskin is really no different than this. Personally, I've never been teased for being uncircumcised as there are easily other things to be teased about. But most guys aren't jerks like that.

Teach your adopted son confidence in himself and to embrace what differences he may have from his peers. Yeah, he's unique in your area, but that's what makes him special and can ultimately make him a stronger person. Don't worry about him being teased, let him make the circumcision decision for himself without any outside pressure. Yeah, he might be teased a little, but I can guarantee he'll be fine later on. Just leave the decisions over his body to himself.

Answer 7

It's more common to be uncircumcised these days, so don't worry about him getting teased. I am a senior in high school and have never had a single problem, and some of my friends know I'm not circumcised. Just teach him good hygiene and save him from the painful surgery. By the way, congratulations on your adoption, it is really awesome what you did.

Answer 8

I'd say not to have him circumcised. He has been thru alot in his short life. You guys saved him. God bless you! So, what if he has foreskin? I had my sons circumcised over 20 years ago after birth because it was just the thing to do. Now a days, alot of parents are opting not to. My 8 mo. old grandson isn't. I tried to get them to do it, but then realized what's my grandson's penis have to do with me?????? Being uncircumsized is not a disfigurement. If your son wants to have it done bad enough or at all when he's of age, he can. I know a guy who did just that!

Answer 9

He is at an age now where his wishes should be taken into account. Also, he is at an age where any cutting of his penis is likely to be psychologically traumatic. That said, there is certainly a chance that down the road he will want to be circumcised given that his brother, father, and most of his peer group (since you live in Kentucky) are. I would hold off for now, unless there are medical problems that necessitate it, but check in with him in a few years, or bring it up annually when he has his physical. He may not be at that age yet where boys compare and so may not have noticed the difference, but he surely will in time.

Answer 10

I agree with you!
If it were done at birth it wouldn't really be and issue, but now that he is 4 he is largely aware of whats going on around him, yet he won't always understand why. I think you should leave him the way he is and let him decide for himself when he is old enough to make that decision, whether he is an adult or not, just so long as he is old enough to understand what it entails, like the pain involved and the recovery time.
You and your husband can always be straight forward and honest with him as to why his penis is different then his brother's or his father's.
Ask your husband why he thinks it is easier to put his son through a surgery, rather then talk to him when he is old enough to understand.

Answer 11

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