We have been married for four years and he as had 9 different jobs and has been fired from all of them ,yes all of them. It is never his fault , they dont like me, someone lied on him there is always a reason and he never takes the blame himself nor the responsibility that he is doing something wrong. He says we married for richer or poorer and wont leave and I cant affford to move . Is he right ? am I expected to stay with him and go on supporting him , in hopes that one day he will keep a job?
2007-10-05 12:29:59 · 15 answers · asked by VVVVVVVVVVV 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He also made the vow to love and support you. Remind him of that. Tell him you didn't sign up for what your getting. Be firm and stand your ground.
2007-10-05 12:44:47 · answer #1 · answered by h&t_oct282007 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard of the phrase "dead beat dad"? Well, it sounds like your husband is a DEAD BEAT MAN! If he cared anything for his family he would do whatever it took to keep his family happy and do whatever it took to provide for them including putting up with a little crap from the boss, he has to think about others and not his self, if he really loved you like he says he does he would, get a day labor job, pick up cans, cut grass, wash windows, cars, sell candy bars on the corner if need be to provide. I know this may seem a little harsh, but I am from the old school and firmly believes, if a man doesn't work , he don't eat. Tell him to get his *** up and get a job and if you allow him to pull that crap with you every time, then you are partially to blame. I am not saying divorce him, I am just saying, only provide the necesities and he will ship up or ship out. I will never forget what my brother told me many years ago when I was a teenager. A man will treat you the way you allow him too. So lets see, as a wife it is your duty to cook, so give him pork and beans and rice and if he complains tell him thats all you can afford and if he doesn't like it get a job and at the same time cook you a top sirlon and if he grubbles, tell him you are treating yourself for working so hard all week. You don't have to tell him to leave, just make him misirable. Oh, he needs new shoes, well there is a wide selection at the thrift store, you feel me. Girl, treat your self to the spa and tell him to get over it or go get off his *** and get a job.
2007-10-05 12:49:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm sorry to hear that, I've been married four years myself, and I know how it feels to want to give up too. I have been reading a book called "Fascinating Womanhood" by Helen Andelin. This book has help me and my husband so much. Pls read it with an open heart and you'll see That it really works. If you apply Fascinating Womanhood to your life, your husband will want to run get a job so that he can protect you. Look it up in amazon.com I think that they'll let you read it before you buy it. Well I don't know were u live but if you are around the area, there is a couples seminar at The Potter's House Christian Church 6504 Gage Ave Bell Gardens CA, Oct. 22th @ 6:30pm
2007-10-05 12:57:34 · answer #3 · answered by Kyoko 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I used 2 have this same problem. I cannot not say what u r expected 2 do. I used 2 use alot of the same reasoning, but was only fired once, I quit 'em all. My wife used 2 get upset with me also until finally I owned up 2 my problem. I have always been AFRAID of RESPONSIBLITY. It isn't something that obvious. Who's 2 say if ur husband will own up and Be Honest with himself?
2007-10-05 12:46:44 · answer #4 · answered by Jerry_S. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Noone expects you to do anything - except your husband. You are right to be angry and frustrated, and smart to see through his B/S on why he doesnt keep his jobs. Sounds to me you are in a co-dependant relationship - do some research on it and you will be surprised. Unfortunately you cannot force him to get or keep a job, that is up to him. All you can do is set expectations and limits. You need to decide for yourself what is acceptable, and for how long you are willing to put up with it. And then at that point, you have to do what is right for you. Maybe make a deal - you will support him for x amount of time to allow him time to secure a job. After x amount of time, you will pay abc bills and he will be reponsible for xyz. And stick to it. And when you (and only you) have decided enough is enough - you make the next move - which ever that may be for you. Please check out the info available on codepenancy. Sounds like you have some internal conflicts they may help you sort out. Good luck and be strong. Whichever path you choose will sure to be tough.
2007-10-05 12:51:09 · answer #5 · answered by My2Cents 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is older, right? do you feel sorry for him? do you pity him that he cant see his role in his failures? is he distressed about losing a job? or does he seem resigned? does he drink a lot? do drugs? the more yes answers to the above, the less this is going to change. so, decide this is the way it is and he is just not going to change, cause i dont think it is gonna, and learn to live with it, and support him, or, start saving so you can leave. and when you do, wish him well.
one more thing, ... sometimes guys start this pattern in high school and live like this their whole lives, and have no shame living off of women. do you know his past? if you dont, find out exactly what his past was like. are you just the latest woman he lives off of? do this. i once knew someone who lived off of 5 different women, and did not care who knew it. every one of them threw him out, and he always had another to go to.
the other reason men cant hold jobs is that they are in mental and physical decline, that is right, does he have a mental conditon where he cant remember things, or, has personality changes? this can start to come upon older men and makes them unable to work or keep a job. read up on it on the internet. cognitive decline.
finally, ask yourself how you came to marry a man who has so little to show for himself that he cant even hold a job.
2007-10-05 13:17:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
it is his fault
9 jobs in 4 years
i have held my current job for close to 9 years
i have NEVER been fired from any job hat i have held
i have always quit and always left communications open and got a reference letter
i would leave him
you say you cannot afford to
that is an excuse to stay
you married a louse
it's a mistake
and one that you should not be with nor live with
it's one thing if he worked for GM
as they lay off workers left and right
but it is him and his inability to fit in
2007-10-05 12:53:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like me soon to be ex-husband we would tell me that they would fire him and then i fopund out that most of the time it was becasue he was late or he would quit the job. He was being lazy and going off with friends. Your husband might be telling you lies so watch out !! and i dont think a women should be supporting a man!!
2007-10-05 12:34:47 · answer #8 · answered by Raw1987 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honeybee sounds like you married a loser. Ask yourself four years he had nine different jobs.What next eight years down the road he have gone through eighteen jobs. Look do yourself a favor and dump him.
2007-10-05 13:18:38 · answer #9 · answered by Feis Ort 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you married him. If you knew he was like this but still married in the hopes he would change. He is right. Sometimes one must demand things. Like him working and helping out. Either that or your going to have to move out. I doubt he is going to.
http://www.divorcelawyers.com Just in case you decide you have had enough.
2007-10-05 13:07:44 · answer #10 · answered by Red Rose 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋