I am wondering how you would to respond to a person, who separated from an unhealthy relationship with an elderly parent (who is behaving in a way that is aggressive, egotistical and emotionally abusive) who struggles with the commandment of 'honour thy parents’.
In reality would Christians condmemn her as bad (or unChristian) if she maintains the position that seems psychologically healthy and necessary for her own well being ?
She feels excluded from the possible support of the Catholic community, which was the religion of her upbringing as a result of her perception (or misperception) of their perspective.
Changing the father’s behaviour does not appear to be a realistic option as he appears to be in an obsessive state of mind (with her as a target) ... since the daughter revealed a belief that he sexually abused her as a child. He seems to believe that his only way to peace is by changing her mind.
2007-10-05 14:36:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is nothing wrong with it. As some people would like to remind others... the disciples carried swords in hard times. If you parent is abusing you emotionally/psychologically, and they will not seek help, the only thing you can do is distance yourself and make an effort not to be spiteful. You can honor your parent by saying, 'Hey, this isn't okay, please seek help. If you want, I'll help you, if not, I need to go.' You have to preserve yourself, and you can't waste energy on people who hurt you and refuse to change.
2007-10-05 14:50:35 · answer #1 · answered by amh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*Is Catholic*
The honor that is due to one's parents is independant of their actions. At a very basic level it just means don't wish your parents ill or that they were dead and so you can take their stuff.
An abusive parental relationship can be an instance where the parent, through their actions, refuses to allow their child to honor them as one should fully honor one's parents. This is not a sin of the child but of the parent.
Now it is perfectly legitimate for an individual to say that they must cut communication due to a past hurt. This is not an act of dishonor but rather a realization that a hurt has been caused and that it must be healed outside of direct contact with the other individual.
Now a Christian must always move towards forgiving those that have wronged them. For the daughter not to move towards forgiveness of her father would be dishonoring the father. But forgiveness does not mandate that a full daughter father relationship be restored at the present moment.
Serious sins take a long long time to heal and this must be acknowledged.
Now it seems to me that you are unsure about whether or not the abuse actualy took place as you say "she believe" not that it happened. Now if it did not of course the father would be obsessive...that is reasonable!
However, I would suggest a few things,
1. The daughter should go to Church!!!
2. The daughter should seek a support group for those abused and or pyschological counciling.
3. When in doubt on issues such as this GO TO CONFESSION and lay it before God.
2007-10-05 23:58:15 · answer #2 · answered by Liet Kynes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a parent is abusive it is acceptable to not continue to have contact with that person.
Honoring the parent doesn't mean that one has to be a slave to that person's poor behavior - it means that the child must do what they can to help that parent be a better person. Sometimes this means staying away from the parent so that the parent can not abuse the child anymore - and thereby reducing the amount of sinning that the parent can do. It's almost like taking drugs away from a drug addict - if they have no contact with the drug then they can't abuse it.
If she is able then she should try to keep in contact with someone in the family who can tell her if her father is seriously ill, so that she doesn't have the guilt of not seeing her father before he passes. Otherwise she should keep herself safe and stay away from him.
His salvation needs to come through the Lord - not his daughter. She is not God and should not be asked to act in God's stead.
My best wishes are with this poor woman.
2007-10-05 21:48:46 · answer #3 · answered by Mirage 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the Bible it also tells us that children are a gift from God, they are His reward. I believe that if you don't treat your children the way the Bible has laid it out for the parents, then you can't beat them over the head later with the honor thy mother and father part.
Maybe if she talked to her pastor, preacher or some church elder.....they could help her make sense of her situation too.
2007-10-05 21:56:44 · answer #4 · answered by T H 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It has no meaning when the parents are abusive. Also not all people are Christians, not all people follow what the bible says.
2007-10-05 22:26:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
all the commandments go hand in hand
honor thy father and mother.. means to do as they say..
if it is not breaking any other commandment ..
if they tell u to steal or kill.. that is wrong..
if it is an abusive relationship,, they need to be reported.. asap....
2007-10-05 21:48:09 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just notice there is no commandment about loving or agreeing with thy parents.
2007-10-05 21:40:47 · answer #7 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this really should be over at the reglion section of y/a.. but to the one that said there was nothing about honoring parents.. he is wrong it is in the bible .. ten commandment.. but oddly enough it says nothing about children.. some where thou it says .. suffer the little children let them come UN to me
2007-10-05 21:44:14 · answer #8 · answered by vis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parents are not abusive; all bets are off.
2007-10-05 21:41:58 · answer #9 · answered by RAB in Venus TX 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋