Me and my husband are constantly separating and getting back together, its always because i keep giving him a chance and as soon as he is back in he does something devastating again. He treats me very poorly never hits me but poor in other areas i constantly run back because we have 4 kids together and i become so lonely without him,yet when im with him im miserable how do i finally let go and move on with my life ?
2007-10-05 16:39:22 · 10 answers · asked by cocoa 4 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The thing about a marriage gone bad is that no one wins, especially the children. Divorce is extremely brutal. It is so much easier to find any help you both can agree on.Seek whatever resource you can find, counseling, church, women's and men's groups. Pull it back together! If he doesn't come back around, call me and I'll kick his a**!
2007-10-05 17:03:18 · answer #1 · answered by love bomb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was told once that when it's really time to leave, you see the signs in technicolor. Do you??? The back and forth thing sounds more like an extreme attention getter. If you are truly unhappy and be abused you have a responsibility as a parent to care for those kids. If your husband is really doing these devastating things, you need to bite the bullet and move on.........or your kids may choose a mate that just like him. How would that make you feel?
2007-10-05 23:44:30 · answer #2 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should move on, I think you should make it work. if you have to keep separating then that's what you have to do. It's better or worse, sick or healthy, rich or poor. Dont' take abuse. - Things to do. 1) don't quit, and don't let that thought enter your mind. 2) make sure you show him respect always. Do not ever with-hold respect from him. Never. 3) prayer helps a great deal. 4) stay out of the way - God has a special heavenly whipping shed,and he can't take your husband there if you are in the way. 5) give the guy time to respond. most men don't know how they feel. If you ask a guy how he feels it takes 10 minutes or so. 6) go to marriage seminars and get educated about men and how men are. 7) if he;s hiding in his hole, he may be hurting pretty bad and needing to sort it all out. 8) do not allow him to treat you poorly - stand up for yourself. if he's abusing you separate. but divorce isn't going to be a good answer. it just isn't. it's a horrible thing. you have no idea how much pain awaits you if you divorce, you just don't know. Ask some divorced people what it's like. you dont' want that. pray and stand firm. love. love love. - 9) it's not about being happy it's about doing what's right = it is better to be misrable and do the right thing than to do what's wrong and be happy. it is just better to do what's right. you know this - and I don't know why you are asking. 10) submit to his leadership. you are talking about giving him a chance, and you belong to HIM. It's like you are trying to tell him what to do and all - my wife never even one time failed to submit to my leadership. I was always loving and kind to her, but she always respected me. If you aren't respecting him, he has a right to be furious with you. He doesn't have a right to abuse you but his anger would be understandable. - get counseling - get help.
www.laughyourway.org - is a good marriage seminar fairly non-threatening to men - and is fun to go to. it's fairly humorous and may help you. Family Life Marriage seminars are the best out there, and it's worth the effort to go.
is he grieving? that might explain his anger.
I have no idea. treat him with respect no matter if you think he deserves it or not and things may improve. If you are with-holding respect because you dont' think he deserves it then you are causing the problem. Most likely not, but you need to look at that.
maybe you can find something fun to do together - we had some friends who were in the process of divorcing and I swear scuba diving saved their marriage. They started diving all over the place and they are doing great now. guys don't like to sit around talking about their feelings - it's better to find something to DO.
2007-10-06 00:11:04 · answer #3 · answered by art_flood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he has committed adultery you have no good reason to divorce him. You vowed on your wedding day to stay with him for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until death do you part.
If by devastating you mean he is committing adultery, then you have the only reason God gives for divorce. There is life after divorce, but you must consider your children first. They will be very effected by your relationship problems with your husband.
They are learning by example, they are also suffering the pain of you two not getting along. Seek marriage counseling, if he won't go, go by yourself. Learn what you can do to make your marriage better. A good book you could get is one called 'Co-dependent No More'. it has some great tips for you.
2007-10-05 23:58:37 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its a pattern that you got used too, i am going thru the same, it eats your self-esteem up and you end up accepting things you normally wouldnt. i know how you feel, being miserable with him and lonely without him.
2007-10-05 23:44:14 · answer #5 · answered by not this way 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just put you foot down and and next time don't take him back if you are really tired of it stop it and move on
2007-10-05 23:52:46 · answer #6 · answered by maraloves 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The back and forth is the start of the ending.
2007-10-05 23:43:44 · answer #7 · answered by Renee C 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Just stop it. You have to mentally take your actions away from your feels and just DO what is right for you and more importantly your children.
2007-10-05 23:41:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wonder if that is how my wife feels, except we've never actually seperated. It would kill me if she left.
2007-10-05 23:42:07 · answer #9 · answered by pittiesrock 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're tired of the game, quit playing it.
2007-10-05 23:43:26 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋