ôô Can you write an amusing little story of a MYSTERY DINNER gig at an INN that includes 6 of these phrases?

Question

1.It's soooooooo elementary.
2. I see. I see. Now was that BEFORE or AFTER the scorpion fell into your soup?
3. If you think I'm spending the night in a haunted house, you're crazy!!
4. Whoooooooooooooom do you think killed the dude? And don't say the deranged bagpiper. He was with me, at the time!
5. The message, written in blood said, ____________.
6. Anyone have any Prozac, by chance?
7. This is a neurotics jackpot.
8. A scream from the bowels of hell rattled in my ears!!
9. I can see the headlines now:" __________________."
10. Uh huh....... Okay....... Now I get it........ HELP !!!!!!

► I CAN'T TAKE MANY MORE GREAT STORIES !!! I AM CLOSING THIS ON MONDAY, OCT. 8, at 8 PM. ◄

► http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AprBBxbFpcGSTL3ltNsh8xvsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071007061853AAQYREs ◄

Answer 1

There were twelve of us standing in the lobby of Catch a Tory's Restaurant. We were waiting for the band's accordion player, so we could go sit down to dinner together. Just then, a scream from the bowels of hell rattled in my ears!! (8)
We ran in to see that the waitress was cowering under the table. While I helped her up, she asked of the rest of my party, "Anyone have any Prozac, by chance?" (6) Five of the band members rummaged in their pockets. Being in a Sauerkraut Band is very stressful. Playing Om-pa-pa music, well, let me say that this is a neurotic's jackpot.(7) I asked the drummer, "What could have scared her?" He pointed to the stained tablecloth and said, "It's soooooooo elementary.(1) Do you see what's written there? " We all looked. The message, written in blood, said, " The accordion player dies tonight."(5) Wait, I said, "That's not blood. It's spaghetti sauce. See, I said, as I plucked a mushroom off the letter 's' and popped it into my mouth." Well, I was hungry!
Just then, three of our cell phones rang. I couldn't figure out what the text message on my phone was, at first. My two friends were as confused as I was. I showed it to Frank, the tuba player. He studied it and said, "Uh huh.. Okay.. Now I get it..HELP!!!!!!(10) It says, Help!" "Who's it from?", four of us asked together. I recognized my ex-husband's number. He is the accordion player. I returned his call. It rang and rang. A strange voice, answered, "Hello, police detective Abernathy here, and who is this?" "Why, I'm Char, I said. I called to see if Gary was all right. " " No, Ma'am, he's dead," was what the policeman said next. I had to sit down. I told the rest of my party what had happened. I looked at Sunshine. She asked, "Whoooooooooooooom do you think killed the dude? And don't say the deranged bagpiper. He was with me, at the time!"(4) She pulled Matt, the bagpiper closer to her. Well, we all understood that he couldn't have done it. What bothered me is why Sunshine called him crazy. And who here, in this off the beaten path inn and restaurant could've known what was happening to Gary, across town? We all turned our attention to the waitress. Frank had been talking with her. He looked at the minestrone soup in the big tureen that was sitiing on the side table. He said,"You saw the message on the table. I see. I see. Now was that BEFORE or AFTER the scorpion fell into your soup?"(2) She answered that the scorpion startled her, and as she put the soup down, then it was that she read the message. "It looks like Gary's handwriting", I said. "He had to have written his own death warrant."
Well, the omens, the ruined dinner and oh, the news of my ex-husband's death kind of put a damper on all of our plans. We had intended to stay over. But all of us had the same thought as we gathered our coats about us and I'm sure this is it: If you think I'm spending the night in a haunted house, you're crazy!!(3)
As I drove home, I was thinking, I can see the headlines, now.
"Sauerkraut Band Holding Auditions For New Accordion Player."(9)
(By the way, no names were changed. I had no intention to protect the guilty.)
C. :!!

Answer 2

(1) The game plan did not call for me to run (6) into the wild. It was supposed to be a nice quiet Christmas Eve instead it is turning into (10) “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” (2) Why did I get married to this airhead anyway? I should have known that anyone crying at the (9) Bee Movie was probably a few slices short of a loaf. If she had only told me earlier that her mother wanted to be with us for Christmas, I could have run over there yesterday. Instead, here I am at 11:00 PM on Christmas Eve driving half way (8) across the universe to pick up a woman who reminds me of one of those creatures you see in a sci-fi movie saying (5)“We own the night.” Well I hope she’s happy when I finally get her back to her (3) Martian child. That space cadet is still wondering why I wasn’t brimming with joy to head out this late on Christmas Eve. OK, I am done with my little rant. I will be OK by tomorrow. Coming up the steps to the house, I can hear the (7) music within (Here Comes Santa Clause) and it warms my heart knowing how much my space cadet loves Christmas. And I know she will have a “special present” for me on Christmas night, especially when she sees I bought gifts to replace all the (4) things we lost in the fire she started when she thought adding a little gasoline to the logs in the fireplace would help warm the house more.

Answer 3

MURDER AT MYSTERY MANSION
My name is Sunshine MacGillicuddy. I work as a reporter for the “East Hampton Inquirer.” My assignment was to do a promotional piece on the local mystery dinner theater and inn for the Society Page. I was thrilled to learn that Sir Matthew Dillon, a fine British actor, who had appeared in theaters all over the world, was starring in their next production, “Sherlock Holmes Meets the Deranged Bagpiper.”

Just as I reached to open the door to the dinner theater, a scream from the bowels of hell rattled in my ears!! I soon learned the source of the scream. The cook came rushing up the stairs from the basement. “Charlie Weaver, the costume tailor, is dead,” she sobbed, uncontrollably. “I found his body at the foot of the stairs.”

I stared at her in disbelief, but announced I would go check on the body. A pair of scissors was protruding from the dead man’s chest, with a note pinned beneath. The message, written in blood, said, “You will be next!”

I stammered, “Uh huh....... Okay....... Now I get it........ HELP !!!!!! HELP!!!!!!” I quickly ran up the stairs, thinking to myself, “I can see the headlines now, “Murder at Mystery Mansion: Tailor Stabbed with Own Scissors.” Then, I thought, “I must get away from here. I don’t want to be next.”

Sir Matthew, who was fully costumed as Sherlock Holmes, calmly came striding into the room. “What is all the commotion about?” he inquired. “Anyone have any Prozac, by chance?”

Shaken, I introduced myself, and told Sir Matthew about the body at the foot of the stairs. “I think he was murdered!” I exclaimed

”Whoooooooooooooom do you think killed the dude?” he inquired, with his thick British accent. “And don't say the deranged bagpiper. He was with me, at the time!”

Sir Matthew then said, “Perhaps I should take a look around the crime scene. I have played Holmes so many times, I do believe I have taken on his powers of deductive reasoning.”

We both headed downstairs. Sir Matthew looked at the stairs, read the note, and studied the position of the body. Then, he announced he had solved the mystery.

“Well, tell me, what happened? How do you know?” I asked.

Sir Matthew smiled as he said, “It's soooooooo elementary. I’ve told Charlie time and again not to run with scissors. Obviously, he tripped on that loose top step, rolled down the stairs, fell on the scissors, and stabbed himself. Then, he rolled over so he was face up when we saw him.”

“But what about the note?” I asked, still not quite comprehending this version of what had transpired.

Sir Matthew replied, “Oh that! It’s just a prop from the play. As a matter of fact, the scissors are too.” With that, he and the cook started laughing as Charlie Weaver came bounding up the stairs.

I nearly fainted when I saw Charlie was not dead at all!

Sir Matthew took my arm to steady me. He said. “Sunshine, we are all actors here. We put on this little charade just for you in hopes you’d give The Mystery Mansion’s coming attraction a good write up in your paper. Now, would you like to meet the deranged bagpiper?”

Answer 4

Silva Worthington sulked, petulantly tossing her feather boa over her shoulder, as she took in her stuffy surroundings.
The family of Lord Reed Paige Worthington the 3rd had gathered at his mansion for the reading of his last will and testament. He had specified that ALL involved MUST attend, or be excluded from the will, and had also arranged for them to share a formal dinner party, family style!
"The old goat WOULD have to make SURE he put us through this final misery as his parting gift!!" Silva complained loudly.
Her younger sister Cherry was excited......she had never been in a mansion or even met her late Uncle Reed!
"SO.....Whoooooooooooooom do you think killed the old dude? And don't say the deranged bagpiper. He was with me, at the time!"
She looked around , laughing at her own joke, but apparently no one else thought it was funny!
Cherry eyed her in-laws speculatively. Perhaps the killer was in this very room!
The lawyer presently announced how, according to the documents , events were expected to unfold.
The family would all eat together in the formal dining room, spend the night in the mansion, and the will would be read in the morning.
Cherry was the first to pipe up with a comment.
"If you think I'm spending the night in a haunted house, you're crazy!!"
"You're free to go ANYTIME you like, DEAR……...so much the more for the rest of us"
Aunt Rachel smiled viciously at little Cherry, baring her big ugly horse teeth in a sneer.
Silva snapped, "How dare you....you old witch with a B!!"
Aunt Rachel feigned shock! She plopped into a chair and began to fan herself furiously…...."Someone..please get me some water...I feel faint!!"
Silva turned and ignored her. "Mellow dramatic *****" she muttered, under her breath.
Aunt Rachel looked at her husband Harvey, "Are you going to let that TART speak to me like that?" Harvey groaned.
"ARGGGH...This is a neurotics jackpot around here....anyone have any Prozac, by chance?" Cherry laughed...she loved her Uncle Harvey! She looked over at Aunt Rachel. POOR Uncle Harvey, she thought!
*********************************************************************
Dinner, although delicious, was an ordeal, with all of the family at each other's throats, each wondering how much of Lord Worthington’s money they would get! Silva had lost her appetite, looking at Aunt Rachel's face! She played out a little fantasy in her mind while she pushed the food around on her plate:

“AND Madam when did you first realize that your face would stop an eight day alarm clock?”
"WHAT!! You say you can't remember?"
“I see, I see, Now was that BEFORE or AFTER the scorpion fell into your soup?”…….

Silva was interrupted from her little reverie…..
The soup was about to be served!!! She excused herself and went straight to bed.
That night She tossed and turned, dreaming that Uncle Reed had come to her room and written something on the mirror. None the less she awoke feeling refreshed in the morning. She jumped out of bed, eager to get downstairs to hear the reading of the will, when to her horror she caught sight of the mirror!!
The message, written in blood said “It was Rachel who killed me”
Was this Cherry playing a joke…or……..could it be.......

TO BE CONTINUED

Answer 5

oooooooh mystery dinners! i love those, as well as the mystery theatre dinners as well!! *takes card* who am i tonight? oh wow, now, this WILL be fun. *grins* I've never been the 'murderer' but everyone always thinks its me! lol

i have some time open later this afternoon, i'll try to pen a little something for this Q. fun, fun, fun my friend.