If a man has been deeply hurt by his first love, how can I get him to open up and stop being so cold hearted ?? he acts like all women are out to break his heart, so he wont let his guard down. Is there any hope for a man like this, or am I fighting a losing battle ? should I just give up and move on ??
2007-10-05 14:10:00 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't give up on him...SHOW him that you love him, SHOW him that he can trust you, SHOW him that you will remain by his side through thick and thin, SHOW him that you are nothing like his ex and he will eventually let his guard down and open up to you. Once he sees that you love him enough to stick with him through this hardship and that you aren't going to hurt him the way she did, he will let his guard down. My ex wife hurt me badly and for a long time, I was just like your man. I trusted no one, I wouldn't open up to anyone, and at the first sign of trouble, I was out the door. The girlfriend I have now saw that I had been hurt and she understood(she had been hurt too). She stuck with me and assured me every day that she would never hurt me and that no matter what, she wasn't going to give up on me. I will never understand what she saw in me to cause her to stick with me, but whatever the reason, she did. Now I am DEEPLY in love with her and she with me. I trust her with my heart and my life. Basically, this wonderful woman I have with me saved me from myself and I owe her the best I have to offer. Don't give up on this guy if you love him...it will all pay off. I wish you luck.
2007-10-05 14:37:00 · answer #1 · answered by tazdvl_31 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it depends on how long you have been together. if you truly care for this man, then dont give up on him. Just show him why not all women are like his ex. men will learn from experience, and if all he knows is how it feels to get hurt, then wouldn't it be great if you were the first lady to show him how it feels to be loved and not hurt? give him some time, trust is a very hard thing to earn...and if he is scared of being hurt, it will take longer. just be patient and reassure him that you care for him and would never hurt him and that you prove it every day by being with him and being there for him. Put yourself in his shoes: if it were you that were hurt, would you want a guy to leave you behind because you were scared of being hurt again? no, you would want him to show you that you dont have to fear every guy that you meet. the world is full of scummy people, hang on to the good ones and show them that you yourself are not like the people he has insecurties about you being. good luck, it will all work out if you have faith.
2007-10-05 21:53:01 · answer #2 · answered by piercing_beauty96 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem, I so in love with this guy , but he have been hurt by some woman,and now it's hard for him to let his guards down,he asked me to be his girl I had accepted and everything was going so fast with us I had to slow it down because I was falling so hard for this guy, I told him that we needed to slow it down, he began to cry. I thought to myself what have I done. that was 8 months ago, from time to time I ask when will he be mines, he tells me that he is scared of relationships and that I don't know what I want. For almost 3 months we have been living with each other and sleeping in the same bed, calling each other babe, screwing each other,kiss and etc.. I think he just don't want the title, I myself is about to give up and move on to someone whom is willing to stand up to the plate and stop playing house. If you keep on you'll be doing the same thing (wasting time) I say move on, because we care and think that we can make him know that there's real love out here, he will not put down his guards. Good luck!!!!
2007-10-05 21:58:12 · answer #3 · answered by MELISE M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One time my bf of 5 years and I had a fight because I wasn't trusting him. He yelled at me that he wasn't my father (who is an alcoholic that has cheated on my mom many times) and he isn't my brother (who only uses me when he needs something like a babysitter...etc...)
It was kind of like a reality check. I didn't realize I was sabotoging our relationship with these issues from my family. I felt so guilty thinking every fight we've ever had was because I wasn't willing to let it go.
The fact is he got hurt and you can't blame him for wanting to protect himself. How long ago did his relationship end? Because it DOES take time. If it was recent, just give him a little bit of time. If you care about him you will wait and be there for him.
If it's been a while tho, and he's just being an *** to be an *** let him know. Tell him what my bf told me. You're not his ex. You're not going to hurt him that way. Tell him you want to be there for him and love him. (If it's what you want)
Let him make the decision after that. Is he willing to give you a chance? If he, keep your promise...don't hurt him. If he isn't, then let go...move on and find someone willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.
2007-10-05 21:32:33 · answer #4 · answered by InquiringMinds 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is very hard to do because if you havent been hurt you really wont understand the pain, He is trying to protect his self from ever being hurt again by closing up he will let you in a little but you have got to earn his trust thats the only way he will ever let you in, If you feel that you cant wait around than its up to you not me.
best of luck
2007-10-05 21:19:34 · answer #5 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty I would move on because it's to much work trying to get a man to open up, it would cause you nothing but headaches and pain, because deep down you know your a good woman but he doesn't.
I feel if a man continues to act like that he deserves to be by his self.
With a man it seems that something have to happen to where he realizes "DAM I HAVE A GOOD WOMAN".
I hope this information helps.
2007-10-05 21:25:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless he gets some really good counseling, it's a losing battle. He basically thinks all women are the same. Save yourself a lot of heartache and move on.
2007-10-05 21:16:31 · answer #7 · answered by sunny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
youn can not fix him nor can anyone els the things is it takes time to heal and to get over thing no body knows the chambers of the hart so if u like this person and u think he is worthy of your love hang in there with him and in do time u will see a change . he will start to open up he has a little already he told u y he is so cold
2007-10-05 21:46:22 · answer #8 · answered by souelreavertate 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing that you can do is be supportive of them, and pray for them. Because if they have been hurt deeply, it takes time to get over that pain. And you just need to be patient, and supportive, and be there for him, and show him that your not going to be like the person that broke his heart.
2007-10-06 00:24:19 · answer #9 · answered by Bryan M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a tough situation that applies to women as well as men. As long as he is not abusive to you it may be worth being patient.
He is in a survival mode and emotional trauma is very deep cutting. I would be your honest, giving, nutrient self. Let him know your concerns and motives. You might give him a reasonable time ultimatum to accept you then move on.
Good luck.
2007-10-05 21:18:39 · answer #10 · answered by GERALD S. MCSEE 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋