Mainenance - why r the kids not the main issue?

Question

The children of seperations should not have to pay the ultimate emotional price for their parents selfishness. If you bring a child into the world, whether deliberate or not, that child is innocent and deserves the love of good loving and emotionally encouraging adults. There's a hard enough road for them to go in life without the added pain of nobody around hold their hand along the way!

Don't get me wrong, some people should not be together and this is better for the kids. I love my kids and sometimes wonder if those separated parents actually stood still for one minute and imagined what each hour was REALLY like for their children without them there to help.......would they consider SPENDING more valuable TIME with them instead of SPENDING MONEY on them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

I spend 95% more time with my kids doing things with them than their mother does. We have joint custody, she has the primary. I see my kids every other weekend & 2-3 times during the week. She recently switched weekends with me so they can stay with their friends & other family members on the weekends she is supposed to have them. So, she has every weekend free, sitting on her big butt at home with no job & collecting support from me when they are not there most of the time. Since I pay support that is rarely seen by them, I rarely have much money to actually spend on them when I have them. All I can do is try to find things to do with them that is cheap enough so, I can make it from paycheck to paycheck. I don't know how many times that I have wished that I could do something more with them but, just didn't have the money. I may be frustrated but, not too angry because for all the years that she sitts on that big unemployed butt of hers she wont have no retirement,no job experience, and will probably end up getting divorced again. Will anyone care to support her then? I dont think so.

Answer 2

I think anger and hurt feelings make the maintenance issue a personal affront. My ex husband cleaned out everything when we first split. He spent the first 6 months crying during the kids visits until they didn't want to see him anymore. (He was dating a woman he picked up at a ballgame with our son 2 weeks after we seperated!) It took time for him to be able to be with his kids on a regular basis much less help support them. He felt that any money given was to me and wasn't thinking clearly that 4 children require a substantial financial backing as well as the emotional maturity of a caring parent.

He became Disney dad for a while which the kids finally put an end to by telling him they wanted his time, not play land and parties. It has taken 8 years for him to realize they want his attention, but he has a really hard time relating to them. He is working on it, which is all anyone can do! And they have a mom that knows them inside and out and they can rely on her to help them get through their emotional upheavals with dad. I just tell them he loves you the best he knows how. It may not be what you want or need at a particular time, but it is what you have so deal with it!

Answer 3

Wow, it is interesting how much someone can understand looking on the outside.
Thank you for putting this up.

I just think that it is just that they can't live with eachother anymore.
They tried, but it didn't work out.
Fighting is a big pre-divorce sign, and when there are more fights it affects children.
So some are better just going through with it.

My parents went through a divorce in my early childhood.
It messed me up completley.
Even to this day I have "issues".
My mom mistreated me, and lashed out on me with her drunk rages.
Many therapists were visited, countless suicide thoughts.
"You are just like your father, that ******." being everything I heard.
Child Support being the only thing on her mind.
Life was tough.

Now, my outlook on life is happier.
The problems haven't neccessarily gone away, but knowing that I have my dad as a crutch is great.

Thank you so much.
Again.
Everything is in perspective.

Answer 4

My ex-husband hardly spends any time or money on our kids.