I am so sad and depressed, my mother in law is so fake!!!!?

Question

I just feel so depressed, I have been married for 2 yrs now, My husbands mom lives in our apartment because they have alaways been living together and because he is the only son so he takes care of her. But she pretends she is the boss! she has control of the TV in the living room, she has all her stuff in the kitchen etc.. I feel like im the guest! and today at 3 pm it was so hot and humid so I turned on the AC and she started saying oh im so cold and got in her bed & when my husband came in he asked her why she was in bed at that time and she said " Oh because its so cold out in the living room, and he yelled at me & told me to lower it down!!! So I just turned it off. I cant beleive he doesnt care if Im hot or how I feel His mother is always going to be before me and that makes me so sad!! And she wont leave! I just hate her so much! I honestly pray everyday and ask to remove that hate I have for her but I just cant pretend to love her when I wish she disappeared! and I feel bad!!!

Answer 1

Actually she is not fake, she is a mother living with her son who just happens to have a wife and this rarely works. I am afraid it is
fess up time. Cards on the table.

Two many cooks spoil the broth. I lived with my mum and wife for about six weeks when married and nearly lost my wife. It just doesn't work. You need time to grow together and its not gonna happen this way.

Have a look a t DR phils page!

Answer 2

Simple. First of all, that is awesome that you are trying to free yourself of that hate that you have for her! That shows that you are a good person. I can tell you what the problem is with much certainty. You and your mother-in-law are "competing" over the same man. Clearly, on two different levels. His mother is likely having a hard time giving away her only son! Try and be understanding. Someday you might have a son, and will find yourself so attatched that you cannot let go. His mother is probably not proud of her emotional weakness in this regard and therefore, takes it out on you. She is likely embarrassed. No parent wants to be a burden to their child by living in their home. But sometimes life takes that turn. If her health plays a part as to why she lives with you, then this only complicates the situation. I say this because, now we have a mother that does not want to leave behind her son, she is fearful that once she is gone that she will be forgotten by him, and all the while, your husband does not want to loose his mother and wants to make her as content as possible. He knows that there is bad chemistry between you and his mother. He likely does not know how to handel the flood of emotions. Know that you aren't second. He sees a lifetime ahead shared with you! Which is great! But at the same time his mother is keeping him from turning the chapter in his life. While it may be hard, try to be as understanding as possible. The headlights on a car only shine a few hundred feet out. You can only see a little of what is ahead, but with that light, you can make it from California to New York in the dead of night! Think about this in terms of your predicament. The love you and your husband share will serve as your light and will see you through these tough times.

With that said, if this is an abusive relationship of any sort... please remove yourself from it as soon as possible to ensure your safety. I am not saying get a divorce as soon as possible, only you know if you want to be with this person. But before children come, maybe this is a good realization? Only you can be the judge of that. I'll be praying for you. Sounds like you have your hands full but God won't turn His back on you. He loves you way too much. Hell, He knows when you're hot, when you're cold, and He has the AC or the heat on before you even get home!

God Bless

Answer 3

I can totally relate to your feelings. Years ago, I really tried to make my MIL a friend. But she always rejected me. I wasn't good enough for her only child. Yeah, right. We wouldn't have today what we have if it wasn't for the generosity of my parents helping us out through the years.

Anyway. I finally realized that she would never be my friend, accepted that and at the same understood that at some point I would be called upon to care for her. Which came true after she had a heart attach and then a stroke during surgery. I cared for her in my home for 18 months. I was able to do it with emotional attachment knowing that although I catered to her every need, that I would be around a lot longer than she...

And 11 years later I'm still here and she's in the ground. So my advice is to either suck it up and be kind to her or end the marriage. You already know she will always come first, but she isn't going to be around forever.

Answer 4

I think you're dealing with a very difficult situation. I really suggest you and your husband go for counseling. The two of you need to understand how your mother-in-law is affecting your marriage and your husband needs to see the position you are in. If this is your home, you need to be able to feel like it's your home and you need to be treated as though she is living in your house. If your husband doesn't want to go to counseling (lots of men are opposed to it in the beginning), then you should definitely go without him. Find someone you like. There are some excellent therapists, and unfortunately just as in every other field there are also some mediocre ones and some terrible ones. Don't settle for someone you don't like or abandon the process because the person wasn't any good. Try and get some recommendations from people you know rather than just finding someone totally on your own. Good luck.

Answer 5

I can see why you are upset with the MIL, however the real problem lies with your husband. Well, actually it IS both, but it is your husband who is OBLIGATED to you as your husband to put your feelings and needs ahead of and above ANYONE else's, including his own Mother. Can you believe even God had enough wisdom to address this in the Bible? (Genesis 2:24) It says a man will "LEAVE his Father and Mother and must stick to his WIFE!, and they should become one flesh" Obviously neither one of them understands this concept, and unfortunately for you, unless they decide to figure this out and apply it to your marriage, you will continue to be treated as second best, which is not appropriate OR a good basis for a marriage that can last. It may well come down to you telling your husband he has to make a choice. But, I hope you realize that there is nothing for YOU to feel guilty or bad about for doing this, as HE and his Mother are the ones that are disrespecting the marriage arrangement. I hope it at least helps for you to know you have God's support to back you up on this one. It doesn't mean that your husband has to stop caring for his Mother, but there is a time and a place for everything. She is interfering with your marriage, and he is allowing it. I hope you can sit him down and explain this and he receives it in a calm and mature way. Best wishes.

Answer 6

In the first place when you married your husband you married his family also but you and your husband need to have your own place not living at home with your mother in law. I have two sons one just got married and i am so glad that he has found someone to love now i am waiting for the second one to get married and go on and live his life. Your husband love for his mother is very strong and there is nothing wrong with that. but you are his wife that's why the bible says a man shall leave his parents and cleave to his wife and you will become as one. Don't hate your mother in law its not her fault that her son cant separate his love for you and his mother.
You are part the blame for this also moving in the home with your mother in law and her son.

best of luck.

Answer 7

Wowee.

I'd be pissed, frankly. Either you divorce your husband so you don't have to deal with his momma's-boy crap, or you suggest she be put in an Assisted Living facility. It's kinda like a nursing home, only she'd be allowed to go out when she wanted to, assuming she's mentally and physically able.


If that doesn't work, then try asking to have a sit-down meeting with both of them at the same time. Talk about your issues up-front to each other's face. Come up with compromises. Maybe even just sit down with the mom-in-law and try to have a buddy-to-buddy conversation. Talk about something that interests her.


If THAT doesn't work, then you might have to just call it quits.



OTHERWISE, I have nooo idea. Sorry. :(

Answer 8

You and your husband sound like a young couple, and if that is true then your mother-in-law is probably young too, and doesn't need taking care of! You need to sit down and absolutely have a conversation with your husband telling him exactly what you wrote in your question. The ONLY way to sort this out is to communicate with him about how you are feeling. If he loves you as much as he should, then he will consider your feelings absolutely.

Answer 9

This is why men/women who live with their parents are so unappealing. It shows that (no matter what the reasoning) they have a certain fear of trying to move forward and grow in life. Talk to him. You are his wife. He should love his mother but from a different house. You are a human being too and deserve to be treated as such. I just read what Jan said and, Holy Crap!!! I hope you left that creep cause he and his mom deserved each other.

Answer 10

Do you have a job, if not get one ,and be gone part of the day. Your husband is caught between a rock and a hard place. Mother , should have her own space, and not be usurping yours. as to how to fix it, You need to talk to her about your feelings, and let her know that she is making you feel a visitor in your own home. And talk to your husband, he married you and he needs to provide a home for you , where you don't feel like an intruder.